- So what can you do when there's that guy
at the gym or that guy at work
or that acquaintance that you know that you're flirting,
you feel the chemistry, like you're attracted to him.
You think he might be attracted to you
but he's not making a move.
Besides just waiting and hanging back
and just burning time waiting for him to be proactive,
what can you do to really find out
if there's potential there to find out if he likes you?
This question came up recently with one
of my clients and she said,
"What can I do Mat? I don't wanna be passive."
And so I gave her four tips that I wanna share with you,
these four powerful steps that you can take
in sequential order.
So let's dive into 'em right now.
Step number one is find out.
So you want to find out if he's got a girlfriend.
You'll know if he's married
he'll be wearing a wedding ring if he's, you know, any good.
And the guys who's not wearing their wedding ring,
actually sometimes you don't even know.
Another friend of mine was attracted to this guy.
She was like flirting with him doing all this stuff
and then she like had a serious conversation with him
about his life and he started talking about his wife
and all these things that were going on and she was like,
"Why aren't you wearing a wedding ring?"
And he's like, "Oh, my wedding ring doesn't fit anymore."
So you never know.
He might be married, he might have a girlfriend.
So this is why you want to find out.
So the question becomes, how do you find
out in a really natural way that's not awkward
if he's dating somebody, he has a girlfriend or is married.
Well here's what you can do.
When you're talking to him, ask him about this last weekend.
You'd be like, "Hey, what'd you do this last weekend?"
Did you go out with your girlfriend or hang out?"
And you drop that in and he'll be like,
"Oh no, I don't have a girlfriend" or this and that.
And you're like, oh my gosh.
And this is a perfect segue into step number two
which I'll tell you about in just a moment.
But when you just assume that he does,
assume he's partnered up and ask him about it
it's an undeniable way for he'll either confirm,
"Oh yeah, my girlfriend and I, we went to the movies,"
or "No, I don't have a girlfriend.
I was just hanging out with my friends."
Step number two is obviously flirt with him.
And this is where you've gotta have some guts, right?
This is where one of you is gonna have to kind of
lean into the domain of,
"Hey I'm feeling some attraction here."
And make it obvious.
Otherwise, you'll end up in the friend zone all the time.
One of you has got to give the other a big green light.
And if he's not doing it, then the opportunity is all yours.
'Cause you gotta remember, men are afraid of rejection too.
Men are petrified of like reaching out and
especially if the two of you are acquaintances, right?
And maybe you guys go rock climbing together
and he doesn't want to be the one to make it weird now,
every time you're gonna see him
because he hit on you at the rock climbing gym.
So if you are interested,
give him a big green light to let him approach you
or ask you out because that way you're gonna
reduce any fears that he has that,
"Oh, this is gonna be awkward."
And so you do that by flirting with him.
So if you ask him if he has a girlfriend
and he says no, then it's an easy flirt to say,
"Oh my gosh, like you're so attractive.
I just assumed that you had a girlfriend."
And so you're letting him know in that moment
that you find him attractive. Other more subtle ways
but still green enough, big green light ways to let him know
that you find him attractive is compliment him
on something he's wearing.
Like, "Oh my gosh, that jacket looks really good on you."
Or "Oh my gosh, those pants are are really hot."
Or whatever it is that he's wearing
you can compliment his clothes, let him know
that you find them attractive or it looks really good.
And that's the beginnings of you flirting
with him and being a little bit more
than friends kind of opening that door.
So step number one is to find out if he's already taken.
Step number two is to flirt with him.
And step number three, after you flirting
sometimes that's all it will take.
And he'll will float an invite to you and he'll say,
"Hey we should go do something or we should go hang out."
Step number three here, if he hasn't asked you out yet,
is to float an invite for him for a group activity.
So you might be thinking, well, what kind of group activity?
Well, you gotta plan one.
You're gonna have to plan something with a group
of friends and say, maybe you guys all go for a hike.
Maybe you'll go for bowling.
Maybe you guys are all gonna go out for drinks
or go to this specific museum.
Whatever you're gonna do, it doesn't really matter.
Just make it something fun for you.
So whether he shows up or not, you're still
enjoying that time with your friends in that activity.
But you set up something and say,
"Hey my friends and I, we're all getting ready.
We're all gonna do this bowling school,
Cosmo bowling night that's happening. You should come."
And so you invite him
into this group activity that you're doing.
It's not overtly a date.
Every one of these moves, you can totally spin it
and be grounded in the feminine
if you want to be the one coming from the feminine.
But being proactive,
being feminine doesn't mean you're not proactive.
Okay? So you float the invite
to the group date and then when he shows up to the date,
this brings you to step number four
which is to focus on him.
And what that means is when he gets there, at some point
in that activity, you pull him to the side and say,
"Hey, can I talk to you alone for just a minute?"
And you pull him to the side and you say,
"Hey, I really appreciate you coming here.
I kinda wanted to get some space from the group
'cause I just want to get to know you better.
Like I'm really intrigued by you
you're really interesting to me.
Tell me about you."
And you guys start talking.
That puts the big spotlight letting him know that wow,
you are paying extra attention to him.
One of the big reasons guys don't ask someone
out for date is 'cause they're uncertain.
Does she like me? Does she not like me?
Like she's smiling and she's looking at me
but I don't know and I'm in her world on this date.
Like, if this doesn't go well
I don't want to be the jackass that gets rejected.
You'd be surprised how obvious,
if you want him to ask you out,
how obvious you have to make it
for him to feel fully comfortable asking you out.
So I know it takes guts.
It means you've gotta be the one to be proactive.
And in some cases you've gotta put yourself
really out there.
And if it turns out that he's just friends, then guess what?
You are not going to your deathbed with regrets.
There's nothing worse than letting an opportunity
pass you by and thinking like,
"God if I had just said what I meant to say,
if I had just opened my heart more
if I just let him know things could have been different."
Pain weighs ounces, regret weighs tons.
And so take these four steps 'cause these four
steps pave the way for a beautiful connection.
If it's meant to be.
And if not, it accelerates you forward so you
don't burn time on a guy who is never gonna say yes anyway.
When one of my coaching clients came through,
she learned these four tips,
she had been in her mind having this romantic
connection with this guy for eight months,
not dating anyone else 'cause she wanted to hold
the possibility with this guy.
She did these four steps.
She found out, oh this guy was actually engaged
to be married like in a couple months.
She had never talked to him on that level and knew that.
And she was like,
"Okay. So he's taken, he just represents the kind
of guy that I want."
She was able to fully release him.
That action propelled her into this momentum
in her love life.
The very next month, boom. Found her guy.
Who would've known how long it would've taken.
I mean, maybe she would've seen the wedding pictures
in a couple of months, but she burned all that time.
So here are four surefire ways to help you create momentum
and really discover if this guy likes you.
So my question for you is
what have you found really works
to find out if a guy likes you?
Go ahead and post those ideas or those strategies below.
It's gonna be super helpful for everyone watching this video
and know this, I appreciate you.
Here's to your incredible love life.
Thanks for watching. I'll see you soon.
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