what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the
problem but focus on the solution and today I wanted to take a moment just a
moment of your time to discuss relationships like I don't know about
you but relationships can jack you up all right like I have been in some of
the most toxic brutal relationships and a lot of it was because I had no
business absolutely no business dating anybody in the first place so recently
um as some of you know I've been doing a lot of writing over on media and that's
why I haven't really been uploading video this as much I love love love
riding the Avis and an article go semi viral over on medium and it was five
signs that you're not ready to date and after sitting here I haven't been
watching all the commentary videos and stuff like that but I've seen it all
over Twitter all of this stuff playing out with ImJayStation YouTube's resident
guy who I don't know speaks to dead people and his ex-girlfriend Alexia Marano for
watching that play out I was like huh there's some points that I made in that
article that I kind of want to discuss here on YouTube alright so if you are
not caught up to speed let me just give you the brief very quick rundown so Jay
station you know he he has a channel where he does like 3:00 a.m. challenges and dark web videos
a bunch of goofy just trendy things that kids like right so anyways he recently
got the bright idea that he was going to fake his girlfriend's death and then the
idea behind it was they were gonna resurrect her and everything like that
well anyways before you had a chance to do so he woke up and girl bounced all
right her name is Alexia Marano and ImJaystation made a video where he was in his closet
I think crying and discussing the relationship and everything and he
talked about how she accused him of assault and assault with a weapon and
everything and said there's a warrant out for his arrest but as far as I've
seen there's been no verification that there's a war
for his arrest anyways alexia finally made a video discussing the relationship
and why she left and all these other things right so you can go check out
their videos if you want to get the full the full story personally I have to
watch those things at two times speed because I just well yeah after seeing
how that whole relationship played out like maybe J station should stick to
fake hooking up with his friend so first let's talk about just not being ready to
date alright and here's here's something that I really want you you ladies out
there maybe even dudes if you're watching this to kind of look out for I
can never go back to a regular life ever I can't get a job I don't have a high
school diploma I dropped out of high school in grade 9 I got a criminal
record from when I was younger I ran away from home when I was a kid I got in
all kinds of trouble man and my parents my parents used to like me up when I was
a kid and that ran away from oh I would get bullied in school
so I ran away from home I drop out of school I'm in the middle of alright so
although I never made a career out of like three am challenges and talking to
dead people and using Ouija boards like I can actually relate to J Station in
this sense like I stayed single for a year and a half single single and
celibate for a year and a half after I got sober best decision I could have
ever made so like something that I I did was not
only did I constantly get into toxic relationships but I always blame the
other person I always said oh it was her fault and I played this victim and I'm
like why can't they find a nice girl all these other things right but finally
when I was able to sit back when I got sober and kind of analyzed these
relationships I'm like oh my god like I was I was the biggest issue in these
relationships right but the question is why why did I act the way I did in these
relationships and like J stations been very open about and I I don't know if
it's to get pity or whatever it is or if he's just being vulnerable and sharing
his experience but like he discusses his messed-up childhood like in the video he
recorded in his closet he discusses his screwed-up childhood and I could
definitely relate to that some of you might be able to as well but here's the
thing like we carry so much of that into our relationships whether it's our
friendships whether it's romantic relationships whatever it is so one of
the reasons I stayed single for a year and a half was because I was messed up
and until I had the courage to face those things and figure out why I behave
the way I do in relationships I realized that I had no business dating the the
thing I realized was it was extremely selfish and self-centred of me
to pull somebody into a relationship with me when I was messed up
right because we all have this human need to be with somebody right
I just based on our biology and the the need to reproduce and all that like we
were constantly looking for a partner right and something that we get into the
mindset of at least in my experience is we want to get a relationship because
we're dealing with so much pain and we believe that this person can fix us all
right and listen like we don't we don't date because we figure the other
person's like an auto mechanic and they're just gonna fix us up like I
realize that how selfish that wasn't me like it's nobody's responsibility to fix
me it's my responsibility to go out there and get help and understand why I
keep hurting the people that I'm in relationships with and because because
I've worked on myself for so long like finally like I am in the healthiest
relationship I've ever been in like my beautiful girlfriend Tristan and I we've
been together for over three years now and it's an actual healthy relationship
and one of those reasons is because I'm working on those things constantly even
though I'm miles ahead of where I used to be I've worked on all those things
that were just buried down in my subconscious that made me sabotage my
own relationships all right so the other aspect of this whole thing playing out
that I wanted to talk about was Alexia discussed how she caught Jay going
through her phone and checking like ODM for a long time until one night I was
sleeping Jay decided to take my phone and look through every single message I
had on my texts every single message on my Instagram on my Twitter even though
these messages weren't even bad and were from years before I even met Jay Jay
still thought that because of these messages I was gonna cheat on him I
would never do that guys I would never cheat on someone in a million years Jay
told me that he does not want me to have Instagram he does not want me to
have Facebook he does not want me to have snapchat he wanted to completely
erase all of my social media and you guys have to understand that this is not
a normal thing for someone to ask for someone in a relationship all right
so check this out this is the biggest red flag all right this is a huge huge
huge red flag somebody going through your phone so check this out
like like Alexia said like Jai's justification for this was his previous
girlfriend cheated on him right and here's the thing here's one of the
biggest mistakes that I personally made was carrying from what happened to my
last relationship into my new relationship like that is so unfair that
is so unfair to do to your new partner right like I understand that we get
trust issues from what happened in our last relationship but I realize like I
was just carrying the baggage right like one relationship ended terribly and I
just packed it all up in a suitcase got into my relationship brought that over
with me and then once I destroy that relationship I took all that stuff put
it back in the suitcase and then brought it to my next relationship so next thing
you know five women later they're having to deal with all the BS that happened to
me in the past and here's the way I had to think about it in order to get out of
that cycle all right I had to start asking myself how would I like if the
woman I was dating kept coming after me for things that her exes did to her you
know what I mean like I'd be like oh oh that's not fair I'm different I would
never do that I would never so if it's unfair for them to do it to me why on
earth would I do it to them like every relationship is a clean slate right like
if not we are going to eventually sabotage that relationship and again
that is one of the reasons why I work so hard to to work on myself you know what
I mean like Tristan you know she goes out and hangs
out with her friends and she's she's going to college as a bunch of like
young bucks over on the college campus and I've been cheated on the past but if
I get all up in her business about that like I will destroy my own relationship
you know what I mean and the last thing I want to say on that is because
sometimes we are absolutely justified absolutely justified in being suspicious
but here's the thing that I learned like if you have a good reason to go through
your partner's cell phone like maybe that's a huge sign that you shouldn't
even be in that relationship at all you know what I mean like I've been in
relationships where there was shady stuff going on I suspected they were
cheating then they were cheating you know what I mean
like I should have cut and run from those relationships way before that
stuff happened you know what I mean but anyways today because I've figured out
how to build my own self-confidence and things like that I don't have those
insecurities that make me want to do those things and make me want to go
check their phones you know so that is one of the reasons why I work a lot on
self-love and self-confidence and self-worth you know what I mean because
when I'm able to work on those things my insecurities don't screw up my
relationship you see what I'm saying so I think there's a lot a lot that we
can learn from this about relationships but anyways I don't think anybody I
don't think anybody out there is a lost cause and they should stay single
forever but again like we need to just be self-aware we need to understand what
our part is in screwing up these relationships and quit playing the
victim and realize like yo maybe we're not ready to be in a relationship yet
and once we work on ourselves then we can start dipping our toes back in the
water you know what I mean but anyways that's all I got for this
video if you want to check out my medium page I've been writing a ton
over there so go check it out they'll be linked down in the description as well
as that article I told you about five signs that you're not ready today you
want to check that out all right anyways thanks again for watching and a huge
huge huge thank you to everybody out there supporting the channel over on
patreon as well as everybody who supports the channel bye bye my mental
health books over at the rewired soul calm and the merch and everything like
that and if you're new don't forget to subscribe and ring that notification
bell see you next time