hey guys welcome to let's talk episode four emotions see through your flaws subscribe for
more videos cause i know that you've got so much more to give do you really not see how toxic and
mentally unstable chantel is started off doing some lines then i asked him if he could get molly
like i asked him like can you get only because i wanted to try it because i heard that it makes you
feel you know so he got some of that he got like i think a gram or something and um or was it two
grams he said just swallow it tastes gross so it's a little ball and then um then i said i want more
i want more so stupid so he gave me more i didn't realize you could like od on this [ __ ] you know
so i do not think chantelle is toxic in any sort of way like i thoroughly do not get that vibe from
her we talk outside of youtube and i still have never got that vibe from her she's always been
super sweet to me and i do watch her live streams i don't want all of them i wish i did and she
comes off as a very funny and cute person and then he said that somebody left a pipe at his house
it was like a glass tube with a circle and there was like stuff in it i could see like
leftover [ __ ] i don't know what it was he said it was meth and even as i was doing i
was like why would i do this i can't be the judge if someone's mentally unstable chantelle has been
very honest lately about her mental health and where she's at with her mental health and i just
hate that people like call her mentally unstable and people forget that chantelle's like a person
oh my god you pick yeah yeah they know who did that one trust me
this is a literal person confiding in her audience and i just don't think it's okay
that we call her mentally unstable and that's not up to us to say that shantal is clearly going
through a hard time i think more than anything she needs positivity and she needs people there
that supports her and loves her i just don't think the negativity is gonna help i thoroughly
think that chantel is a really good person and i like her a lot juicy question if destiny didn't
break up with you would you still be with her hell if crystal didn't break up with
you would you still be with her honestly no i definitely wouldn't be with either of them i
mean as i sit here now obviously i can find characteristics or situations where i know
they're not the one for me that i am beyond grateful for all of the past heartbreaks i've
had like all those heartbreaks is what led me to the person that i love today
and it's just like a really great feeling that like i thoroughly am in love with this person and
it's like they feel the exact same way towards me and i don't know if i've ever truly felt that type
of love do you wax or shave your um okay so this is a juicy question uh do i answer this let's just
say let's just say i don't have a lot of hair down there okay i'm moving on someone literally just
told me to sit on the toilet and show y'all that i know how to wipe my butt y'all what like okay
i can't one reach my arm in and bend down and grab me because my stomach is in the way um i know it's
not just because i'm sure it's because literally my stomach is in the way do you agree that having
basically unlimited money has allowed you to end up in the shape that you are most people can't
afford restaurants and food delivery three plus times a day if you hadn't made it on youtube do
you think you'd be healthier so there's two questions going on here and i want to say
yes to the first one 100 i feel like having the money that i have had has made it so much easier
to order take out every single day and pretty much get whatever food i wanted which in return
made me gain weight but do i think that i would be healthier if i never started youtube i honestly
have no idea like i reached 420 pounds at the age of 16 and i had no idea what youtube was then
so youtube definitely is not what made me fat i've literally always been fat
what did i just read someone said if you were a man and hired to be a caregiver and then dated
them would you be out of prison right now what what do you look for romantically when you're in
a relationship what love language do you respond most to affection and words without a doubt like
i want lots of affection and i don't want it to be like forced i want to seriously feel like we
have that chemistry like i love when someone doesn't want to keep their hands off of me i'm
just like being honest because nine times out of ten if you don't wanna keep your hands off of me
i also don't wanna keep my hands off you so and i love to just constantly be told that i'm loved
like i love you or you look beautiful or just like i can't wait to marry you like i'm just very like
i'm cheesy i really am so give me all the cheese do you think you showed the most authentic version
of yourself online the whole christmas tree thing in your last vlog was well prompted it that felt
disingenuous and kind of pre-planned you know what's really funny about that is i thought
literally the same thing because i have never filmed myself going to get my uber eats order
and then the one time i do there's a big-ass christmas tree outside my door if your new
girlfriend really is local then why were you alone the whole thanksgiving weekend she was with her
family for the weekend and i was invited which oh my god that made me feel really good honestly
but due to my size i let's answer your question no i'm actually not my most authentic true self
on camera i think that tends to be kind of hard because i am just like sitting here literally
talking to a device it's like i know there are thousands of people watching me but it's just it's
not the same compared to like if you get to know me as like a person and not just as a youtuber
opinions on health at every size movement honestly i feel like i could make a whole ass video about
this i do not believe in health at every size listen i don't want to be skinny because skinny
isn't always healthy you know people always assume just because you're skinny it means you're healthy
but don't get it twisted i believe in beauty at every size i believe that every single person
no matter what size you are big or small you can be beautiful but i do not believe
that every size is healthy and she was just like you're healthy like she she had my charts in her
hand she was like you're healthy but you are obese what will you do when your channel eventually
stops being put through algorithm are you making any plans slash arrangements for when you can no
longer depend on youtube as your livelihood so being a youtuber i know a lot of other youtubers
feel the same way what i'm saying because i have talked to several youtubers about this i'm just
going to speak for myself you can ask that same question to someone working at mcdonald's like
hey what if this don't work out or a bus driver hey what if this don't work out or even a lawyer
at a certain law firm like what if that company just goes bankrupt or like the company just ends
you clearly ask this to anyone but it seems like as a youtuber i get this question like
constantly but when i was a pca worker or when i did data entry um i worked at a boys and girls
club at one point like i never got the question of so what are you gonna do when this falls through
every job can fall through every career unfortunately can fall through so to the people
asking me that question i could also ask you the same question the job you're currently doing
what's gonna happen if that falls through do you have any b plans i feel like for the most part
when people have a job they kind of put their energy into that job they don't think about oh
my god what if this ends now i gotta figure out where am i gonna put applications to next unless
they're actively wanting to change careers or jobs or whatever it may be but in this circumstance
i'm focusing on youtube i'm not focusing on 10 years down the line or five years down the line
i personally just did not think that i wanted to travel that far so i'm hoping like next year i
can actually do it do you think the removal of youtube dislikes showing on videos will affect
your channel positively negatively or not at all i think it's gonna be a better sweet moment
i know there are a lot of people who like to click on my video just to dislike it which is like such
a power trip it's like almost creepy so it's gonna be nice like these power trips are gonna like
happen less so that's gonna be pretty cool can you give us an update on your relationship with your
mom and brother i always love hearing about this i come from a crazy family it's the truth i come
from drug addicts bipolar people um mentally ill people just i do that is the family i come from
did you honestly think that i was gonna be the only normal one did you um my relationship with
my mom has never been better i literally consider her my best friend like she is the only person
that i have ever in my life have like looked up to as a role model and this only recently
happened within the last couple years like just the woman that she is now versus when i
was a child is astonishing like i almost wish she would write a book like honestly it's just like
her story and her word could be so powerful to so many people out there who have struggled with drug
addiction their location of using drugs was in the bathroom so every time i'd go in there i knew
that when they came out they'd be a different person loaded as [ __ ] excuse my language
completely passed out i could literally think possibly pants and they wouldn't hear me
the woman she is now without a doubt 95 percent of you would look up to her
and her story as for my brother i actually have okay this is confusing don't be scared
girl oh my god this is going to suck what is the birth order of me and my siblings tony you
jonathan james no it's i'm the oldest i'm older than tony what sometimes for some people so i
have three little brothers one of them was in my life my whole life two of them were in
close adoption but one of the two that are in close adoption found us this year or last year
so i also have a relationship with him so out of my three brothers i talked to two of them
and every day i feel like my relationship with them is growing like literally just today all
three of us me and my two brothers we were on video chat together which was honestly amazing
like i love how we find similarities with one another we like all live these like separate
different lives and we share that and we do a lot of laughing and joking and honestly like i would
die if i ever got to see both of them in person at the exact same time i would literally die i
go to someone's house am i going to make their floor crazy am i going to break their furniture
i go somewhere where it revolves a little bit unlocking am i gonna pass out am i gonna die
your personality doesn't seem organic you seem to absorb other people's traits likes and hobbies and
go hard with it until something new comes into your life you appear to change with the tide so
not true and the reason why i know this isn't true is because being friends with eric ricky and becky
even being in a relationship with becky for almost five years like we're complete opposites eric and
ricky's hobbies and likes are completely different from mine if you knew me in real life or knew the
people in my life they would definitely tell you that i'm not a chameleon i stand for my opinions
i stand for my hobbies my likes my dislikes and i wouldn't change that for anybody does being alone
scare you if the answer is no how can you justify your constant relationships are you trying to fill
a void no hate i understand how it feels to be scared to be alone the constant relationships i
think it's all coincidental it just always seems like it works out that way but i do like to share
my life with someone i would prefer to be in a relationship over being single but i don't just
like get into relationships so i don't have to be alone absolutely not i truly don't know if that's
the answer but i think that the cancer thing put me in a weird headspace and you know i got really
depressed like you guys saw this it was like i just kept getting more depressed more closed
off and in return i just ate my feelings but it's like now that i'm in a relationship where
i'm supported in a way that i never have been before and i'm like actually thoroughly happy
like this is what happiness feels like it's like i have no reason to turn to food like i used to
don't get me wrong i have my cheat days and my my weak moments but it's like there's a future
there's a freaking future out there i'm so tired of being trapped in this damn body y'all like i'm
over it like literally over it i get tired doing anything i get tired doing anything even just
sometimes i catch myself even i'm just sitting and i have to take like a really deep breath like
i just got done walking i'm like girl you didn't do anything like i'm gonna use a little bit of a
metaphor here before i started taking this weight loss seriously and before like i realized wow
this is what happiness feels like and that's all i knew no matter where i moved no matter
what i looked at it was just grass and fog like i couldn't see past that and in the last few months
even if it was a person that made me realize that my life is worth it my life is worth to be fixed
and that's for the lack of a better word
it's like the fog slowly started leaving the grass slowly started getting shorter and i
was able to see over the grass step over it i don't have to worry about the fog anymore
now i could see a city i could see sunsets like the fog i'm sorry the fog got lifted and
i just i see more than what i've ever seen before and i'm just tired of being trapped in a body of
someone i'm not when there's so much i want to do in the future and the biggest thing for me is like
i don't want to die young this is really really sad but like i've never wanted to live this
much in my whole life moving on have you forgiven your mother for the childhood she put you through
yes i have and we've cried about it she's apologized to me
like we've talked about it so crazy that cancer like my cancer diagnosis like brought us together
it's almost like bittersweet to be honest like what pushed you to finally take your weight gain
slash loss seriously why now and not after the whole cancer ordeal whether you're a food addict
drug addict alcoholic you only will change what you actually want to change
honestly me getting diagnosed with cancer like i was losing weight around that time as you
guys know so i thought i was doing the thing i was like oh my god i'm losing weight i'm like
bettering myself especially for surgery because i had to get the full hysterectomy so i thought
i was doing the damn thing but then after i had the hysterectomy i gained almost like what was it
90 pounds i'm probably off a little bit who's your favorite amberlynn reed reactor and who's
your least favorite least favorite super easy charlie gold and if i have to explain why
then i just ain't got the time i ain't got the time and my favorite used to be alex shook
until in one of his recent videos he said that he hates that he was associated with me
in one of my recent let's talk videos so you know what i just don't talk about him anymore like
he associates his channel with me like his whole channel is of me
and then i say one thing about him and he he just didn't like it and i was just like
i don't know it's just like it just made me sad because i genuinely liked him but i'm still gonna
consider him my favorite but the last question is why won't you change your intro to outro
it's because i love it i love it so much like trying again that song just like resonates with
me because i feel like i'm constantly just trying every single day i wake up and i try again i try
again and that goes for every aspect of my life honestly all right you guys i'm gonna go now i
hope that you enjoy and i'll see my next one bye i just feel like i'm finally able to find myself
when i have been so trapped like i just literally feel like i've been so trapped
it's almost like i found the key to the cage and i'm letting myself out the person who i
was eight years ago isn't going to be the same as i am now and sometimes like the person who i was
even three months ago is going to be different because you grow you change you experience new
things learn new things and what i love about life is like you're constantly discovering yourself
you