Transcriber: Theresa Ranft Reviewer: Rhonda Jacobs
[Rebirth]
Dax Justin: This isn't just a normal picture of random clouds.
To me,
this is what I saw when I woke up on my back,
looking straight up.
And when I sat up,
I didn't have my shirt,
I didn't have my cell phone, wallet, keys.
When I looked down, I didn't have my shoes.
My toes were ripped through my socks.
And in that moment, I had lost the vitality of life,
and I was dead to myself.
Now, how did I get to the place I was at?
The night before, I ended up at this place
called a crack house.
I didn't make any conscious decisions to get there.
It was a sequence of bad decisions.
And I remember sitting in the corner of this sofa,
and I looked out into this dark, empty room -
not empty with people, empty in soul.
Windows were boarded up.
And I remember looking out, and a guy beside me was tweaking out.
I don't know if you've ever around someone doing that, but it's freaky.
At that moment, I realized that I was in the darkest corner of the universe,
and I felt that.
I felt like I was never going to escape that place.
It was also because a guy was standing by the door with a Rambo-sized knife,
blocking the doorway so we couldn't leave
because he thought there was law enforcement around.
If there was law enforcement,
I would have been on the losing end of a gun battle.
So at one point, they took me into this back room,
and they lifted up the mattress,
and for the first time in my life, I saw machine guns.
Not only that but we were surrounded by the most dangerous chemicals known to man.
So, I had to escape,
and I waited until everyone went into that back room,
and I took my opportunity, and I bolt out the front door.
Now, when I did that, I was obviously doing my escape,
but the problem with everything is
I ran until I collapsed.
It wasn't just a physical collapse,
it was like a collapse of all of your life and soul.
So, that day, I ended up at the hospital.
The doctors said I was on a cocktail of drugs.
I don't remember doing them, but I accept that I did do them.
My mom, my close friends,
even friends who I have from the Calgary Police Service were there.
And they were there to nurse me back to life.
And in that moment, I had a choice,
and I chose life.
I actually didn't know where I was the night before.
It took until about 5 p.m. the next day for me to remember what happened.
I didn't know if my friends were dead or alive.
I had a very good buddy with me that ended up in that place.
I didn't know where he was.
I didn't know if he got his chance to get out.
And now, with perspective,
it didn't matter if he was dead or alive
because we were both dead and alive.
That's how we were living without knowing it.
So I chose life,
and I decided to understand why and how I got to that place.
I was a very different type of person.
I was super creative. I liked to go hard into things when I love stuff.
So when I heard about the concept of addiction,
I was like, "I'm not that. There's no way I'm an addict.
An addict is those guys that night."
Well, I got news for all of you:
we're all addicts,
we're all addicts to a certain extent with something.
Even people who rush to Starbucks first thing in the morning -
I love you guys, but you're all addicts, right?
(Laughter)
Once I took months to understand this idea of addiction,
I understood very fast that it's misunderstood.
And to be honest, the common idea out there right now
is that the opposite of addiction is sobriety.
So I did that. I spent like 18 or 20 months or something.
I stopped counting because it was like I discovered something else.
And I discovered that the true opposite of addiction isn't sobriety,
it's connection.
Not connection to our devices, not just connection with human spirit,
but connection to every spirit,
everything that's alive.
So, this one day, I woke up,
and I was drawn and compelled to nature.
I took my truck out and got lost in the woods.
The sun hit the snow differently that day.
I found dream catchers and teepees, and my shoes broke apart,
and it was like a big cleansing type of thing that happened.
When that happened, I called my buddies in Calgary,
and I was like, "Hey, man!
Do you guys know about nature? Like, I feel it.
I feel connected to something out here."
(Laughter)
I was just not even like out to Bragg Creek yet.
I had never explored these areas, right?
(Laughter)
Serious.
And,
I called three people that day, the closest people in my life.
I told them what I felt, and they all called me one thing,
they called me crazy.
So after that, there's this big disconnect between me and, like, city lifestyle.
What actually happened that day
is that I was drawn to pursue the wild,
and I relentlessly pursued it, without even thinking about it.
I left my 9 to 5, went past Bragg Creek every day,
and I'm still going further every day.
And so when I was compelled to go into nature,
I felt alive.
It was the most purest thing I had ever, ever felt.
And not only that, I kind of felt like a kid again.
Like I was running around in the woods acting crazy,
like I wore war paint and stuff too;
I got really into it.
(Laughter)
It was like I was a child again, discovering childhood again,
but this time it was different, it wasn't childhood, it was wildhood.
And that moment changed my life.
So, I started doing things that I had never done before,
like getting on a canoe.
One of the most meditative experiences was being in a canoe or a kayak,
and I never knew that about myself,
which means that I didn't really even know my true self at all.
I was a product of what I thought I was supposed to be doing.
So I pushed further,
and I was told not to go to the ice cave because it wasn't accessible.
And while I don't like not listening to people,
I pushed on anyways.
I took a calculated risk,
and I saw the first-ever ice cave that I've ever seen.
And now that ice cave actually isn't there.
It was the Athabasca Ice Cave at the toe of the glacier,
and it collapsed in October.
So I pushed on, I overcame my fear,
and I had an opportunity to see something like this.
So at this point, I'm still addicted,
and I'm addicted to nature.
And that whole experience has shaped me, changed my life,
and I no longer need to escape or run away.
I'm running towards a life of discovery.
[Action, Courage, Celebrate Relentlessness.]
So over the last couple of years,
there are a few things that stand out in my mind
as to how you can slay your addictions
with nature.
The first one is action.
I've watched "The Secret." Have you guys seen "The Secret"?
Project positive; set intentions.
That's all true.
But without action,
you're not going to wake up being any different.
It's just your thoughts that are changing, not your behavior.
So I took action to change my life.
I don't know what compelled me to go into nature that first day,
but I followed it, and I went after it.
The second thing is courage.
Did you know that we're all courageous in this room?
If you don't think you are
it's because you've been taught that you haven't been.
Just like we're all absolutely creative.
Maybe if I asked if you're creative,
you'd tell me you're type A or something
or type whatever.
You're not type whatever, you're type yourself.
I promise that you have creative expression
to give and to share.
And the same with courage.
Courage is a little bit different.
You have to push past your boundaries
and get out of that comfort zone we've been taught to hang out in.
Once you push past that, you'll find your courage.
The last thing is you need to start celebrating relentlessness.
Don't just go half-assed with it.
Take it to the very, very limit,
and only then can you start discovering your true self.
So, a couple of years later,
here's where I am.
This time I'm in the clouds.
I'm looking down instead of looking up.
So you know what the best part of all this stuff is?
It's knowing that you have the courage, the grit, and the resiliency,
whether you know it or not,
to take charge.
My real goal from this talk
is to tell you that you don't have to wait for your rock bottom.
My rock bottom was looking up at clouds.
Yours doesn't have to be that, no matter what your addiction is.
You have the power to change your life,
other people's lives,
and you have the power to discover your true self,
destroy what destroys you.
Thank you.
(Applause)