- [Narrator] The NFL is at its best
when the game goes down to the wire.
Roethlisberger to Holmes for the Super Bowl 43 game winner,
the Rams stopping Dyson one yard short as time expired,
or DeSean Jackson dropping, dancing,
and returning the punt to knock off the Giants.
Watching two teams battle with the game
on the line is incredible,
but when one team brings everything they've got
and the other can't score a point to save their season,
the result is an unwatchable nightmare that,
of course, Jeff Fisher is invited to.
This is The Worst NFL Blowout.
The New England Patriots took on the Tennessee Titans
in Foxborough, Massachusetts on October 18th, 2009.
Brian Hoyer lined up to take a knee in the closing seconds,
the finality to a beating so demoralizing
that Jeff Fisher and company failed to realize
their misery was not yet done.
Once officials reminded everyone
that it had been fourth down so the clock stopped,
Vince Young had to trudge onto the field
to take one last pitiful snap.
Spoiler, the fact that this kneel down was properly executed
might have been the best thing the Titans did all day.
Before the game kicked off,
there was actually hope for this 0 and 5 Tennessee team.
Sure, snow had been collecting all day
and there would be wind gusts up to 25 miles per hour,
but with Chris Johnson and LenDale White,
those lousy conditions played right into Tennessee's hand.
The same couldn't be said for the Patriots.
Brady was throwing over 40 times per game through five weeks
and only once had the team cracked 100 yards rushing.
Hell, in pregame warmups, even our perfect boy, Tom,
was having a hard time handling the ball.
The Titans were still just 10 months removed
from being the number one seed in the AFC,
and the only meaningful departure from that team
came when Albert Haynesworth swindled Washington
on the first day of free agency.
And once the game actually got underway,
it looked like their defense might keep them in it.
They gave up 10 points in the first quarter,
but, hey, it's the Patriots, that happens.
Unfortunately, their offense had eight meaningful drives
in the first half, five of which ended with a punt,
including this 21-yard beauty
by the poor but busy Reggie Hodges.
The other three resulted in this LenDale White fumble,
a bunched snap, which the Patriots fell on,
and then this Kerry Collins interception.
They finished the first half with 84 yards on offense,
which is honestly surprising considering their passing
attack had been impressive for all the wrong reasons,
but we'll come back to that.
Those turnovers happened on back to back to back possessions
and all contributed to a second quarter,
which requires a not-safe-for-work tag
in case any Patriots fans are watching.
Y'all might get a little too excited.
Already up 10 nothing, Tom Brady abused the Titan's defense.
He started by hooking up with Randy Moss
on this flea flicker for a 40-yard score.
Then, less than one minute later,
the pair connected again from 28 yards out.
A couple minutes after that, this screen pass to Kevin Faulk
resulted in a 38-yard touchdown.
That led to Welker getting in on the action,
once from 30 yards out and then again from the five.
In less than 10 minutes of game time,
the Titans' defense gave up five passing touchdowns,
which matched how many the Titans' offense
had total on the season.
And while Patriots pass catchers
hauled in 23 of Brady's 28 attempts,
Tennessee receivers seemed confused
by the concept of a catch.
Collins passed 12 times
and completed a grand total of two on the day,
aided by some awful drops from guys like Chris Johnson.
He finally connected on his sixth pass for a nice
15-yard gain to Ahmard Hall, but the lowest part
of his night came on his second completion.
Facing fourth and 10 from the New England 17,
Collins stumbled in his drop.
He flipped the ball to Nate Washington out of desperation,
who fumbled and sent the play backwards,
resulting in a 22-yard loss.
This got credited as a pass play
and gave the Titans negative seven yards passing on the day.
That was one of just eight Tennessee plays
in New England territory all game,
and three of those eight would result in a lost fumble.
Collins got yanked after that
and he passed the torch off to Vince Young, who immediately
threw it to a Pats defender on his first attempt.
Back to Brady, he led the Patriots
for just one drive in the second half,
throwing a third touchdown to Randy Moss,
so at this point, he didn't even care to celebrate.
The undrafted free agent, Brian Hoyer, took over from there
and led New England on a 12-play drive, that was capped off
by a failed QB sneak and then a good QB sneak,
plus, whatever this celebration is.
Neither team scored in the fourth.
Hoyer took a knee on second, third,
and then, for some reason, fourth down,
and then VY showed 'em how it's done to end the game.
Here's the thing,
this beating should have been so much worse than 59 to zero.
The Patriots set record after record with their performance
but the garbage conditions and even more garbage opponent,
we deserved to see them go for blood.
Instead, in the most lopsided regular season game since
the merger, the victors barely tried for half the game.
In the NFL, there are right ways to blow a team out
and there are wrong ways.
Allow me a quick history lesson.
In 1940, the Chicago Bears put on a clinic
for how to destroy an opponent.
In the NFL Championship game,
they completely dismantled Washington 73 to nothing.
But there was a big difference in these two shellackings.
The Bears scored in every quarter,
putting up 19 or more points in the first third and fourth.
Not only was their offense rolling,
but their defense found the end zone as well,
with three pick sixes in the third quarter.
I know the forward pass was still a fresh idea,
but come on.
They treated the NFL Championship game as a company retreat
and made sure everyone got in on the fun.
Back to 2009 and the Patriots
blew their load in the second quarter.
From there, Belichick decided to just toy with his foe.
Like a lioness teaching her cubs how to finish off their
wounded prey, Hoyer came in looking to make his coach proud.
Usually with your backups in and a sizable lead,
you're running the ball and killing the clock,
but in the 23 non-kneel down plays ran with Hoyer
on the field, the Pats still threw the ball 11 times,
plus three rushes by Hoyer.
They also let the rookie go for it twice on fourth down
and converted one of them.
Basically, this is the lioness passing off the wounded zebra
and the cub just swats at it until it dies of exhaustion.
The only redeeming thing about this game
was that Phil Simms had to suffer through it.
Nantz forced him to relive memories he tried to forget.
- [Phil] Don't bring up that game.
- [Jim] Why is that?
- [Phil] Because I get nervous because I got
almost crushed with a snowball.
- [Narrator] But even that bright side fell apart as the
master conversationalist killed airtime with impressions.
- [Jim] Do you want to hear my British accent?
(Phil laughs)
Well, there's three kinds of tea, how's that?
- [Narrator] And when the game wasn't good enough
to talk about, they focused on their coworker
who got absolutely blown up,
and then Simms tries to kink shame him.
- [Narrator] To top it all off, Jeff Fisher used this
blowout loss to turn the Titans' season around
and accomplish his annual personal goal,
an eight and eight finish.
Just as a nuclear blast won't disrupt a cockroach population
a 59 nothing loss won't derail this coach.
So just remember, the only good blowout
is one that goes on for the full 60 minutes
with no mercy given on either side of the ball,
because otherwise, Jeff Fisher will never learn.