some people don't want you to heal from your childhood trauma you probably noticed this while
there are all kinds of great people out there working for solutions and supporting people who
want to recover from the effects of abuse and neglect there are a lot right in our midst who
want you who think they need you to stay damaged and to stay a victim forever i'm anna runkle also
known as the crappy childhood fairy and in this video i want to help you armor yourself
against discouragers naysayers and slayers who see your progress or learn about your efforts to heal
or get a glimpse of the hope you feel about changing the limitations and symptoms that have
held you back and they want to take you down i'm here to tell you that this kind of negativity is
common it happens all the time to anyone who takes a big step up and healing your childhood trauma is
probably the biggest step up you can ever take and your progress depends on you developing a healthy
detachment from it and persevering with optimism and confidence in your recovery from childhood
ptsd i'm telling you the voice of the inner critic and the residual hopelessness of your past
is plenty to deal with and you don't need anybody to set you straight or knock you down a peg
it's just smart it's realistic to believe that yes healing is possible it might be incremental but
you can do it now why would people want to stop you from saving your own life like that i'll tell
you some of the reasons i've seen basically if you heal it messes up a whole lot of people's paradigm
believing that childhood trauma is intractable it's a life sentence it dooms us to sickness and
depression and poverty is a protection of sorts people who are very hurt and fragile sometimes
need to be super careful about believing anybody who comes along and tells them hey i've got
something good they've been tricked before you know they've been manipulated they are not yet
in a place where they can trust their judgment so if you come along and say hey i've been working
on myself and i'm getting this wonderful new perspective and i'm feeling hopeful it can scare
them it can scare people in person and people online and you start getting these nasty comments
to some people like just any kind of hope or any kind of alternative vision feels like
not just bs and manipulation but also that you're invalidating them and they believe usually wrongly
but understandably that they they have to push back and make you stop saying that they want to
even help you by telling you the truth right you know this right having hope has not always been
safe for any of us you can be exploited when you feel hopeful so it's not crazy for them to
think that traumatized people have often had their perceptions damaged they can't tell a trustworthy
person from an abuser and it's horrible when your trust is abused you think you can't trust
anything so that's a big part of healing from cptsd is gaining back your powers of perception
and discernment so you can sense red flags about people who are out to hurt you or more commonly
people who just don't get it they're giving you advice that might apply to them but it's just
nonsense for you when you have cptsd it can be a very different set of criteria and
not everyone who had trauma as kids responds to the same approaches to healing and i think
that's been the experience for a lot of us as we sought help for healing the effect of trauma
the depression the anxiety relationship problems isolation but if you're watching this video then
at least you are someone who's trying to get information and learn you get kudos for that
you decide whether you want to use this information or any information right
the best kind of healing teaches you to use your best judgment and apply lessons to your situation
i mean that's what healing is discernment so the same way that you should filter anything
i tell you because it's just my experience right it's the same filter you should use on people who
discourage your healing that's their experience and their system for handling life when it's hard
you don't have to let it in and when you like the information and you think it's useful
you can you know let it in a little more we all know people who cling to an identity as a victim
and there's almost always some truth in it we have been victimized we all do it from time to time
but when other people do it it's easy to see that with all that focus on what happened how
damaging it was and sometimes how much people who tried to help have you know let us down
it's easy to see that someone in that negative space is missing a lot of other information
like other possibilities ways that they might have the power to heal and it's really hard
to be around that kind of negativity because well first people like this can be really mean
and we've all been there in that lashing out place but what happens is a person has been hurt
so much by other people that they think the bad feeling inside is always because of other people
or specifically because of the person standing right in front of them when it's you and here's
the thing when someone in that bad place sees you you're kind of shiny and glowing because
good things are happening for you because you're sharing a message of hope they compare themselves
to you and then feel badly about themselves and because this isn't really on a conscious level
it's just kind of grooved into their thinking at this point they think that you're the one
making them feel bad you say your experience and they hear it as invalidation of their experience
they can't hear the difference they can't hear that your positive state is not an evaluation of
their negative state they're in too much pain to separate the two enough to even be glad for you
and they definitely can't learn from you and when this happens what should you do probably just get
away from them if you're very very advanced you can try to give them a little acknowledgement
and validation not putting them down but just understanding the hopeless feeling they have
and not trying to change it for them if you try to encourage someone who's really really invested at
that moment with proving that they're stuck that it was that bad that they have no choice then your
encouragement can feel like invalidation sometimes the best thing you can do is just acknowledge you
heard them that you understand that you've felt that way before but it is a form of discretion not
to go pushing solutions on people even when you know perfectly well what would help them because
honestly we don't know it feels like we know but we don't always know and sometimes people
need to be where they are and they can't really be receptive until you know life brings them to
that point the best time to give people support and help is when they're asking you for advice
that is another story in any case people with cbtsd including you including me were sensitive
to discouragement were sensitive to encouragement and were sensitive to discouragement i mean look
at how we got cptsd in the first place right there was a lot of discouragement and yet the people who
encouraged us those people are the key factors in whatever amount of resilience we managed to get do
you know about resilience some people go through x amount of trauma and it destroys them and others
kind of do okay and that's what we call resilience it's never too late to develop your resilience
and this means sticking with people who encourage you and staying away from people who discourage
you don't even fight those naysayers you can tell them kindly that you understand how they feel and
then remove yourself and believe me i've had to do this all my life and especially now putting
my story and my thoughts out on youtube you've probably seen it people will say the meanest most
judgy condemning yucky things last week i posted a video that prompted a string of unsubscribes
there was a subset of people who didn't like it and they said horrible things and you know what
i'm so glad they're gone it makes this community safer for you and for me and it's it wasn't even
that many people but it helps to make it safer to get people who are hostile you know out of the
community because many of you are here pouring out your hearts in the comments and i read them and
it's beautiful and i especially love when you guys support each other and give each other validation
that's a very powerful thing and it's amazing that we can do that all around the world through
the internet this is a community of kindness and mutual support for you and for me and we can allow
each other to have different experiences and not have to compare ourselves or take each other down
and i don't want a bunch of attackers out there who are comparing themselves and threatening you
now i don't always see the comments that come way down in the threads that you guys create so
if someone's ever being abusive or trying to tell you that you're screwed and you're never going to
get better you can tell them off you have my permission or you can tell me and sometimes
i'll have a word with them or i'll just remove their comment or i'll remove the person from the
community i don't like to do it actually but it's better than people getting hurt when they come to
the very place that they've come for comfort and healing which is here on this channel one of the
ways that you can arrest those dark thoughts is to intentionally share thoughts that might help other
people and i'm talking about encouraging comments if somebody says they're having a hard time
you can give them a comment and just say hey i'm sending you hugs or um i know what you're talking
about it's hard you would be amazed how much power you have to lift other people's spirits on the
other side of the planet with your encouragement and if you're struggling with negativity and dark
thoughts i'm going to recommend really strongly that you check out the techniques that i teach
that i use for dealing with that for calming your mind for developing more of a clear channel to be
free and to be yourself and to know what to do with yourself each day so that you can be happy
and moving forward with your healing it's called the daily practice and i'll put a link below in
the description section i do that in most videos along with some other resources that i think you
might find helpful so put up your invisible shield against all the haters and discouragers
and critics who would try to amplify the hurts that you've already got in you and convince you
that this is all you are you are so much more than this you are more than your trauma what happened
to you is real but it doesn't define you so if you need more encouragement i've got videos for
you the next one that you might want to watch is this one right here i think you'll like it
you