One of the many challenges for kids and parents during the coronavirus pandemic
has been sustaining motivation for work, for school, and for chores. Unfortunately,
having a lot of extra time at home does not necessarily translate into a
lot more productive activities. Motivating our
kids to do things can be one of the most challenging tasks of a parent, especially
when our kids have no interest in doing what it is we're
asking them to do. Motivation can be classified into two
main types intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic
motivation is the type of motivation that arises from within a person,
something they want to do because of their internal
values or drive. External motivation is when you are
motivated by something outside of yourself.
Different types of motivation drive behavior in different ways.
Mostly as parents we want to try to encourage and support that
intrinsic motivation for our children, but this can be easier said than done.
One thing we can tweak is the way we give our kids praise.
Warmth support and positivity are so important for kids.
Praise is important too and can be an effective motivator when it's used in
the right way. If we praise our kids for grades and
awards, it can cause them to have a performance orientation.
Although they might be more motivated to try to get more rewards,
they actually may experience a fear of failure
and feel this pressure to perform.
Depression and anxiety in adolescence may actually be
increased by having this sort of performance orientation.
Instead if we focus our praise on the process rather than the outcome, we can
actually, have our, help support our kids and be more
motivated to work hard. So saying something like I can tell
you've been practicing or i know how hard you worked on that
assignment are much more effective than you're
incredibly good at this or you're so smart.
Extrinsic rewards do have their place. They are really helpful in situations
where kids have to complete a task that they find
really unpleasant. They can also induce interest in
something in which the person had no previous interest at all.
Extrinsic rewards should be avoided however
for activities that kids actually enjoy. When they already find the activity
itself rewarding and we give an extrinsic
reward, we actually decrease intrinsic
motivation and make them less likely to participate in the
activity. For example, if your child enjoys playing the piano
and you start giving external rewards for practicing piano,
it actually makes them less interested in that activity.
As with so many aspects of parenting, positive relationships with our kids
help here too. Time spent with them is an investment in their well-being
and in their intrinsic motivation. We can do this by listening to their interests,
hearing what their goals are for the future,
setting healthy boundaries and routines, giving affection, and showing that we
view them in a positive light. It is not easy to change behaviors but
helping our kids set small goals about things that matter
to them, may help them tap into that intrinsic
motivation and build it and that can lead to change. One caveat
about motivation; if your child has low motivation in
addition to other signs of depression such as social withdrawal,
changes in grades and sleep habits, and sadness,
it's probably a good idea to talk to your pediatrician or call 314-454-TEEN for help.