I look back at pictures of how I used to be and how I used to look and it's almost as if
I can't even remember who that person was.
I think I was trying to find myself but I wasn't giving it a conscious thought,
and so I was truly lost for 19 years.
The bullying at school made me feel isolated,
it made me feel alone, and it made me feel literally
like an alien that came from another planet.
I was getting teased for it in so many ridiculous ways and I didn't understand
why this was so.
And so I'd be called everything from "terrorist" to "paki".
You know when I cut my hair I thought I was liberated in a sense, and I felt
I was one of them, I felt I was part of the popular kids in school.
Yes, when I cut my hair definitely I felt complete. Complete in the sense of
fitting in with everyone else.
At first I did feel like I did lose something, but when I got into class and school and I started
getting into everything and the swing of things, I felt complete, I was more
happier at that time.
A lot of people actually, women in our own faith and background say things such as:
"I don't date sardars" which is a term that they use to call people who wear a turban.
When I cut my hair in grade five that was one of the factors as well, I think I remember
at the time as a kid thinking maybe this will lead to looking more handsome in a way.
Because I would see this a lot, this image, and people gelling their hair.
And that gel was so firm when you touched my hair it felt like you
could bleed and cut yourself.
And I thought that was cool, I thought that was what girls liked.
In my time I used to put oil, mustard oil, awesome man, I felt so cool.
Slicked back, slick Rick.
If you were to ask me the one reason why he decided to grow his hair back
and find himself and his religion then I would say it's the drinking.
I remember sometimes crashing at a friends place and you know
the morning of 11am, I wake up and crack open another beer and get the party started
11 in the morning the next day.
Parents are like : " What's wrong with you guys don't you feel ashamed?
Like drinking at 11 in the morning, most people are drinking coffees right now
and you guys are having beer?" I'm like: "Ey get the party started early."
The difference between Jesse, the Jesse that I know is
he was a reckless guy, a troublemaker,
hanging out with his buddies, up to no good.
Just a guy, he wasn't really thinking about the future, now I find that Jaskanwal
is someone who is more focused on being himself, a better version of himself,
self development, being a better son, a better friend, a better community member
giving back to the kids, teaching and mentoring them, being a role model.
It's as if I can't even remember who that person was, Jesse to me was someone that,
it wasn't someone the real me wanted to be.
Monster, it was like a monster.
I'm called like a potato head, a terrorist,
and stuff that like refers insults towards my turban.
When I see kids tell me what they've been called at school
for wearing a turban, it really saddens me and I truly understand what they go through
because obviously it happened to me.
And so a part of me feels as if I step back into who I was as a kid.
There are some kids who are defiant in wearing their turbans and won't let that
bullying get to them and I feel so proud of those kids and I'm happy that they know
their roots in the ways that I didn't get to know mine.
I'm just the happiest I've ever been, I feel at peace, I feel in bliss really.
Each day I feel stronger and stronger mentally and even physically, I just feel like a better
person. I feel like myself again, I feel as if I'm connecting with my roots
and I feel like I've grasped what my life is truly about.