♪ Zack Morris is trash ♪
(bell ring)
- [Narractor] The Forum is packed.
Casey Kasem interviews Zack Morris backstage
about rock-stardom.
Zack's trilled to be skipping school with
a never ending supply of young women to take advantage of.
The rest of the gang's in the band too.
- [Group] Friends forever!
- [Narrator] Yeah, we'll see.
Now back to where it all started for some reason.
♪ Yes we knew ♪
- [Narrator] That's enough of that.
The band sounds fine despite Zack.
And Casey Kasem's in the garage too.
Sure why not.
Brian Fate, a record producer who certainly exists
was jogging by and heard their song.
He wants to sign them.
Brian's other team band recently broke up as
show business destroyed their friendship and lives.
Zack sees no issue trusting the sweaty garage invader.
♪ Always ♪
- [Narrator] No thanks.
The rest of the band carries Zack
who brings nothing to the table except an unwavering
commitment to be sub-average.
When they get studio time any group would kill for,
Zack's distracted by the first lady he sees.
The band's name, Zack Attack.
Because Zack is an egomaniac who is also bad at band names.
Their publicist Mindy says they sold five million copies
of their horse balls melody.
But are they still friends?
- We're friends first and nothing could
ever come between us.
- [Narrator] Yeah, we'll see.
Zack hits on Mindy in front of everyone while she's at work.
Michael Jorkson and Madunna awards Zack Attack some award.
Everyone makes heartfelt speeches,
thanking friends and family.
Zack uses this moment to creep on Mindy and thank ...
- Everyone, for listening to my music.
I mean our music.
- [Narrator] Smooth.
Lisa design new costumes for the group.
Mindy got a real designer to handle wardrobe.
Zack bails on his childhood friend
for a woman he met at breakfast.
Mindy tells Zack he's a star
who won't need those losers soon.
Zack wonders how soon.
Zack distributes a song he co-wrote with Mindy.
The band's confused.
Mindy isn't a member or a writer.
Kelly, Slater, and Screech wrote a song,
maybe let's try that?
Mindy farts about it.
They do their song.
It has potential.
Zack scoffs with Mindy
then tells them to get with the program.
Despite being disrespected the band does their best efforts
to polish the musical loose turd they've been handed.
As the press reports on a growing divide
Zack furiously demands to know whose been using their
first amendment rights to tell the truth.
Then has the audacity to say this to the saints
who tolerate his daily mission to waste oxygen.
- She is the best thing that ever happened to me.
- [Narrator] Brian urges them to pause
and go play their biggest concert ever in five minutes.
But Zack keeps picking at this open wound he caused
then shamelessly asked for validation
that he's a good person.
- You've changed Zack.
- She's right.
- [Narrator] She's wrong.
He's always been a dick-icle.
Zack reflects on his trusted friends
presenting a harsh reality for like one second
then abandons them at show time
and says they'll fail without him.
Mindy does make Zack a star.
A cartoon dancing monkey dofus of a star.
- You couldn't even hear a word I say.
- [Narrator] Sounds like an improvement.
Zack hears Slater, now a race car driver was hospitalized.
Zack suddenly decides he's ready to be a friend again
and if it means he could quit another job.
Zack marches into Slater's hospital room in
sunglasses, a sequin blazer, and zero shirt to say
he's no longer a man who makes bad choices.
Zack phones in an apology nobody buys,
leaving Screech to rebuild his burned bridges.
There's a shameless money grab reunion tour.
The final page of Zack's scumbag musician playbook.
The concert is fine.
Or it would be if it ever happened.
The whole thing was just a dream in
Zack's bland blonde brain.
So even in his wildest fantasies,
he's a miserable failure who ruins the lives
of those closest to him.
Let's review.
Zack Morris put his friendship in the hands of a man
who said he destroys friendship.
Then named their band after a STD you get on spring break
and sexually harassed his publicist into a relationship
and took all the credit for their success
before turning his back on his closest allies
for a pair of butt cheeks.
After he couldn't bully them into silence,
Zack deserted his friends when they needed him the most
and couldn't stick the landing on his
embarrassing solo career
and couldn't even take the time to put a shirt on
for his apology after his decision making
put Slater in the hospital.
Plus he made us sit through a fucking dream episode?
Unforgivable.
Zack Morris is trash.
♪ Zack Morris is trash ♪
(bell ring)