Matt: I'm really excited today because today we have Tripp Kramer from Tripp advice, and
it's an honor to have you on Tripp. Tripp: Thanks for having me.
Long time coming.
Glad we can make it work.
So I call myself the the friend zone shy guy.
So I was double whammy there. Right?
Friend zoned. Shy with girls.
But even when I'd be able to make a girl
who's a friend.. Boom! Right into the friend zone.
All my life in high school and then
through college. In college, it got a little bit better.
What happened was it's funny. I and so I wear glasses all my life.
I usually wear contacts now,
but for the first time ever, I decided to get contacts.
I was I was like 19, 20 years old and my confidence just soared, weirdly enough.
Like, I just getting contacts like it did
something to me, I don't know, like I felt like less nerdy or something like that.
I didn't look much different,
maybe a little bit better because my glasses weren't that cool time.
So I got a little jolt of confidence and I
started to hook up with a good girl here and there.
But it was never the girls I really wanted
and I was still getting friends zoned all the time.
So that was like my first little bit of superficial confidence.
But after that,
after university, I decided to move to Los Angeles. And Los Angeles,
I only knew, about a couple of people. So I had no social circle,
only a couple of friends, people that I was living with.
And in Los Angeles, it's not very easy to meet people.
You have to be very proactive,
right? Either go into the bars or you make friends and you're going to parties or
doing social events or networking or whatever.
So you really got to push yourself.
And I wasn't doing much of that, but I wanted to date.
So now I'm like twenty two, twenty three years old.
And I ended up reading the book "The Game",
which is pretty much like, 99 percent of guys who get into this.
Yeah, I'm that normal story. Right?
You read the game and you have
that realization like well I didn't know that you could, you could work on this.
Like this is a skill.
This is something that you could get good at.
So after that, I looked up stuff on the Internet and I dove in.
And so I got really immersed in P U A
culture and watching things, and listening to things, and reading things.
But I didn't do anything with it.
I really just kind of watched it and some of it absorbed, some didn't.
And finally nothing was happening because
I still wasn't being proactive, because I had really bad approach anxiety,
nothing is happening my dating life.
So I started going out and I started
making a lot of moves to defeat the shyness, defeat the approach anxiety.
And it worked because I put a lot of effort into it.
Matt: I like how you went back to the glasses now. Because you're like "It's not about
the glasses or the lack of glasses that give me confidence."
"So now I can rock the glasses again." Tripp: Exactly.
You know, it's like I like these glasses. I think they look good.
So I wear them every once. I still wear contacts,
but yeah, that's that's one of the biggest points is that it wasn't that oh,
I started getting some more girls because I became more attractive.
It was that I started feeling more attractive, which gave me that confidence.
And that's what got me some of those results.
Again, I didn't really know what I was
doing, but I just felt a little bit more confident.
So I started hooking up with some girls.
But yeah, I really comes a lot more from the inside, doesn't it?
Matt: Absolutely. When you have that feeling of confidence,
then it doesn't matter really what you're wearing or what the situation is.
So I know you were a shy guy.
I was definitely a shy guy as well.
And I know we both have a lot of clients
who would definitely consider themselves as being shy, being introverted.
And I think a lot of guys think that you
have to be an extrovert to be able to meet and attract and have success with women.
And that being shy is a is a big handicap.
What do you think about that and what do you tell shy guys?
Tripp: The thing is, is when it comes to shyness,
that just means that you don't have enough experience with women.
That's all it means you don't have enough experience.
That's one part of it.
And another part is you really care too much what people think about you.
So those are the I would say, the two pillars of shyness,
because someone who's shy, they go into a social situation and all
they're thinking is "What does the person I'm talking to think about me?
Are they judging me or do I feel inferior here?
Do I feel like everyone is better than me?"
So you're constantly putting yourself in this social standing,
comparing yourself to other people and you're just worried about that.
And like I said in the first part is you don't have enough experience with women.
So that means that you don't really know how to handle a social situation.
So you're not confident with it.
So one thing I say is confidence comes from competence.
So in order to be more confident
in something, it doesn't just magically happen.
You have to become competent in it.
And you can compare that to any skill in the world. Is you don't feel competent
in something that you haven't tried before.
You can pick up a guitar. You never even picked up a guitar before.
You're not going to feel very confident because you're not competent.
You don't have you don't have time with it.
So for guys to get over their shyness, it's kind of this catch 22 situation.
But you have to go out and start approaching and start meeting women.
But I tell guys as guys,
they hear all this stuff online, listen to podcasts and listen to all this stuff.
And they think that when they go out to do approaching that they have to do it all.
They're like, "Oh, I have to, like,
use the right opener and like do the attraction techniques.
And I got to look good and I got to know how to close."
And they think, like,
"I got to do everything at once!" And it overwhelms them.
And usually they don't do anything or they try it and they just are too..
It's too much of a jumble in their head and it goes nowhere.
And then it puts them back into shy mode. They don't try it again.
But I tell guys who are shy, you're making the barrier of entry way too high.
You've got to lower the barrier of entry.
So it's OK to go out and start
a conversation with someone about nothing or just go and talk to someone and ask
them directions somewhere, or just get out there
and get around people so you can have more exposure to it.
And therefore, over time you'll become more competent in it.
And then your confidence will go up, your shyness will start to go away.
It all works.
I would never say my method is better than them.
It all works or else they wouldn't be doing what they're doing.
No one is going to teach something if it's not working for them.
So it all works.
But the problem is, is you don't do it.
You don't end up doing anything with it.
Like like you said, if you go out and you
say hi to five girls, literally hi and then walk away,
I would say that's that is ten times better than sitting
at home watching or absorbing twelve hours of of content.
One hundred percent. And we're talking about saying five to hi
girls, which could literally take you five minutes or less.
Matt: And I love that you say that the feeling, to paraphrase,
but "The feeling of confidence comes from the action of confidence."
And most guys want to do it the other way around.
They want the feeling of confidence first.
So then they'll go approach women, just like Jules said.
Jules said drinking alcohol kind of gives
you that feeling of confidence, but not a good idea to rely on that, of course.
But instead, you just got to build up the confidence by doing it.
Tripp: And that's where it gets tough.
Here's here's where and I understand like I feel for the guys
or this is why it's tougher to go and approach women than it is to play
the guitar, even though that's the analogy I use.
Right?
It's like, the only difference is the guitar is not
going to judge you and there's no one around you to judge you.
So you go into it and you're sitting
in a room alone and yeah, OK, you can start picking like whatever, you know.
But if I tell you to go say hi to a girl, it's me a lot harder. Why?
Because there's the judgment that you're
feeling from the other person, and that's what makes it scary for guys.
One of the reasons why guys don't like rejection, like I didn't care to get
rejected once I got it feels like, "Oh, this is not so bad"
but a lot of guys,
they don't like rejection.. And this is all false thinking,
OK? They don't like rejection because when when they when and if they get rejected,
it confirms their shitty beliefs about themselves.
So they already don't like themselves in some way.
And so if this is deep stuff, so but if they go out and get rejected,
it becomes proof and then it hits them even harder.
And I try to get guys out of that mindset to let them know that the rejection or
the girl that doesn't like you or you even get a first date with them and then they
ghost you, whatever, don't take it so personally.
It's not so much about it is about you,
but it's not so much about you in the way that you think it is. Because you make up
stories in your head of all of these things you don't like about yourself,
but it's not as true as you believe it to be. Everyone's a little bit different.
So you might need to work a little harder.
I had to work very hard, by the way.
I had really massive shyness and approach anxiety.
I mean, it was so bad, it took me months and months
of approaching to get over it and to get to a point where I felt
comfortable doing it. So I can relate to any guy who's like-
"You make it sound easy, but it's not." I get it.
It's not easy.
You know, it's not easy.
And especially when you're doing it like a loud club and you just think everyone's
looking at you. Like, I've been through it all and you just have to go through it.
Have really bad nights.
I always say my one of my stories of
of my past is the first night I went out to try this.
I'm on Hollywood Boulevard.
I went out for three hours and I was trying to do it sober.
I didn't use alcohol to do it. That was like, my goal.
Like, let me see if I can just do this without having to drink.
And nothing happened. And one of the three hours and I couldn't
talk to one girl, I couldn't say I had a one girl. Day two,
three hours.
I said hi to one girl and ran away like like a scared boy.
It's like "Hey!" and I kept walking, right?
And I was like, all right.
Got a little bit better.
And then the next night I did it to a few more girls.
And then the next time I went out a little bit more.
But then I went out another night and I
went back into my shell and it was really scary and I couldn't do it.
So you had these kind of ups and downs,
ups and downs, but it depends how bad you want it.
You know? How much you want.
I wanted it really badly.
I wanted to fix this issue.
I wanted to work on it.
So I just kept on pushing myself and kept on pushing myself.
It's not easy, but that's what you have to do.
Matt: And I love how you make it so simple. That's what I mean.
That's what we do, too, like starting off with asking for directions.
So you're taking the pressure away.
And sometimes it still feels like a ton of pressure.
Like you said, you went out for three hours and did nothing.
And then the next night you just said hi. Right.
And you're still putting, like,
all this pressure on yourself, I'm sure, to do something.
But finally, when you realize hi or asking for directions is like no big deal at all,
then it becomes easier and easier and easier.
And I have noticed that there is a gap
from like asking for directions to saying, "Hey, I just want to meet you."
So what I found also that works really
well is telling them, "Hey, go up to her and tell her to ask her
for directions, ask her where Starbucks is" and then when, you know,
most people are going to give you a pretty positive reaction to that,
they're not going to just be like, "I don't know, get lost."
So once you get, you know,
a decent reaction, then just say, "Actually, I'm not even looking for that.
I wanted to just say hi."
So Trip, I love the content.
This is really great stuff.
Where can guys learn more about you or connect with you to work with you?
Yeah, well, if you're listening to this
on the podcast, you can check out my podcast called "How
to Talk to Girls" which is on iTunes and Stitcher
and SoundCloud and everywhere the podcasts are hosted.
So you can check that out if you want to hear some of more of my content.
If you're just kind of ready to dive
in and you want to learn more of my material from me,
you can always check out coaching, go to CoachedByTripp.Com.
Or if you're just like,
I just want to learn more, but not necessarily do coaching yet.
Just go to TrippAdvise.com, and everything is there and links
to my podcast, my YouTube channel and anything that you need.
So there you go.
Matt: I will put all the links down below in the description.
Thanks so much, Tripp. It's been an honor.
It was a pleasure, really enjoyed having you.