right next to my ex-girlfriend Alexia Moreno as you guys know we've
been broken up for a while now guys she's been posting on her own channel
and I haven't even been posting at all I'm still trying to think about
everything that's gone on in that last couple months and kind of reflect on
everything it's just been so hard for me to even make videos right now but one of
the biggest things that's been bothering me about the whole situation is just not
being with Alexia something that I'm extremely passionate about is getting
out of abusive and toxic relationships
what's up everybody this is Chris from the rewired soul
where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new
to my channel my channel is all about mental health and something that affects
our mental health so much is our relationships but anyways if you're
someone like me trying to actively improve your mental and emotional
well-being make sure you subscribe and bring that notification bell and yeah I
wasn't even planning on making a video today it's been a nice chill day I
finally beat Horry and the will of the wisps amazing game my beautiful
girlfriend Tristan and I we watch some YouTube this afternoon just finished
watching uncut gems that movie is insane but anyways I just saw this on Twitter
and like I said this is something that I am very very passionate about and this
video is not for Jaystation and Alexia this video is for you and me
alright the both of us okay because so many of us we do this and it's so easy
to watch these public figures like I'mJaystation and Alexia getting in these
awful relationships and going back to each other and everything like that and
judging it from afar but I've done it in the past I know so many people in my
life who have done this and we need to talk about it so first like I'm not
going to like break down like their clips and everything like you usual
there are plenty of commentary videos out there but anyways Jaystation
you guys know he makes those kind of trashy videos 3 a.m. challenges and
everything like that but anyways a couple months ago I think it was um yeah
him and his girlfriend broke up he woke up one morning or huh it was the
afternoon and she was gone she pressed charges against him for assault he
started making videos defending himself the cops showed up to his house and then
she started making videos about this and she talked about the abusive and toxic
behavior from Jaystation all right now listen something that I try to do okay I
try to look at the reason like no I'm not a licensed therapist or anything
like that but I've worked with many many people at the drug and alcohol rehab
that I used to work at a lot of them struggled with mental health issues that
was a dual diagnosis treatment center and same thing with me right I'm a
recovering drug addict an alcoholic I had a messed-up childhood and for a long
time like especially in my active addiction I was living in pure chaos and
I was the worst boyfriend you could ever meet all right although I was never
physically abusive although I never cheated on a woman or anything I was an
absolute nightmare to date okay anyway it's Jay Station and Alexia just
announced that they're back together and they make this happy hyped up video
about how they're back together and how they're going to work on things so but I
look at this stuff I'm like okay so what what's going to happen what's what's the
move forward because Jay station was very open and honest and I empathize
with the guy he talks about the messed up childhood he had his poor
relationship with his parents and check this out like this is one of the reasons
why so many of us need therapy if you keep getting in toxic relationship after
toxic relationship after toxic relationship go to therapy okay my first
form of therapy was through 12-step programs and I learned why I kept
getting into such awful relationships and why I was such a terrible boyfriend
right because Jay station looking from afar obviously I don't know the guy but
he talks about this messed up childhood and all his trust issues growing up and
now that is spilled over into his relationship Alexia in her
she talked about how he was you know checking her phone he was trying to
distance her from other people and everything like that that is something
with us so if you have somebody in your life who doesn't trust you just realize
that is on them okay that's not a you issue unless you're cheating like then
you're you're not a very good person if you do with that but a lot of that comes
from past relationships we bring that baggage from an old relationship into a
new one and something I had to realize when I started getting in new
relationships was it is not fair to my new partner to bring stuff from an old
relationship into a new one all right so they they sit there and they discuss how
things are gonna be different how things are gonna change and whenever I hear
that especially if it was such a toxic relationship that was verbally abusive
physically abusive emotionally abusive whatever it was when somebody says
they're working on themselves and here's what they're gonna do I'm always like
okay what does that mean does that mean individual therapy does that mean
couples counseling right but no no no no no here's why they believe that this
relationships gonna work out was a hundred percent believing what I was
telling her when I met her in person so I wanted to make Alexia promise I would
never be like that again and I actually made that promise not only to her face
but I took her out and I bought her these matching rings guys check these
rings out these symbolize the promise that I made to Alexia that I would never
do what I did to her before ever again guys like you have to be kidding me
you have to be kidding me right now so one of my favorite philosophies is
something my old mentor taught me and he said going back to an ex is like
drinking spoiled milk I mentioned this in a video not that long ago but here's
for all of you people who missed it getting back with an ex there's like
pulling milk out of the fridge drinking it realizing it's spoiled putting it
back in the fridge coming back later weeks months later pulling it out and be
like oh my god I can't it's still spoiled right like it is so
difficult for people to change usually it takes years of work like even after I
got sober I was a hot mess for that first year or two I was still not all
there I still had a lot of stuff to work on so there is no way that either of
these two have had the time to work on themselves
so here's the thing we have to also realize the cognitive dissonance that we
have when it comes to relationships okay so based on cognitive dissonance theory
it discusses how the more work that we put into something the harder something
is the more we value it right and that's one of the reasons we miss somebody so
much and we decide to go back to them sometimes is because we think about all
the hard things that we went through so that's when we got to take a step back
and realize okay because it was hard that does not mean that it was good it
was hard because something terrible was going on and unless there is some kind
of life change that a person is doing there is no reason to go back to them
right there they have to go through some kind of transformation so in a situation
like this and I've been in this situation in the past I trust me I try
to preach from my own experience like I would ask that person if they're like
what are they doing to improve themselves like anybody can say I'm
trying to be better or can promise you they're gonna do better ask yourself or
even ask them what does that mean what does that mean right like if it's
that therapy what is it they're gonna try not to get so mad at you they're
gonna try not to get so jealous the reality is they were trying that before
it just didn't work because it was buried underneath the surface and it
bubbled up so somebody could say Oh baby girl I'm gonna try not to get so mad at
you this time I'm gonna try not to hurt you this time
what does trying look like right where's your evidence that they
are trying like think about that the next time someone in your life says that
and the last thing I want to touch on is they talk about how they went on this
glorious vacation this this amazing resort this all goes back to the
honeymoon phase right like it is so easy for us to when we get into a brand-new
relationship or when we get back with an ex that honeymoon phase when everything
is glorious and I live by a philosophy where a relationship isn't based on how
good things are when they're good but it's how you and your partner get
through adversity right you get through the the inevitable challenges that life
is going to throw at you just because you had a great vacation with no care in
the world that is not a good example of how good the relationships going to be
right so we have to remember that like I'm not telling you to go into a brand
new relationship all super pessimistic but just dial back that emotion and try
to think rationally like we all know like when we get lovestruck we are
extremely irrational but do what you can't upbeat to pause and be mindful of
it and be like oh okay like my emotions are really high right now and they're
not forgetting about previous relationships where I jumped into
something too soon or when getting back to an ex we're forgetting about all
those terrible times I don't know what it is but when it comes to getting back
with an ex our brain focuses on all the good times but it forgets all of the bad
times right and when a co such a station Alexia she was talking about how he like
threw things at her he was trying to distance her from her friends in a lot
of cases this is like one of the primary signs of an abusive relationship he's
trying to isolate somebody from friends family members whoever it is and it
takes a lot of work for someone to fix their stuff and don't get me wrong I
wish the best for these two I hope the best for the
but for all you viewers out there we can't just sit around here and watch
this stuff there's gonna be a million commentary videos on this situation but
we need to turn it back around look at ourselves and see what kind of
relationship patterns we have and what we're struggling with so we can improve
our own lives you know what I mean but anyways that's all I got for this
video if you like this video please give it a thumbs up if you do make sure you
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supports the channel by buying my mental health books at the rewired soul calm
and everybody who supports the channel bye bye bye getting merch at the merch
store alright thanks again for watching I'll see you next time