-Welcome back, everybody.
We are hanging out with Chelsea Handler now!
-I'm here.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-We were talking earlier about --
about how great you were on "The Daily Show."
And I just like that you're able to just speak your mind
and say whatever you want about whatever you want to say.
And it's very funny, but it's very honest.
It's very you.
And I thought maybe it'd be a fun game
if you just helped everyone with their life decisions out there.
And we got a bunch of questions.
It is time for "Life Coach with Chelsea Handler."
Here we go.
-♪ Life Coach ♪
♪ With Chelsea Handler ♪
-I love it.
-Are you ready to give out some tough advice?
-Yeah, no problem. I love this.
-You'll be great at this. Right.
No order, but I'll just start with this one.
-"I went to a dry wedding, but the problem --"
-Ugh.
So annoying.
That's so annoying to have a dry wedding.
-"The problem is --" That wasn't the problem.
-Oh, oh, okay. -"The problem is I'm not dry
and brought some booze." -Right.
-"Now the bride and groom won't talk to me.
Should I apologize?"
-I would just say, yeah, you can apologize,
but just also stop being friends with them.
You know what I mean?
What's the point? What's the point?
Like, you like drinking. They're dry.
Like, just end it and just go out with people
that you enjoy having a good time with.
-Oh, my God. -Yeah.
-Just end the -- -I mean, it's not complicated.
No. -Not complicated.
"We're not friends anymore."
-But, no, you can say you're sorry,
but they shouldn't be having a dry wedding in the first place.
That's not thinking of others.
That's only thinking of, you know.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-Selfish. -Yeah, you're coming
to a wedding, you're bringing a gift.
You could at least throw me a Long Island iced tea
or something, you know?
-Yeah, it doesn't have to be top-shelf or anything.
-Well... -Alright. This one says...
-Well, that's annoying, too,
because if she's your best friend,
she should know that's how you like to exit a party.
You know, I don't have anything wrong with an Irish exit.
When people say goodbye --
or they leave without saying goodbye,
I don't mind that.
I've done it plenty of times.
I've done it in my own house at a dinner party.
I've just -- I have.
I mean, I just am done with the company
and I wrap things up and I just go to bed, you know.
-And they're still eating.
-They can still hang out. Have fun.
I love hearing laughter and joyousness in my own house,
especially when I'm in my room.
I loved that feeling, that familial, you know?
-It lulls you to sleep. -Yeah, yeah, so...
But also, you know, your friend should understand
if you make an Irish exit,
that's not the worst thing in the world.
Who cares about that? -Yeah.
So don't be friends with them. -Well, I mean...
-I'm adding the worst advice.
-I don't know how many friendships
I want to break up tonight, so let's go one by one by one.
-Yeah, okay, perfect. Yeah.
Alright, this one is...
-You definitely do not have to go to a dog's birthday party.
That's a very annoying friend also, quite frankly.
You know what I mean?
It's one thing to have a birthday party for a dog.
It's another thing to register for that dog.
Like, that's a little bit much. -It's a bit much.
-Everybody needs to -- You need to look within
and figure out why everyone is friends with each other,
because it doesn't add up.
-Yeah. Have you ever gone to a dog's birthday party?
-No, and I never would.
I mean, I'd sooner go to a cat --
No, I wouldn't go to a cat's birthday party, either.
But I wouldn't go to a dog's birthday party.
-You love dogs. -I do love dogs,
but I don't know when their birthdays are, you know?
And it's not important.
Like, I'm not celebrating a dog's birthday.
-Okay. Yeah. Okay. Absolutely not.
This one's not about birthdays.
It seems like the last two or three are about birthdays.
-I'm like a birthday wrecker.
-Alright, Chelsea.
-Yes!
Yes, you should call him out on it.
-Yeah. -Oh. Oh, I see. Camera off.
Not just, like, from up. Okay.
I was thinking about, you know --
You know what I was thinking about.
Camera off. -People don't do that.
-No, sometimes people are insecure on-camera, I think.
Right?
I'm not, so I don't know what other people are thinking,
but people -- Right?
Some people don't want to be on-camera.
Right? Yeah. Respect that.
-I don't know. They're kind of divided, I feel.
-Are you?
-Well, I think if you're on a Zoom call,
I think go back to the phone call.
I think we're good with the Zooms.
-I would love to go back to phone calls,
and I would also like to make an announcement
that I don't like FaceTime
and I don't want people to continue to FaceTime me.
That is an assault.
[ Laughter ]
-What are you talking about?
-People random-- Like, you have to make an appointment
to talk to me on the phone face-to-face.
I'm not just going to pick up and be like, "Whoo!"
No, I hate that. I hate it.
-Yeah, you have to make an appointment.
-Yeah. -I agree. It's a bit much.
Yeah, too much. How about this?
-You're the music guy, aren't you?
I mean, you help him make a decision, Jimmy.
This one is on you. -These are movies.
-Oh.
[ Laughter ]
"PAW Patrol." -"PAW Patrol"?
It's a cartoon.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Did you mean Snow Patrol?
-[ Laughs ]
-I think you meant Snow Patrol. -Oh, my God.
-"PAW Patrol" is a cartoon for kids.
-I know. I defer to you guys on music.
You know this.
-"PAW Patrol" or "Saw"? I don't know.
-I don't know. They both sound like --
One sounds like it's about a dog's birthday party,
and the other one --
-Sounds like a FaceTime.
[ Laughter ]
It's everything we talked about.
Yeah, stay home. Yeah.
Don't be friends with your husband.
Alright.
-"The holidays are coming up,
and I'm dreading spending time --"
-Already?
-It is. -It's October.
What do you mean?
-Have you been to a CVS?
-No, I haven't. -It's merry Christmas.
-Oh, really? -Happy Hanukkah.
-Already? -It's happening, absolutely.
-Isn't there a big holiday that has to come before that?
Like, Thanksgiving or Oct-- -And Halloween.
-Yeah, Halloween,
before we head right into Christmas and Hanukkah.
-No. -Oh, that means I'm going to
see my family again soon.
-That's what this is.
-A good way to handle that situation
is to tell your husband's parents, who sound Republican,
that you are thinking about --
that you are thinking about transitioning.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Sit down!
Look at him.
-That is all the time we have
with "Life Coach with Chelsea Handler."