If you saw Trump on the campaign,
you wouldn't be crazy to think that he was going to go
to China, kick down the door, grab their president,
and shake the factories out of his pockets.
But for this visit, China was a step ahead.
You see, for them, it was time for Operation Beijing Butter Up.
REPORTER: In China, a lavish red carpet welcome
for President Trump, complete with honor guards.
On the motorcade route,
excited schoolchildren waving American and Chinese flags.
Donald Trump seems to be seduced
by the lavish red carpet state visit.
That's something. I'm... We're having a great time.
Okay, first of all, I don't know if that was a red carpet
or if Trump's neckties are just getting longer.
Second of all, who were those kids?
And why were they jumping? What was going on there?
But, still, look how happy he is.
Like, this is the part of being president that he loves--
people parading for him,
not having to walk,
touching shiny things.
That's what Donald wanted from the presidency,
not meetings with Mitch McConnell.
And you could tell that Trump was slowly being seduced
by his new Eastern friends.
The president, of course, has had the,
uh, red carpet rolled out for him here.
President Xi Jinping is trying to flatter President Trump.
They all tried to figure out, how do you get to Trump?
How do you wow him? How do you woo him?
How do you seduce him?
REPORTER: President Xi Jinping and his wife
playing tour guide, taking President Trump
and the first lady to Beijing's Forbidden City...
♪ ♪
...and to a traditional Chinese opera.
You can see the exact moment they told him
Jackie Chan wasn't in this.
But-but, shame, shame,
uh, like, you've got to give Trump props.
He tried.
He went to a Chinese opera.
And I-I respect that.
Because I know what it's like when a friend forces you
to sit through a performance and you can't wait for it to end.
(guitar playing)
♪ She's a girl and she's a friend to me ♪
♪ She's my lover ♪
♪ She's so kind to me ♪
♪ No one knows ♪
♪ Just why you would ever be there for me ♪
♪ She's a girl who's more of a Christmas tree ♪
♪ She's got so many gifts for me ♪
♪ She's a giving, loving tree ♪
♪ Saba-ha! ♪
That's kind of how that one goes.
-It's really nice. -Yeah.
So, I have four more. (clears throat)
Next one's kind of a rocker, you know? You know what I mean?
-You really get... -I-I need to... I need to pee.
(laughter)
That was the first time I missed apartheid.
(laughter, gasping)
(cheering and applause)
So...
so, you might be watching this whole trip and thinking,
"Come on, man. The Chinese are so dumb.
"You can't play Trump. He is The Art of the Deal.
"He's not going to watch your little show
"and all of a sudden be like, 'You know what,
I don't blame China.'"
I don't blame China.
Wait, what?
What happened to the "China raping America" part?
And-and it's one thing to not blame them.
It's another thing to praise them for ripping America off.
After all,
who can blame a country
for being able to take advantage of another country
for the benefit of its citizens?
I give China great credit.
(applause)
Wow. I never thought I would hear an American president
tell his geopolitical adversary,
"Well played, guys. We had it coming.
Yeah, we had it coming."
And Trump's tone on this trip went beyond just politeness.
He praised Xi in person
and even tweeted a video for his new best friend.
President Xi, I want to thank you
for an incredible, welcoming ceremony.
You're a very special man.
My feeling toward you is an incredibly warm one.
Our meeting last night
was absolutely terrific.
Our relationship with you and China
is a very important one to me.
In the coming months and years, I look forward to building
an even stronger relationship
between our two countries, and even closer
friendships and relationships
between the people of our countries.
(as Trump): That's why President Xi and I would be honored
if you joined us on our special day.
(laughter)
We're registered at the Ancient Ming Pottery Barn.
(laughter)
Look, if you're a Trump supporter,
him letting China off the hook
probably doesn't make you feel great.
But if he really is your guy,
you should also be happy that he found love.
(laughter)
Yeah, you can't deny that this trip was magical.
It felt like one long episode of The Bachelor in China.
President Xi, I want to thank you.
Again, you're a very special man.
Our meeting last night was
absolutely terrific.
Our dinner was beyond that.
My feeling toward you is an incredibly warm one.
There's great chemistry,
and I think we're going to do tremendous things
for both China and for the United States.
Oh!
(cheers and applause)
That's all good and well and really romantic
until Trump gets home, turns on the lights,
finds Putin waiting for him like,
"Enjoy your little trip, Donald?"
-(laughter) -"I saw the video.
-Who is Xi?" -(laughter)