Let's start things off with the
Anacostia Riverwalk Trail in southeast,
where the Washington Post reports
the male Turkey that was attacking
people along the trail has now
disappeared without a trace,
his thug Turkey on the run.
Somebody must have told him you
need to chill out or or maybe.
This is what the Turkey wants us to believe,
so we let our guards down before
the next strike, which by the way
is a brilliant tactical strategy.
I think the real reason is Turkey made in
season has been going on for a while now,
so thug Turkey probably taking
care of any pent up once in needs
any pent up aggression that had
him lashing out at people.
I'm just saying,
love conquers all love conquers all
and I hope though Turkey is OK,
I hope he's over his.
Anger issues maybe.
Maybe though Turkey found a good
therapist sometimes that's all it takes.
He is a lover, not a fighter now.
I chose this next story from Stafford
County where police got a tip that a
man with active warrants named Troy
Longwell was at a shopping complex
and he would run and hide if pursued,
which is exactly what police say he did.
Officers say they found Longwell shirtless
and out of breath after crawling
through the ceiling to the church.
Next door and arrested him during service.
Wow that must have that.
Must have felt like a miracle they did not.
I was looking for a sign and
somebody got arrested.
By the way.
He definitely looks like he's climbed
into building air vents before and.
Maybe some apartment windows and
maybe a few parked cars.
Imagine him climbing through the
vents like Bruce Willis and die
hard like come out to the coast.
We'll get together, have a few laughs.
Hey Troy, tried to give his life to God.
And God gave it right back.
It was like serve your time, my child.
But I need to know who snitched on Troy,
who snitched on Troy.
OK they gave up his location and told
police how he was going to try and get away.
This was either somebody he
owes money to or a woman he did.
Dirty. Actually maybe maybe both.
Maybe he owes the woman money
and did her dirty that way.
On the bright side,
he is now qualified to lead
the prison prayer circle.
I chose this next story because
it's uplifting.
And weird and anonymous bidder
is paying a record $19 million.
Good luck. That's a lot of buddy.
What do you get for 19 million?
How about private lunch with billionaire
Warren Buffett at a New York City steakhouse?
Thanks to an eBay auction raising money
for the San Francisco based Charity Glide,
which helps homeless people
and those in poverty.
Now that's steakhouse.
Better be good.
I mean,
for $19 million bro and it better
be buffet style too.
Don't don't tell me I got no,
no, no, no no. You get mean I'm staying
there for days for 19 million more.
I'm staying there so I'm a coma
for 19 million. More importantly,
I hope Warren Buffett is a good dinner guest.
Cause what if somebody bid 19 million?
He just sat there and played
on his phone the whole time.
That means the winner spent all that money
to watch a 91 year old man play Candy Crush,
which will take all day. By the way,
I am all for this because that money,
by the way, is benefiting a great cause.
And besides, whoever has 19
million to throw around.
Dinner doesn't need financial advice,
even if it's coming from Warren Buffett,
this person has life figured out
and is not looking for a new mentor.
But I do hope that the winning bid
just didn't come from Dan Snyder.
Any other rich person but him. Please.
Finally, I chose this last story.
Cause I've got questions all around.
Velveeta, yes,
that Velveeta has teamed up with a
British beauty brand called Nails Inc.
To release a limited edition set of
two cheese scented nail polishes.
Yes cheese,
scented nails literally nobody asked for
this like we say nobody asked for this a lot,
but literally nobody asked for this.
Like if any of you guys
did show yourselves please.
Please,
I have so many questions.
Cheese is not a thing to just
randomly smell like and how did
cheese just **** in front of Old Bay?
Y'all know this is Old Bayes mashup time.
That's right, baby,
tell me you from Maryland without
telling me you from Maryland.
That's right,
Old Bay Cologne and checked the
neck right there. Check the neck.
Yeah, shrimp don't got nothing on me.
This is Velveeta that we're talking about.
The FDA doesn't even consider
that cheese they call.
Alvita a processed cheese product,
so these nails are gonna smell like
cheese sauce or cheese powder ain't
nothing appealing about none of that.
Don't put that stuff on your toenails.
People gonna think you got a hygiene problem.
Corporations are clearly running
out of ideas for mashups,
and I also feel bad for the scientists
and chemists who are tasked with
creating things like cheese scented
nail Polish cause you know they went
to school with big dreams thinking
they were going to invent something
that was going to save lives.
Now here they are creating smelly
$15 novelty cosmetics now.
I won't tell you all not to buy this
because I don't wanna scare away any
sponsors even if they make cheese
products and also the more y'all that buy,
the more jokes that I will
continue to have about this.
I will say that when you put
this stuff on and some dog
starts licking your fingers.
Now you know why my favorite story come on,
you know it's gotta be thug Turkey
finally ending his reign of terror and
laying low and potentially maybe even
found love to do it.
It is a redemption story for
the ages and someday maybe they
make a story about this Turkey's
journey from peaceful warrior,
from from from Warrior King
rather to peaceful nomad,
although I wouldn't put the warrior past him,
he probably still got a little thug in him.
He probably more like a peaceful
warrior at this point in time. It's.