[Love Will Have Its Sacrifices opening theme]
Augh! My eyes!
What the hell is this?
Bear spray. My own recipe.
Do you think that's gonna stop me?
[More very pained yelling. Turns out bear spray really stings]
Carm! This way!
[Yup they're still screaming]
[Door slams. See ya!]
Dad!
Sweetheart.
Still all about that bear spray, huh?
[Worried Dad-checking-for-bites noises]
Really think we need to talk about the friends you're making.
Danny’s not a friend?
Really? Cause couldn’t help but notice you went for Snowy Uberwald instead of live volcano.
Not now, OK, Carm?
God. Dad.
Wait-
How are you even here? Last time we talked you were packing the car
to come get me for Christmas Vacation, and then the earthquakes started and-
Yeah, well. You remember Mrs. Kransky, right?
Well her son Louis, he applied to Silas and I brought him along to check out the campus,
and then when the earthquakes happened, well we got stuck in Einhorn for the night- and
around 3 AM I get woken up by “Mr. Hollis, Dude, your daughter’s making some crazy-ass vids."
Video- You saw my videos?
Uh huh.
The missing roommate.
Human sacrifice.
My roommate the vampire bit me-
Well the blood loss was…minor.
But none of that compares remotely- remotely compares to the fact that you were possessed
by an evil, supernatural, EVIL Dean of a private university where I am paying an exorbitant
amount of tuition to keep you safe!
[Stressed Dad deep breath]
Anyway I left Louis in Einhorn.
And I nearly drove off the road twice trying to get here, and then that last huge earthquake
just swallowed my car.
I was rescued by a giant, which would really have been upsetting if your videos hadn’t
already broadened my horizons.
So anyway this giant- Bob- he needed help navigating through the Styrian Alps- he has
a cousin apparently who works here, do you know him?
He works in the Phys Ed. Department.
Anyway everything was fine, we decided to hike in together and everything was going
great until we came across a “safety patrol” of Styrian villagers.
Well it might as well have been the crowd scene from Frankenstein.
And then I managed to sneak onto campus while they just kept chasing poor Bob with those pitchforks.
And then it was just little tiny swarms of dragons and talking fungus and a lady who
I think was a harpy.
And none of them- None of them had any idea what might have happened to you.
And then I saw this door and and I put my ear up against it to listen and I hear you!
I hear you!
Getting assaulted by a vampire, again!
[Awkward silence]
How many of my videos did you see exactly?
Hey! Laura! Great news on the research front-
Dad! Dad, this is my friend LaFontaine.
LaF, this my Dad.
Wow. You weren’t kidding about the overprotective bit.
I’m pretty sure my parents have rented out my room to a nursing student and decided she’s my replacement.
LaFontaine? Laura's talked about you.
You’re the biology major with the sampling obsession.
Who doesn’t want- who decided doesn’t want to be a girl anymore?
Dad! That's not-
It’s fine. It’s less about the “she” and more about the “they” these days Mr Hollis.
Of course, my apologies.
It can take some getting used to.
Yeah, well, I mean if I can deal with vampires and giants this is hardly a stretch.
That’s very logical.
Uh so anyway, speaking of vampires.
Do you ladies- and not ladies- just mind giving me a moment alone with my daughter?
Of course.
Come on, bad seed, I need an extra pair of eyes on these.
Sure.
Look, honey.
I only saw Louis Kransky’s greatest hits, believe me it was more than enough.
Good.
Cause some of those videos might have been edited in ways that could be...misleading.
Really?
So you’re not camped out in an evil university, dating a vampire who nearly gave you up as
a human sacrifice?
Ok.
Yes. But escaping the evil university was…complicated.
And Carm- Carm would never hurt me.
She saved my life.
Would your life have needed saving if she wasn’t in it?
Do you remember what I said to you when you told me you were a lesbian?
“Thank God you finally said it.”
After that.
“You better find a girl who deserves you.”
Yes!
That!
And this might be so shocking to you, but “murderous vampire”
wasn’t exactly what I had in mind!
Dad, seriously. Are you more concerned with the evil university or my love life?
Is there a difference?
It’s not even like that. We aren’t even really…
Together anymore.
Really?
Ok, I mean-
Yeah I’m sure it’s much more complicated than what I’ve seen.
And she does get points for saving your life so-
So we can take her with us when we leave,
but you just have to say your goodbyes before we get home.
My what? Home?
Yeah.
Honey, I just spent the last five months battling through untold
insaaaanity trying to find you.
You bet your sweet bippy I’m taking you home!