A new WWE authority figure has been revealed!
Ronda Rousey takes on the concept of acting.
And Curt Hawkins does not get tacos.
I’m Oli Davis, click the ‘i’ above my head to vote for what you thought of the show
- where you can choose from In Awe, Cor, AVRAWGE, Poor and Bore - as I review the 4th June,
2018 edition of Monday Night Raw ...in about 4 minutes.
Raw With Elias Elias opened Raw by promising he’ll win
the Intercontinental title from Seth Rollins at Money in the Bank, and then singing a song
about smashing a guitar over his back the previous week and insulting [INSERT YOUR HOMETOWN
SPORTS TEAM HERE].
A very grumpy Rollins interrupted with a chair to hopefully foreshadow a future Chair vs
Guitar match.
I can’t wait for the eventual Chair Vs Guitar-themed pay-per-view.
Quicker than you can say Holla Holla, Jinder Mahal had jumped Seth and Roman Reigns had
ran down for the save.
Several floppy Kurt Angle wrists later and we got a one-on-one match with The Undertak-I
mean a tag team match, playas.
Also, Coachman looks pretty different this week.
Great body transformation, Coachman!
Jinder Mahal & Elias beat Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns
Seth was once again the standout for this fun opener, but after some Sunil Singh interference,
Elias pinned Rollins after a DDT on a chair.
Guitar vs Chair match, I’m telling you.
James Harden beat Curt Hawkins (DQ) To avoid a 200th consecutive defeat, Curt
Hawkins took on local wrestler James Harden - presumably a joke on the Houston Rockets’
out of form basketball player James Harden.
Sports.
This was all a backdrop to possibly the best thing on this week’s episode: Constable
Corbin.
After beating up Harden to give Hawkins the DQ loss, and then putting Curt THROUGH A GOD
DAMN TACO!
He explained to the Raw General Manager that Stephanie McMahon’s made him a constable
round here to keep Angle in check.
Nia Jax beat Natalya What character will Nia Jax be this week?
She’s a babyface today!
Natalya tweaked her knee in their overlong match, which Jax fairly capitalised on for
the win.
This caused some awkward friction between Natalya’s bestie Ronda Rousey and a genuinely
remorseful Nia afterwards.
The awkwardness continued backstage, where Jax apologised for hurting Natalya even though
that’s kind of the reason they wrestle matches in the first place.
Natalya then walked off while Nia and Ronda just stayed standing there.
Some say they still stand there to this day.
This feud seems to work best when it doesn’t have layers, and is just a straight up fight.
Braun Strowman beat Bobby Roode Bobby Roode’s big plan against Braun Strowman
was to put a ladder between them on the outside.
I don’t really know what he was planning to do next, but it didn’t matter, because
Braun awesomely smashed the ladder in half with his bare hands.
Tag Team Battle Royal After a promo from Bray Wyatt and Woken Matt
Hardy, the entire Raw tag division - McInDolph included - competed in a Battle Royal to become
their new No. 1 contenders, Dolph Ziggler was the first eliminated, which
doesn’t overly hurt him and Drew McIntyre, but it hardly helps them either.
Just keep them out the match altogether, and then they can cut promos about how WWE fears
them.
The B Team won in the end because ‘comedy’].
Sadly, I’m rather over their act already.
Bobby Lashley Responds After weeks and weeks of awful sister nonsense,
now we’ve got Instagram nonsense!
There was a moment of fire to close Lashley and Sami Zayn’s latest segment, though.
Taunting Bobby from the safety of the rafters, Sami questioned whether Lashley ever even
served in the army.
This got a genuine ‘ooooh’ from the crowd, and Bobby looked legitimately angered.
Jinder Mahal Vs Roman Reigns In a different style of presentation, Jinder
and Roman cut promos on each other looking straight into the camera, which turned into
a backstage scuffle.
Riott Squad beat Alexa Bliss/Bayley, Sasha Banks & Ember Moon
Heel Alexa Bliss teamed with faces Sasha Banks and Ember Moon against the Riott Squad next.
Bliss quickly feigned injury and walked out on the match, though, setting up a Bayley
run in for the save and win later on.
Constable Corbin had other ideas, though, brilliantly bullying Kurt to overturn the
result and tell Bayley, Banks and Moon in person - which meant that the Bayley/Banks
feud will continue!
Finn Balor beat Kevin Owens (DQ) Before the main event, the Big Show introduced
the US Special Olympics team at the top of the ramp for a genuinely heartwarming segment,
complete with Finn Balor giving them Too Sweets in his entrance.
Because Balor Club is for everyone.
Unless you’re in Jeddah.
The only thing missing was Kevin Owens pop-up powerbombing one of the athletes on his way
to the ring.
Despite this looking like a dream match on paper, Owens and Balor’s first ever match
on the main roster, the action was rather plodding, with KO grinding down Finn for the
majority, and then a lacklustre DQ finish.
Owens continued the beatdown after the match, but Balor made a comeback hitting a Coup De
Grace off a ladder and then unhooking the Money in the Bank briefcase to close the show.
So Finn’s losing on June 17th, then.
Constable Corbin aside, there was nothing standout about this episode at all.
And for a three hour show, WWE really need to do better.
This week’s Raw is Poor.
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I’ve been Oli Davis, and that was wrestling.