Use this I-remember-when formula. In this episode, we are going to address the
question how do I capture memories in a family record? My name is Doug Andrew and
I love sharing stories and empowering people, families, business owners on how
to capture those experiences, those memories. I call them
I-remember-whens. So, that future generations down the road, future
employees will be able to learn and be able to laugh and cry and know what made
you tick. And so, this motivated me to start having I -remember-when retreats
with my siblings, with my children and grandchildren, with our employees. It is
so powerful. And sure enough, I have a tool that will help you do this.
And this is a game changer because so many times when we gather together with
friends and family and we start in on reminiscing about the time when Emran
did a faceplant in the petunias at the bobsleds at Disneyland. Or when this
happened: When I swallowed my tooth that popped out. Or when this happened or
that happen. We laugh, we cry. But we don't write it down. And then all of a sudden,
we have these secondhand memories. And we don't get the accurate story. I would
like to capture those straight from the horse's mouth. And so, we purposely plan
time on our family vacations to capture the I-remember-whens. And we use this
form to facilitate that process. And I'm going to show you how we do that. So, I'm
going to share with you the power behind a system or a method that captures I-
remember- when memories especially when you're on
a retreat or a vacation. We do this with our siblings every year. And it's just 24
hours. And my sisters, my sisters-in-law, I have one brother but he has passed away
from a car accident in 1999. But there's ten of us now. And we gather together
every year for 24 hours. They come for dinner, after dinner. We go around and
share one I remember when memory. A total of 10 after dinner. Now, they really only
take 3 or 4 minutes. But because it jogs all kinds of other memories, we
laugh and we cry and and we also take notes because it also jogs our memories
of additional stories. And we just keep coming up with more and more and more. In
5 years, we gathered a 150. Do the math. We do 10 after dinner
on a Sunday night when we gather together. Monday morning, we have
breakfast and we go around and share 10 more. We have lunch, share 10 more. I
capture 30 every year. In 5 years, I had a book of 150. Their sons
and daughters, my siblings' sons and daughters, nieces and nephews, they
actually love reading these stories at Sunday dinner and so forth. And these are
the things that if you don't write them down, they will go to your grave with you.
They'll be trapped in here or in here. So, this is the method you use to get them
out captured and preserved forever. And it's a simple form to help you do this.
And it's called I-remember-when. These could be experiences. And across the top
I put down maybe where you learned life lessons. The value of honesty or work
ethic, punctuality, wisdom, Family Values, failure versus success. Loss of a loved
one, religious or spiritual experiences, marriage, health, moments of freedom.
There's all kinds of moments that you have experiences in your life way more
than you realize you do. And so, what I usually do is email out this form to my
siblings the week before we get together.
Sometimes they wanted a month or 2 before. And they look at this and I will
tell them, "You know what?" I'm going to come prepared with 3 embarrassing
moments. I'm going to come with 3 of my favorite holiday memories. I'm going tO
come with three close calls where I nearly died. And that sort of motivates
many of them. And so, they go through and they fill out this portion of the form.
So, let me describe this to you. On the left are the key ideas. Very simple. I'll
read it to you. Who. So, who was involved in this
I-remember-when memory. A grandparent, a parent, a sibling, a spouse, a child, a
friend, a peer, a co-worker, a role model, extended family. Then you go to when. So,
when did it happen? Try to be accurate with the year
--childhood, adolescence, adulthood, time of day, time of year. The decade it was in, If
you don't know the exact date. And then you go where. So, home. Was it in the
workplace? Was it at entertainment? At a movie
theater or an amusement park? Vacation events and the restaurants family
members home? In a vehicle. And then last, what? Was it schooling? Was it jobs,
vacation, holidays, hobbies, career, sports entertainment, travel, significant events.
So, this is the who, when, where and what. Over on the right hand side, you are
writing down the details to those 4 categories. So, you simply write the notes,
just bullet points. You don't have to be detailed write it out exact. The best
I remember when stories come off the cuff. So, as you write the notes down here,
at the very bottom of the front of this form, you write down the lessons learned
from that experience. They're usually like a moral to the story or
the lesson you learned. Like, I remember one time I sneaked out when I was sick
and my parents said, "Don't you go hunting." I got a new shotgun and and we had an
orchard across the way. And you could hunt for pheasants. And they
said, "Don't go out and hunt. You're sick." Well, as soon as they left, I was so
anxious to go out with this shotgun. And I went across the street and a pheasant
flew up and I shot and I hit it. But I knew if I went home with a pheasant, they
would know I had disobeyed. So, I went home and I feel so guilty. And I thought
wait a minute, what's worse? Wasting the pheasant? I need
to be honest. So, I went back to get the pheasant and a dog was just finishing up
eating it. So, I had to go back home and still tell my parents that I had
disobeyed. Now, I learned the value of obeying my parents and also telling the
truth. And also if I did that I shouldn't waste wildlife. We could have been able
to use that meat. But thank goodness a dog got it. But see, these are the little
memories that sometimes you learn a lesson. I've had many lessons I've
learned. So, you write that down at the bottom. And then this side of this form
will help you as a memory jogger. So, let me go through some of the things here
that will help you decide what memories that you want to record the next time
you do it. So, when we started capturing I-remember-when memories, it was on our
family retreats with a purpose. And every odd year, we would go to Maui. And our
children would pay their way, by the way. That's explained in my book Entitlement
Abolition. But that used to be on Monday night. And I would assign each child
3 I-remember-when memories. And I said, "This is no more than 750 words. It
must fit on one sheet of paper if you're going to type it up." But most of the time,
they were handwriting it as teenagers. And later on, then I would record it and
transcribe it. But then later on, they would put it on a thumb drive. When I do
with my siblings, they must come with a digital version of it. Sometimes there's
an episode that takes more than one page. And so, you divide it up into different
lessons that were learned or different episodes. This helps to think through
what I remember when memories. Because when I started doing this with my
siblings, they said, "Well, I can't think of any more
than 3. We're going to come here every year for 5 or 6 years?" I don't know.
You will think of many when we start sharing. So, this example shows on the
left. Hey, I want you to write down 3 that come to your mind that are comical.
This is very funny or comical. Over here, family holidays or traditions. Write
down 3 of your favorite holidays or family traditions.
How about embarrassing moments? Oh, I have a lot of those. More than 3. How about...
"Back in my day, we used to walk to school 6 miles uphill both ways."
Blah, blah, blah. So, back in my day, this is how we used to do stuff. Down here, you
have the close calls in life where you could have checked out. You could have
been killed. How about this one? Recognitions and accolades and awards
that you won. So, what you're doing is you have categories. And then you write down
3 in each. And just this side of the forum, gave all of my siblings 5 years
worth of I-remember-whens in less than 15 minutes by filling out this form. And
then they came up with a lot more ideas than that. So, the key point is here: If
you do not have a system to capture these memories and then write them down,
if you don't write them down, ask the questions. Look at this, say it
off-the-cuff. With today's technology, you simply push record on your smartphone
and whether it's audio or video or you do a selfie and you have a little
inexpensive selfie stick, just share the I-remember_when memory and I assure you
your kids and grandkids, people forever will read and reread, watch and re-watch,
listen and re listen to those because they are about you and what made you who
you were. And when you learn the value of hard work or why you fell heavily in
love with your spouse and some of the greatest lessons you learned and the
failures and how you overcame them, they will not read
your trust. So, I've counseled a lot of people and I ask them, "How many of you
have a trust?" Two-thirds of an audience raises their hands. And then I say, "I
assure you, your kids will never read that document except one page that says
how much they get." But I can give you one sheet of paper. And it will ask you
questions and you can push record and your posterity for generations will
read and reread, watch and re-watch, listen and re listen because they won't
read your trust. This is what they really want to know about you. So, use the I-
remember-when worksheet so that you can capture it. And you don't go to your
grave with those stories trapped in here or in here. So, this is such a powerful
topic. I have an entire chapter in this book Entitlement Abolition about this
very concept. So, if you would like a free copy of this book because this is not about
me. I don't care about making any money on the book. I will gift it to you free.
I'll pay for the book. You pay $5.95 shipping and handling
because I require skin in the game that my own kids wanted one. They will pay to
get a copy of the book if they're away. I want you to have a copy of this. So, I'll
pay for the book. You pay for the shipping. And I'll send one out to you
free. You can also get an audio version or a digital version for a nominal fee.
Also, I have an 18 hour master class. But it's in this book that you can learn
about these concepts like I-remember-whens and how we do this on our family
vacations. How do you get this book? You go to
entitlementabolitionbook.com.
Entitlementabolitionbook.com. And there you'll have the option to be able to get
a copy of the book and hard copy format. Or if you choose you can get an audio
version or a digital version. Or you can even enroll in a master class.