[Ethan] Hey man, are you single? [Man] No.
[Ethan] No? [Man] No, I actually have 2 girlfriends.
[Dave] When was the last time you made love?
[Man 2] 2 weeks ago. (Dave laughs)
[Dave] That's like 20 weeks less than me.
[Dave] Would you like to be a part of our dating game?
[Man 2] Yeah. [Dave] Yeah, you sure?
[Ethan] Are you single? I want to set you up.
[Dave] Excuse me handsome man. Are you single?
[Man 3] (Unclear)
[Ethan] Would you like to be part of a dating game in
which you meet potentially the man of your dreams?
[Dave] And maybe you get a 1 night
stand, maybe you find a husband.
[Theresa] Yeah all right. You only live once.
[Dave] Ok, yeah., [Theresa] Exactly.
[Ethan] All right, so we just brought up
all of our contestants from the street.
[Ethan] The bachelorette has not yet seen any of the bachelors.
[Dave] She's going to ask the men a series of questions.
[Dave] And based on their answers, will pick her favorite.
[Ethan] mate. (Dave and Ethan
singing) ♪ This is how normal people ♪
(singing) ♪ fall in love. On a show. ♪
[Dave] All right, let's get started guys.
[Ethan] Let's do this. We have our lovely contestant
[Ethan] here. What is your name, bachelorette?
[Theresa] My name is Theresa (Beep). [Ethan] Theresa.
[Ethan] You might not want to give your last name
because someone might come and find you and kill you.
[Ethan] Dave, can you introduce us to our bachelors?
[Dave] Bachelor number 1, where are you from?
[No 1} I'm Ecuadorian Dominican. Good afternoon.
[Dave] Holy shit. [Ethan] He has the sexiest accent I've
[Ethan] ever heard in my life. [Dave] Bachelor number 2
[Dave] where are you from? [No 2) Santiago, Chili.
[Dave laughs] What's up now, Dominican?
[Ethan] Theresa, here's how it's gonna work. I'm going to give
[Ethan] you some questions to ask these bachelors. And at the
[Ethan] end, when they've answered all of them, you're
[Ethan] going to decide who you like the best. Is that cool?
[Theresa] Sounds good. My favorite thing in the world
[Theresa] is running. How would you ask me out?
[Dave] Bachelor number 2. How would you ask her out?
[No 2] I would run behind her and maybe run over her.
[No 2] and say "Do you need any help?"
[Ethan] You would run her over, like a truck?
[No 2] That's what I was trying to say, yeah,
Sorry for my English dude. [Ethan] I don't think this is an
[Ethan] English problem. [Dave] Yeah, that's perfect English.
[Dave] Bachelor number 3. [No 3] I would ask her to meet
[No 3} me at Central Park by the reservoir and have a nice lovely
[No 3] jog, maybe around twilight time.
[Ethan] That's the first non-disturbing answer
[Ethan] we've gotten. [Dave] I know.
[Theresa] In offensive accent, tell me one thing that's
[Theresa] great about you. [No 1] I like sushi. And I will
[No 1] prepare sushi for you after you finish running.
[Ethan] Yeah, that will do.
[Theresa] If I were your coffee, how would you take me?
[Dave] Yeah. [No 3] I would take her with
[No 3] some nice brown sugar.
[No 3] Maybe 2 creams. Yeah, that sounds good.
[Dave] Enough. (No 3 laughs)
[Ethan] Did bachelor number 3 just have an orgasm on stage?
[Dave] If she were in your coffee, how would you take her?
[No 1] I would put her in another coffee mug.
[No 1] Add some sale and put it in a fish tank because by the
[No 1] way she sounds, she sounds like a mermaid.
[No 1] Super hot. [Dave] What does it feel like
[Dave] taking LSD on a Wednesday?
[Theresa] If there was a movie made about your penis what
[Theresa] genre would it be? [No 2] Science fiction.
[No 2] It's out of this world. [Ethan] Good save.
[Dave] Bachelor number 1. [No 1] Animation. In animation
[No 1] there are so many unexpected things and funny
[No 1] things that happen, so... [Ethan] Can you just indulge me
[Ethan] for a moment and tell me one of the funny, unexpected
[Ethan] things that happens with your penis?
[No 2] Universally, they will go pop and then down again.
[No 1] It happens to me. I think it happens to other guys
[No 1] as well... [Ethan] The time has come
[Ethan] for you to decide. Which of these guys
[Ethan] would you like to date? Will it be bachelor number 1?
[Ethan] Bachelor number 2? Or bachelor number 3?
[Theresa] I'm still sold on number 3 in Central Park.
[Dave] Wow. [Ethan] Number 3, wow.
[Dave] So the moment we've all been waiting for. It's time to
[Dave] meet our winner. Winner, what is your name?
[Chris] Chris. [Ethan] Please meet in the center.
[Dave] Please get up. [Ethan] Say hello to one another.
[Dave] Yes. Oh yeah.
(Dave laughs)
[Ethan] We actually have a prize for you.
[Dave] Here I have a $50 gift certificate to Friedman's lunch.
[Ethan] Can you get a shot of that?
[Ethan] Now everybody smile as he get's the picture.
[Ethan] Ok, we got it. We would like to dance with the couple
[Ethan] that we've now joined. Here we go, and we're dancing.
[Ethan] All right. Well, it's been a wonderful episode.
[Ethan] This spicy Latin edition. Dave, you want to
[Ethan] say any parting words? [Dave] Mom, I love you.
[Dave] I'm sorry about what you walked in on.
[Ethan] Not the time or the place but good bye everybody.
[Ethan] We'll see you for the next episode.
[Dave] Thank you for watching our majestic show.
[Ethan] All right, that's enough Byork. If you'd like to watch
[Ethan] more episodes, you can subscribe to Above Average.
[Dave] And you...I'm sorry. Subscribe to Dave & Ethan also.
[Dave] I love Byork. [Ethan] I don't love you.
[Dave whispers] Kiss me.
[Ethan laughs] Ha ha.