Now, I'm sure that you've noticed--
oh, I hope that you noticed-- that I'm all dressed up tonight,
because tonight is our final show of 2016,
and also, because I scheduled
my annual
(laughter)
By the way, don't forget, if you're attending,
the password is... (speaking foreign language)
-(laughter) -Yes.
And that's a capital "O." Please don't forget.
Now here at
we have an annual tradition
of looking back at the year that was.
And 2016 is a year that'll stay with us forever.
-Like herpes. -(laughter)
This is the year that
and
(laughter)
You realize if Harambe had lived,
-he would have killed himself. -(laughter)
But let's be honest. 2016 wasn't the worst year.
It was only bad for
If we're honest about it, it was bad for some people, you know.
Like, if you were black, then this was a bad year for you.
But for everyone else...
Okay, and if you are Muslim,
it was a bad year for you, as well, but for...
And if you are a woman, I can admit, pretty bad.
And if you were from the transgender community,
then, as well. You, as well.
Refugees and immigrants, pretty much every...
-But not everyone, but everyone. -(laughter)
Uh, other than that, everyone had a... had a good year.
Oh, and polar bears.
Polar bears and animals in general-- really bad year.
-So, yeah, good year all around. -(laughter)
And tonight with the help of the whole
we celebrate the end, and the
To kick things off, please welcome Desi Lydic, everybody!
(cheers and applause)
Trevor... Trevor, you're right.
2016 was the stinky end of a baboon's ass.
And if there's one thing it will be remembered for,
it was the year of the breakup.
And we can't talk about breakups without mentioning the big one--
when two world powers abandoned all diplomatic efforts
and declared an end to their partnership.
What the hell, Brangelina?!
-Talk about a bombshell! -(laughter)
Although, to be fair, we suspected there was trouble
-when they adopted a lawyer from Burbank. -(laughter)
Moving on.
This was probably the ugliest breakup of the year,
when America decided to split from decency.
(laughter)
Yeah, I thought those two were going to last,
but then a smooth-talking, copper-plated gargoyle
showed up, and America just lost it.
Hail Trump! Hail our people!
Hail victory!
(cheers and applause)
Hey, Trump! Trump all the way!
'Cause black lives don't matter. There ain't no proof.
Donald Trump is your president, every goddamn one of youse.
If you don't like it, too bad.
Yeah, and that video didn't even show the worst part.
That guy brought a tuna sandwich on the plane.
-(laughter) -Like I said, no decency.
But you can argue that the breakup
that started it all was Brexit,
which sounds a lot less like a geopolitical catastrophe
and more like a gluten-free toddler in Brooklyn.
(laughter)
"Brexit, what did I say about focaccia?
That's your sister. You be nice to her."
By the way, "Brexit" is a pretty dignified name
for such an embarrassing event.
I mean, why don't I get that?
Why don't the newspapers call it "Des Parcher,"
instead of "Local Woman Kicked Out of Wine Bar."
(laughter)
Also, I wasn't selling drugs, okay?
-I was trading them for their cash. -(laughter)
Trevor.
-You need help, Desi. -(laughter)
For more news, we turn to Hasan Minhaj, everybody.
-Hasan... Minhaj! -(cheers and applause)
-Yeah! -Hasan, man what...?
What were your thoughts on the year we call 2016?
2016 was awesome, man!
Here are my three biggest 2016 headlines.
Coming in at number three...
Could you believe Hillary Clinton sold weapons to ISIS?
How did she manage to send bombs to ISIS
and bomb her own campaign here at home?
Boom. Give it to me.
-Up top, right? Yup. -(laughter)
-Hasan, that story wasn't real. -Totally.
-It was
But not as unreal as my number two story
when reporters dug up an old quote where Donald Trump said,
and I quote, "If I were to run, I'd run as a Republican.
They're the dumbest group of voters in the country."
Hasan, Hasan, Hasan, I'm gonna cut you off right there.
That news story is also false, man.
I don't think your sources are credible.
-They are
Especially my number one story of 2016--
Pope Francis himself endorsing Donald Trump.
All of those news stories are completely fake.
You're talking about fake news, man.
Oh, yeah, all this stuff is made up.
These stories are faker than my Air Gordons.
-(laughter) -And sure, they melt when it rains,
but no one cares, just like no one cares
about whether the news is real or fake.
Look at Facebook. Just before the election,
the top-five fake news stories were more popular
than the top-five real news stories.
Yeah, but, Hasan, I don't understand.
If fake news is everywhere now, then how do we fight back?
Fight back? Embrace it, Trevor.
Come January, Donald Trump is gonna be our president.
The next four years are gonna be so (bleep) up,
we're going to be begging for fake news.
(l
(applause)
(cheering, whistling)
You make a good point.
-You make a good point. -Because the
the
Hasan Minhaj, everybody.
You make a good point, my friend. Thank you so much.
-(cheering, applause) -Thank you so much.
For the year in sports, let's turn to Roy Wood Jr., everybody.
-Roy Wood Jr. in the house! -(cheering, applause)
-What's up, Roy? -What's up, man?
Trevor, this is the year
that everything was political, and sports was no exception.
Let's start with Colin Kaepernick.
This dude put his ass on the line for civil rights,
and he was so good at it.
Like, most of us just to get notice to a cause,
we have to take to the streets or block traffic
or join a group text and learn a chant.
Kaepernick just refused to stand.
That's brilliant. That's a game changer.
Look, look, look. I'm protesting right now.
(laughter)
What are you protesting, Roy?
The-the... black (bleep). I'm fed up.
(laughter)
But it wasn't just Kaepernick.
Even the Super Bowl halftime show got political.
Beyoncé reminded y'all she was black,
and some of y'all couldn't handle it.
Hell, they were so shell-shocked,
they had to call in some emergency whiteness
to offset Beyoncé's blackness.
242, uh, bring in the Coldplay. Emergency Coldplay.
-(laughter) -718.
This is not a drill.
Next time Bruno Mars does the Super Bowl,
I can guarantee you, man, if he gets too black,
they're gonna hit a button, Mitt Romney gonna pop out
of the floor with a tambourine.
Yeah, but, Roy, but, Roy, all right,
you can't tell me that every single sports story
was political this year.
Oh, really?
Even my team, Trevor-- the Cubs, Trevor.
Nate Silver said they had the same chance of winning as Trump.
Then the Cubs won, and I couldn't even enjoy myself,
'cause all I was thinking about was, "Yay! The Cubs... Oh, God,
Trump's the president."
Look, I get that politics and sports
are never gonna be totally separate,
but if it's gonna be in my sport,
then it's got to be in all the sports.
When Michael Phelps gets in the pool,
I want to see him doing the black-stroke.
I don't know what that is, but... sounds right.
Tennis players-- look at tennis.
All they do is yell, anyway. You may as well say something
and make it count.
(imitates woman): Stop-and-frisk!
Electoral college!
Bring back the McRib!
Whoa-whoa-whoa. Why is the McRib political?
Trevor, pork is a very divisive meat.
I don't even... Roy Wood Jr., everybody.
-Roy Wood Jr. -(cheering, applause)
I don't even know... I don't know why the McRib,
Roy, has to come into it.
Now... 2016 was another banner year for the Internet.
Unfortunately, that banner usually said,
(Russian accent): "You've been hacked, comrade."
But to look back at some of the biggest social media trends
of 2016, we turned to our senior social media correspondent,
Ronny Chieng, everybody!
-Thanks, Trevor. Thanks, Trevor. -What's up, Ronny?
-(cheering) -Thank you.
Thanks, Trevor.
2016 was the year of the stupid Internet challenge.
Let's start with the biggest one-- the Mannequin Challenge.
Yeah, the challenge of not moving
while someone takes a video of you.
Congratulations, idiots, you just invented the photograph.
(laughter)
♪ ♪
How did this lazy-ass flash mob start?
Was it like, "Hey, guys, hey, guys,
"let's find a way for people with no talent
"to get famous on the Internet, okay?
Trust me, you don't have to move for this one."
That's how (bleep) this year was.
Standing still for ten seconds without crying
is now an official challenge.
The worst part? This mannequin crap
wasn't even the dumbest challenge of the year.
Oh, no. That award goes to the Backpack Challenge.
(girl yells)
BOY: Damn!
(laughing)
Kids walking down hallways
having backpacks thrown at their heads?
That's not a challenge, that's high school, all right?
Yeah, it happened to me every day.
-I didn't train once. -(laughter)
And finally, the viral Internet phenomenon
that is the Water Bottle Challenge.
Oh, I got it!
(shouting, cheering)
That last video was from a high school talent show.
-(laughter) -I know. Look at the reaction.
Every dance troupe there must have been like,
"What the (bleep)? I've been training for a year!"
By the way, you know where that talent show did
Flint, Michigan.
-(laughter, groans) -Exactly. Yeah.
'Cause right now Flint is like, "Hey, how about flipping
"some of those bottles this way.
"Yeah, because here, every day is a Water Bottle Challenge,
you flipping (bleep)!"
(applause)
(audience whooping)
No!
In fact... in fact, from now on, there is only one person
who is allowed to do any challenge.
And I don't know his name, but he's from Brazil.
♪ ♪
(laughs)
-(laughter, applause) -Yeah. That's right.
See? That's viral.
That's viral. But the rest of you,
enough with these easy attention-seeking
-Internet challenges, please! -No, Ronny, no, Ronny,
I'm sorry, I feel like you're hating, man.
The Water Bottle Challenge is real. That's har...
It's not easy. Here, I'll give you a bottle.
Here. I've got a bottle of water here.
You try to do it. It's not easy.
-What, are you challenging me right now? -I'm challenging you
-to do the Water Bottle Challenge. -Oh, yeah,
-I'll do it, yeah. -Do it, come on. -(cheering, applause)
-Do the Water Bottle Challenge, Ronny. -Oh. Oh.
-Do it! -Look at me! Look how hard this is.
Oh, my God, am I gonna be a Internet superstar
-if I nail this? Oh, my God. -Do it, let's see, do it.
Oh, oh, it's a Water Bottle Challenge. Whoa!
-Oh. -There, you see? You see? -(audience groans)
Wait, let me... give me one more cha...
-one more-one more try. -It's a lot harder than it seems.
Okay, stop-stop giving me pressure. Okay, one sec.
-Boom! Yeah! That's right! -(cheering, applause)
Were you filming that? Did you film that?
Post that (bleep) right now, we're going viral! Yeah!
Yeah!