- Why do you love me?
Such meaningful, beautiful questions.
(cards pattering)
(clicks)
- [Cailey] (sighs) Look into my eyes
and describe what you see.
- I see fantastic makeup, (chuckling)
but obviously they're trying to go deeper than that.
I see somebody who honestly gets me in a way
that I don't think I ever thank you enough for.
And it's so bizarre to me because we have such different...
different realities in so many ways.
And we were raised in such different ways,
but at the same time, as soon as we we're together,
you just know it's family.
- Or we're the same person.
- Yeah, we are literally the same person. (chuckles)
- I was thinking about this last night.
Just being shocked at how alike we are.
And I was like, it had to be like this
because I had to see enough of my story in you to trust you.
And I also learned so much from you,
from the parts that are different from me.
It's almost like looking in a fun house mirror, you know,
it's like I recognize myself, but different.
- I feel the same way and I think when we first reconnected,
I was 17, I think.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I hadn't really understood enough
of my story at that point and because of that,
I was a lot more hesitant.
And you know, I didn't trust you enough at that point,
because we were strangers in so many ways.
But then a few years pass, we're still talking
to each other, we're still seeing each other when we can.
And then I don't even know when it happened, but like,
I don't know, It just clicked at one point.
And I was like, yeah, this is my cousin, Cailey.
This is, it's not like I'm telling somebody,
"Oh, I went to see my cousin, Cailey,"
like there's this big dramatic history.
We're trying to work things out.
It literally just became, I get to hang out with Cailey.
I think I needed to grow up a little bit
before I was able to do that.
When do you feel the closest to me?
I think I know this. (chuckles)
- When we're eating dessert. (laughs)
- That's exactly what I was gonna say. (laughs)
- Or those nights on the deck.
- Yeah.
- When everyone's gone to sleep.
(laughing)
- Okay, I have a question.
Woo, this is a good one. (mutters)
What are you hesitant to talk about with me?
- Hoo. (chuckles)
No, I made that seem more dramatic
than I think it has to be.
I think for me, a huge one that I've
been holding in for a little while
is my own very, very internalized fat phobia.
- Mm.
- And it's something that I haven't even thought
about in years, it really isn't.
But I remember early on in our reconnection,
things like that when we would discuss, yeah, your weight.
And that's not fair in any regard, you know?
And it was usually a comment and I would say something
like, "Guys, like I'm fat too."
And they would be like, "Yeah, but you're not as big."
- Right.
- And rather than call them out on that,
instead I said something along the lines of like,
"Don't let me get that big."
- Yeah.
- And I have been so sorry for that for so long.
- Aw.
- And, but like, yeah.
I didn't want to tell you because I genuinely,
even as it was happening, I realized,
that is not actually the view that I have.
That is something coming out because I'm still trying
to distance myself, I'm still trying
to remove myself from that, from you.
And it was just easier to do it in a way
that society has ingrained in us to do.
- I don't want to tell you how to feel,
but you don't need to feel badly about it.
It's nothing I haven't heard before. (laughs)
- Please, you're like family.
- And I've long since decided that
what someone says about my body only says anything
about how they feel, not about me.
And you've even taught me stuff about that,
like when we were in Victoria,
I was at a particularly low self image moment.
And I was like, "Oh, well who would want to date me anyway?"
And you said, "That is some white person bullshit,"
like stop it.
(laughing)
And I think about that whenever I feel like,
no one wants to be with a fat girl.
I think like, that's some white person bullshit.
And how many people do I need to date
before I convince myself that that's not true.
- You have taught me so much about, you know,
I don't wanna call it body positivity,
or body neutrality, or whatever.
But just in general, like I'm allowed to exist.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm allowed to be fat.
I'm allowed to expect to be treated as an equal.
What is your biggest fear right now
that you haven't shared with me yet?
And what can I do to support you better?
- Oh.
The broader part of it is just losing people,
like people dying, I'm not good with.
But I worry about Bubbe dying all the time.
I know we've talked about that a little.
Right now, I'm super worried about it
'cause we can't be there.
And so I've coped with that by just not talking to her,
which is super productive.
And so how you can support me in that,
I guess is just talking about it with me.
And I know we're both really worried about losing her.
I mean, she's in her 90s, people don't live forever.
I just really hope we don't lose her
before we can all be together again.
- Yeah, me too.
You know, she believes that she will be
with our grandfather, whether I believe that is true.
No, not necessarily.
I think we all have very different ideas
of what happens after life, everyone does.
But I'm willing to support her
in what she thinks will happen.
- Mm-hmm.
How are we most similar and how are we most different?
- Mm.
(sighs) Well we're most different, I think,
just that although we have very similar interests
and perspectives in a lot of way,
we were raised in two different cultures.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I think a large part of that is, I was raised
being proud and identifying strongly with being Jewish,
not religiously, but culturally.
Whereas from what I understand, that was sort of
(chuckles)
not a comfortable area for your family.
- Yeah.
- And as well as that, I mean, I was raised
(speaks foreign language) enoch.
Being enoch has been a huge part of my life.
Being Indigenous, that shapes me in so many ways.
Whereas you were raised in a place where there's a lot
of racism towards Indigenous people.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I think that you've definitely shown time
and time again that you are not somebody
who's going to subscribe to that.
- Yeah.
- And I think you've worked very hard to ensure
that you deconstruct those internalized things
that you were raised around, but I think it does inform
how we interact with other people.
- Mm-hmm.
I know that that's very hypothetical and bizarre,
but I do think that you and I are so similar
in so many ways, but we interact
with the world and with people differently.
- Mm-hmm.
- How we have relationships, how we form relationships,
is very much shaped by the cultures we were raised in
and the families we were raised in.
I think we both just...
we just, we both want to heal.
- Yeah.
- And I think we understand that we can't
just heal ourselves.
For us to be healed, for human beings to heal,
they need to be in a healthy environment.
And they need to help their community get
to that healthy environment.
And sometimes I think we try too hard,
at the detriment to our own health,
to ensure that the people around us are able
to get the support and what they need.
But at the same time, I'm so grateful
that we share this because we can learn from each other.
We can remind each other to take
what we need for ourselves as well.
- Oh, I don't like this question, it's sad.
If this were to be our last conversation,
what is something you never want me to forget?
- You've always been family.
You are enough as you are.
You don't have to prove yourself
to us to be part of this family.
You don't have to act a certain way or be a certain way.
Even if you were a completely different human,
you would be enough.
- Mm-hmm.
- I would want to tell you, thank you.
Reaching out a hand only works if someone reaches back.
You've been open, you've challenged yourself
to get to know me,
based on who I am, not how people talk about me.
So, and thank you, that has been so healing.
'Cause I didn't believe that people would do that for me.
- I do also want to say one more thing
and it's probably not my place.
So feel free to tell me to just like,
get over myself. (chuckles)
- Okay.
- Your father loves you so much.
(sighs)
(chuckles)
I know me saying that isn't gonna make it stick anymore.
Especially when he himself
has a really hard time showing it.
- Or saying it. (chuckles)
- Or saying it.
But I truly think that he's proud of you.
- Thank you.
- I think that, I mean, all of us are.
There's so much to be proud of.
You are literally one of the coolest,
kindest, most hardworking people.
So there's a lot to be proud of.
He's proud of you, I'm proud of you.
And when you don't feel like you can be proud of yourself,
that's okay, 'cause I'll be proud enough for the both of us.
- I appreciate that, thank you.
Thank you for knowing that I need that too,
because my real dad doesn't. (laughs)
- Yeah.
I genuinely feel like this was a very good thing
for us to do.
- I know, it sucks that we can't be
in the same room right now. (laughs)
- Oh, oh goodness.
But this will do until we can safely
and happily be together again.
- True, that's true. - Yeah.
- Hey everyone, if you like the conversation
that was sparked using our questions,
try it out for yourself.
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if you wanna check it out and thanks for watching.