- Whew, hey guys.
So you all have asked me how I've been coping
with the loss of Bandit.
And one of the ways is not saying his name that often,
'cause it's really fresh.
I feel like it's gonna feel fresh for a long time.
One of the most healing things for me
was right after we lost him, I mean, just a few days later,
we were scheduled to be on that free flight trip
where we were getting three birds in the air.
One of which had already been in, which was Bucko.
Bucko has been flying for over a year now,
and he's been doing amazing,
and just watching his progress has been fantastic.
But our two new flyers were Katie,
with her blue and gold macaw Mia,
and Kim with her baby galah, Boomer.
And I know that Kim really expected me
to struggle hard meeting Boomer,
because he's a male, he's a baby galah.
She knows that I was like reminiscing
and missing the baby phase with Bandit.
But you know, Boomer didn't remind me of Bandit.
Other than being the same species,
his mannerisms his characteristics,
like some things are very galah,
but Bandit was a different baby, you know?
So I didn't see Bandit in Boomer.
But one of the things that helped heal my soul,
whew, through the process, is when I felt like
the world lost a flier in Bandit,
I felt like it gained one in Boomer.
And watching and being a part of Boomer's journey
and seeing that success and being there with Kim
and seeing her utter joy,
sometimes panic right before the joy,
was so healing for me to be a part of,
to just to feel, to feel that joy.
I was so happy to be there and be focused on that goal
and seeing Boomer in the air and seeing Mia in the air
and seeing my birds out and enjoying themselves, you know.
Like, part of my heart hurt
because Bandit was supposed to be there
experiencing that too.
But the other part of my heart felt really full
and really good because of all the joy
that was present in those moments.
And that helped me heal.
The things that our students, our free flight students
are just the most amazing people.
And some of the things I don't even think Kim realizes
what a huge role she played in my healing.
Just the things that she would say
about how she was inspired to get Boomer
through watching my videos with Bandit,
and how she wanted her relationship to be like that
and how it was all worth it,
and if Boomer could live half the life that Bandit did,
she would be happy.
And just these amazing things that I can't even
do them any justice trying to repeat them.
I feel like I'm butchering her words.
But really amazing things that those really close to me
who did know had to say, it really helped me.
That support system is so important.
I know a lot of you are wondering
if I spent time with my birds and if that helped me heal.
And the truth is when I was...
I was not functioning as a human being.
So the last thing I could do is put myself around my birds
because I knew I would get bit, because I was just a wreck.
I couldn't, I couldn't speak,
I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep.
It was horrendous.
And now I'm at a point where
being around my birds is incredibly healing
because I'm not so over-the-top emotional
that I can't handle seeing them.
They are very healing because they're a distraction.
They're a, I remember that I am here
and I still need to take care of you.
And they all have, they're all so different,
and so they offer me different reliefs.
Jinx makes me laugh.
Comet makes me cuddle.
Tusa makes me work, he makes me train.
You know, Bondai just brings me back down to earth
and keeps me on my toes,
and she doesn't just make it so easy.
And Cressy's just, she's the best.
My son Conyers already went to Florida,
where they're staying while we're in Australia,
so they are not here for this process.
But yeah, I think that the most healing thing,
and you know, I felt really guilty about this,
but right after I lost him, I blamed myself because
I felt like I was being too involved
in helping other people with their birds
than focusing on my own.
Like I was convinced that I missed something
and that I should have seen something
and that I should have known better
and I should have been able to catch
whatever the absolute heck this was.
And I beat myself up initially really bad about that.
And I just thought, like I can't believe
I was weighing birds that were not mine
like three times a day.
Like, why wasn't I doing that with my own birds?
And you know, and three times a day is overboard
unless you're doing a diet conversion,
which is what I was doing with that particular bird.
So I just, I held myself to this incredibly high standard
that nobody could reach.
And when vets told me that they can't even
be held to that same standard,
I realized I was putting a noose around my own neck.
You know, it was like emotionally
I couldn't win with myself.
And that was really hard and pulling myself out of that.
Because it was a downward spiral for me of blame and guilt.
And I questioned every little thing I did.
I, you know, there was one point on the drive
that Capri asked to have Bandit in the car.
And Bandit he's, he's not safe to have in the car just out,
and I knew that, and so I said no,
but of course later I was just like,
what if I had said yes?
Maybe I would have seen something in his behavior
that would have told me, you know,
like I just, I picked my choices apart.
Like it was like I was my own worst enemy.
And I think we all probably do that in these situations,
but I really annihilated myself emotionally.
And that was probably the hardest part.
And so just being able to breathe through that
and allow the birds that I have to heal me.
You know, one of the things that I felt super guilty about
was I wanted to be done with the project birds
when I lost Bandit.
I just wanted to be done with any birds that weren't mine.
And I felt super guilty about that.
And there was one evening that I was laying down
in the hotel room and Touche,
the Indian ringneck, he like just looked at me,
and something about the way he looked at me
and just it said something like,
"Give me the chance to heal you and I will, and I can."
And I realized like I needed to
open myself up to being healed,
because I wasn't receptive to that.
It was a huge moment for me.
And so Lefty and Touche were a huge part of that.
I felt understood by them.
I felt like I was in an emotional place
where they were receptive to me.
And I think that I get emotional to the point
where it's over the top and I am just going to
get nailed by by my animals.
And they're just going to be like,
"The heck's wrong with you?
Your emotions are everywhere.
Your energy sucks.
Like, you're a mess."
And they're just going to nail me.
And then I also feel like there's a point where
I come down enough to be open for love.
And that's where they're receptive to me again.
And our energy flows together
instead of resisting each other.
And so, yes, the animals were a huge,
huge part of my healing and...
Oh, Cressy, whew.
My mom actually said it best.
She said that because we kept him in the garden
and Cressy's in the garden a lot, and she mimics Bandit.
So it sounds like he's still there,
and it feels like he's still there.
So that's been really magical.
And it's been nice, because it feels like he's not gone
because of that.
So I'm really grateful to Cressy that she does that.
And I hope that she always does it forever.
So as much as that's like, it hurts,
because in a way it's not real,
in a way it is real, and it is part of him.
And so it's really helpful to have that,
to still have that part of him.
One of the things that I really wanted
your guys' input on is...
The veterinary clinic is sending me his leg band.
And I'm so grateful that they kept it.
And I want to do something special with it.
If it's a necklace or something.
If you guys have ideas, I would really appreciate the ideas.
I have, I'm not really sure where to start with it,
but I want to do something meaningful with that.
So if you guys have ideas, let me know in the comments.
I'd really appreciate any and all.
Or you can email me at info@birdtricks.com
if you're worried I won't see it in the comments.
I will say, I haven't been able to like fully
go through comments on Bandit's original video.
I'm just not ready to go there yet.
But I do appreciate all of you
that reached out and commented.
And especially, I don't want to get all snotty.
It's like gonna get, it's gonna get there guys.
But yeah.
So as far as how to cope, I think we all cope differently.
And I think we all just kind of have to find our way.
But being in nature, being outside,
being a part of something bigger than myself
has been helpful working on and focusing on work.
There's a fine line with that.
Some days I was still emotional, I worked like crap.
(laughs) I would spend hours accomplishing nothing.
Other times I would be able to dial it in
and focus that energy so well
that I would come up with magic.
And that felt really rewarding and really good.
I think for me, doing things that serve a bigger purpose
is where I really found my healing.
It was like, I'm gonna make
the best choices out of this going forward.
I'm gonna influence the most people.
And then hearing how he touched the lives of so many people.
And so many of you are naming your galahs Bandit
in the future, which is so sweet of a memory to do.
I just think that there's going to be so many Bandits
in the next generation of galahs, which is touching.
So yeah, thank you all,
because you've been a huge part of my healing.
You know, I had to tell you guys a month later
because I had to have my processing time
and I knew it was going to be really hard
when the whole world knew, because it would be out there
and constant and it was just gonna be really hard.
So thank you guys for being
so understanding and supportive and sharing your stories,
because not feeling alone has been huge.
You know, I think we all hate feeling like we're alone
in something, in a situation or in a,
I don't know what the word I'm looking for is,
but we don't like feeling like we're going,
the only ones going through something.
And you guys really helped me feel like I wasn't.
And the stories that you shared and all of those sad,
because there's so many people that lose animals
and they didn't see it coming,
and and it's a horrible thing.
It was also nice to not be the only one.
So, so that's huge.
So thank you all.
Thank you all for your support, your kind words.
Your fan art, oh my gosh.
All the Bandit fan art, like can't even.
That was that's awesome.
Okay, whew.
Like I said, this is gonna be fresh for a while
and I find myself still talking about him
like he's still here.
And so I'm sure that's going to be confusing for viewers
that don't know he's gone.
But...
Yeah.
One of the projects I did work on
that you guys suggested in my community tab
was what to do if you find a lost bird.
I created this and it was really fresh
and something that I could do and focus on
when I was really missing Bandit.
And so I used a lot of images of him, and it was fun,
and then it would make me break down
because reminiscing, but it was really neat.
And I kind of see it as like a tribute in his name.
So if you guys want that download,
if you want to share it with people,
it's what to do if you find a lost parrot,
how to get the word out there, who to contact,
how to take care of that bird,
and what to do to reunite that bird with its owner.
So that free download is in the description.
I will leave a link for those of you
that want it and want to share it,
or if you just want to look at the cute photos of Bandit.
But it's great information to know ahead of time
before you're ever in that situation,
or to know in case you know somebody
who gets themselves into that situation
so that you can help on a bigger scale.
So anyways, I hope you guys enjoy that download.
Again, link is in the description.
And thank you for all your comments, your likes,
your supports, your shares, everything.
Those of you that just went above and beyond,
contacting me and writing me texts
and sending me emails and doing the fan art.
It, I feel like there's not really a good enough way
to express how much it truly means to me.
So thank you guys for taking the time out of your day
to reach out and say something kind.
(soft piano music)