Hey there it's clay with modern love.life. And in this video, we're going to be talking
about six signs that your ex regrets losing you. I think a lot of times people do want
to have their ex regret losing them because obviously it means that their ex cares. Obviously
it means that their ex um, you know, may in some ways, want to get back together. But
many times it's also driven by this competitive desire that a lot of people have after a breakup,
um, with their ex you know, it's like, which one of us seems like we got the better deal
here, which one of us is going to move on faster, which one of us is going to be worse
off without the other one and all that sort of stuff. I don't really agree with this whole
competitive thing. Um, I think that it's not really very healthy, but if your ex is wanting
to get back together with you, chances are good.
They're going to actually regret, uh, losing you at some point. So, you know, like what
are some things that you can look out for? Let's go ahead and get into that here. So
the first one is that their life seems to be worse off now than it was when the two
of you were together. And of course being worse off is subjective. What someone sees
as worse off might be what someone sees is better off what someone sees as better off
might be what someone else sees is worse off, but, uh, you know, them, you know, their personality
and you know what, probably they, they, they enjoyed what would be a win, what would be
a loss for them and all that sort of stuff. Just take an objective, look at their life
right now. Imagine you're them living the life that they're living right now. Do you
think they're better off, do you think they're worse off now? Again, don't look at it through
this lens of like Facebook and all that stuff, because of course, social media, that's just
very curated content. That's a very curated view of what other people want us to see of
their lives. You know, it doesn't show us, you know, those moments of doubt, those moments.
When we cry ourselves to sleep at night, we don't, we don't generally parade those out
in front of all of our friends and family on social media to see
It's just like, oh, Hey, look at me here. I am on my vacation and look at me. Oh yeah,
I'm having this amazing latte this morning or all that sort of stuff
From what you can, yeah. I actually tell about their life. Does it seem like they're worse
off or better off a sign? Number two, is, are they actually living into their values,
uh, kind of building off of that. You probably know them and their personality and what's
important to them about life. Are they living into their values right now? If they aren't
then, um, chances are they're, they're actually probably doing pretty well. If they're not
living into their values, if they're doing certain things that are uncharacteristic of
them in a negative sort of way, probably implies that they regret this in some way. You know,
one thing that we sometimes see is like, okay, someone breaks up with someone else. And now
suddenly they're like not doing the things that they really care about in life. They're
just like partying and doing drugs and stuff like that.
Drinking a lot, all that sort of stuff that is obviously most likely living out of your
values because, uh, most people don't aspire to be, you know, just going through life in
a daze. So are they living into their values or not? If they're not living into their values,
chances are they probably regret, uh, the relationship for some, for some reason or
in some way. Um, are they, uh, are you living into your values? Second of all, um, a lot
of this, you know, up till now has been about them, but of course you have cars are a major
factor in whether or not they're going to regret getting, uh, breaking up with you or
whether or not they're going to look at you and say like, wow, I really missed the boat
on that one. And if you're living into your own values, then that is a good sign that,
Hey, they probably regret this in some way, you know, the more you live into your own
values, the more you are going for what is important to you in life, the more interesting,
the more attractive you're probably going to be perceived to other people.
And so it is important that you actually do this, you know, nobody wants to be with someone
who's just sort of blobbing around on the couch or watching TV or playing video games
all day. So let's go ahead and bring ourselves into alignment with what it is. That's actually
important to us about life and make a difference out there. Yeah, I know we're all still picking
ourselves up after a crazy year and a half of life and pandemics and all that stuff,
but, uh, still you can find something to do that allows you to live into whatever your
values are. Um, and if you do this, this is going to make you a measurably more interesting,
attractive, and desirable to not just your ex, but really to anyone. The fourth thing
is, are you putting effort into succeeding in what you want in life? Of course your values
are one thing, but like, how is that expressed in your life?
Is that maybe, um, your career is that maybe certain aspects of your life that, that are
important to you such as maybe like buying a home, getting healthy, making friends, whatever
it might be. Are you putting effort into that to truly thrive and succeed in your life again,
if you are. And if you're, if you're making tangible concrete steps towards that, then
like, Hey, awesome. You're, you're, you're kicking in life. You're making a serious dent
in the world here. And that's awesome. Again, one of the main qualities, one of the main
common denominators of attractive people is that they're going somewhere in life. So are
you going somewhere in life? If not, what could you be doing to find your values, bring
yourself into alignment with those and live into them. Full force thing. Number five,
here are you behaving like an adult. If you're behaving in a very petty sort of way after
a breakup, your ex is probably going to look back at that and say, wow, you're kind of
acting like a petulant child here.
I really dodged the bullet on that, that that's not going to cause them to regret losing you.
If you're behaving that way. On the other hand, if you're behaving in a totally reasonable,
rational way where you're just compassionately listening to them, doing a lot of the things
that we've talked about before, you know, reluctantly going along, uh, taking the curious
stance, um, doing your best to communicate clearly doing your best, to get on the same
team and all of that, um, chances are, they're going to look at you and say, Hey, you know,
you're, you're behaving really reasonably here. Maybe things weren't that bad, right?
Because you're not agitating and making the whole situation worse. You're actually behaving
in an adult, compassionate, um, empathic, um, empathetic, is it Impathics or empathetic?
I don't know, whatever. Um, you behaving with empathy. Um, and, uh, you're, you're showing
them that, Hey, I can be a grown adult through all of this.
Okay. And then, um, before we go ahead and get into sign number six, if you like this
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down below letting me know what sorts of videos you'd like to see us make, um, down the road,
sign it number six is that you are giving them the gift of responsibility. So this is
the thing with regret is regret is something that we feel personally responsible for that
we made some sort of choice.
And it was because of the choice that we made that, uh, we're in some sort of situation,
maybe some sort of less than ideal situation. Um, and if your ex is going to regret losing
you, they need to feel some sort of sense of responsibility. Okay. Now it's easy to
point at our partner. It's easy to point at someone else and say, yeah, you know, we're
not in a relationship because you cheated on me because you lied because you're a dirt
bag because you're this way or that way, and that's not taking responsibility. Um, and
so what we want to do is we actually want to give them the gift of responsibility so
that they can look back, uh, potentially and say, you know what? I wonder what it would
have been. Like if I had just gotten over my immaturity and just had a conversation
with you, I wonder what it would have been like if I just said yes and met up that one
time, I wonder what it would have been like if I had just given you a chance, I wonder
what it would have been like if I just replied to that text message or if I just called you
back.
And if you just give them the gift of responsibility, as we've talked about in one of the recent
videos that I did, then that can actually do two things. Number one, it can motivate
them to actually take responsibility for it, which allows them to actually feel empowered
to change it if they want to. But number two, it also allows them to face the potential
regret of saying like, okay, like, is, is, is this how I just want to leave this chapter
of my life here? Do I just want to leave it in this stubborn silence where I'm just not
talking to you where I'm being hardheaded and stubborn person, and I'm just not willing
to get off of whatever I'm caught up on here. Oftentimes people don't want to look back
and think, yeah, we're in this place. It didn't work out because I was stubborn.
I couldn't get over my own issues. I couldn't just give you another chance. And if you let
them actually face that consequence, uh, through one of the strategies we talk about called
one-way spikes, then you give them the gift of responsibility. And that can be a very
powerful motivator for allowing the two of you to clear a path for getting back together
again. Anyway, if you do want to learn more about one way spikes and a lot of the other
communication stuff that we do talk about inside of our communication course called
effortless connection, please feel free to check out modern love.life/edc. That's modern
web.life/ease and effortless C is in connection. There's also a link for it down below in the
description box. But once again, thanks so much. If you liked this video, hit the thumbs
up button, subscribe to the channel, leave a comment down below letting me know what
sort of videos you'd like to see in the future. And with that being said, I'll talk to you
next.