- Hi, this is Ikea.
Hi Ikea, I need help putting together my chair.
What's it called?
It's called...
Um.
Sir, I can't help you unless I know what the item is.
Uh sure, it's the Jar Filet.
I'm afraid we have no products called a Jar Filet.
How about the Jarfa Vajilet?
Sir, I don't understand what you're trying to say.
The Jarvus Jenkins.
Sir, I cannot help you
unless you can perfectly pronounce the name of the item
that you need help with.
I'm sorry, I didn't know I needed to learn Swedish
before trying to put together my Jar Jar Jilly Philly
Gettin' Jiggy With It.
Assembling this furniture is like doing a DIY project
designed by a drunk person who hates you
and wishes you were dead.
Oh, boy.
Well, as Ringo said,
I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.
Avengers, assemble!
What?
How did I get here?
I said assemble!
Assemble that pretty please.
You did all that for that?
As a busy professional,
I ain't got time to put this stuff together, okay?
So I'm expecting my nephew here any minute now,
and he's gonna assemble this desk for me.
I'm paying him a dollar.
He's seven years old.
All right, there we go.
Oh, man.
Must've had a few screws loose.
And the bookshelf too.
Timmy, let me ask you something.
Do you think that the fine people at Ikea designed this desk
to be lopsided?
Because unless you know something I don't know,
and our office is moving to the top floor
of the leaning tower of Pisa,
this ain't gonna cut it.
Wow, putting together this bookshelf was really tough.
I can understand why this could put a strain
on your relationship
if you put this together with your significant other.
Luckily for me, it's just me, right?
Although, I gotta say,
I'm really getting on my nerves right about now.
Okay, I bought way too much stuff,
and I don't even know where to start.
Heck, who am I kidding?
I know exactly where to start.
It was a clutch move stocking up on Swedish meatballs,
so I can buy some time while eating my feelings.
Well, after spending 12 hours building this cat tree,
I find that Mr. Perkins prefers
to just sleep in the cardboard box it came in.
(cat meows)
Anyway, now to build my bed frame.
Or maybe I'd just prefer
to sleep in the box that came in too.
What if the guy who had invented the Allen wrench
had been named Larry?
Then in order to put together my bookshelf,
I would need a Larry wrench.
You can tell he invented it because it's L for Larry.
Right now it might look like
a bunch of random pieces of wood and screws,
but in three hours, 600 F-bombs, eight beers,
and possibly one divorce later,
it'll be a couch.
I hope.
Ikea furniture is like a metaphor for life.
You start out with a bunch of pieces,
and have no idea what you're doing,
but eventually you get the hang of it,
and end up with something that isn't actually correct,
but you can probably duct tape it together enough
that it won't fall apart for at least six months,
before starting all over again.
I really don't get why people grumble and groan so much
about putting together stuff from Ikea.
I mean, it's pretty intuitive.
I put it together.
I didn't even look at the instructions,
and I had like 20 screws left over.
Great, according to the instructions,
I'm not supposed to put this together by myself.
Well, that's just rude.
What am I supposed to do,
rope my imaginary friends into helping me?
Come on.
I mean, have you ever seen Mr. Cuddlebutt with a hammer?
He's hopeless.
All right, well I guess this sofa isn't gonna build itself.
(sighs) This is gonna be
the second most difficult thing I've ever done,
after getting out of the maze
that is an Ikea store, of course.
I can see it now,
lost in that infinite labyrinth of unpronounceable names,
a rat in a cage that smells vaguely of lingonberry sauce.
Are you okay?
Oh, yeah, I'm good.
Who doesn't love Ikea? (laughs)
Right, well you were dissociating
for a good 10 minutes there,
so I took the liberty
of putting your stuff together for you.
Anyway, I'm at my limit for socializing for the day,
so I'll see you again next time you need some help
putting together furniture.
Maybe.
Phew.
That was a close one.
Guys, what are you even doing?
I should've just done this by myself.
What did you expect?
I'm imaginary.
♪ They say a stranger's come to town ♪
♪ They call him Mr. Frank James ♪