- How do you attract a man who's gonna love you
for who you really are?
This question came in recently
during an event that I was leading
and I love the way the woman asked the question.
She asked it this way.
She goes,
"How can I raise my vibration to attract a man
"who's gonna love all the interesting aspects of myself?"
And I laughed and I said, "You know
"I think that's what everybody wants."
Everyone wants a partner who's gonna love all
of the interesting aspects of themselves
because we all have parts
of ourselves that may be easier to love
and also a little bit more challenging to love.
And so I didn't know her backstory
but anytime someone says,
"How can I attract someone who,"
then the answer therein is
how can I become that same thing to myself?
Because like attracts like,
so how can I attract someone who loves and accepts me?
The first question is,
what do you need to love and accept about yourself?
But I'm gonna share with you a concept
that can be incredibly powerful for you
because we're gonna take it one step further
and it's something that very few people are aware of
and it can be a game-changer for you
in attracting someone that you really want as a partner.
And so I asked this woman the same question.
I said, "Okay, well, what are the aspects
"of yourself that need your love and acceptance more?"
And she took a deep breath and she goes,
"Oh, that's tough because I've done a real,
"I've done a lot of love and acceptance work on myself."
And I said, "Okay, well
"what aspect are you specifically asking
"that a man will need to love and accept?"
And she goes, "Well, I have a rod
"in my leg and it hinders my physical mobility.
"And the last three guys that I've gone
"on dates with have all rejected me because,
"and they said specifically because I'm not able to keep
"up and they wouldn't be able to have the kind
"of relationship they wanted
"because I have this rod in my leg."
And I said, ah-ha.
So here's what's interesting.
While you have accepted fully that this is your body
and you love your body, and you love your body
even with this rod in your leg,
you're still holding the perception of your rod
in your leg as a detriment to the relationship,
as a negative to the relationship
that you want instead of a benefit.
So while it might be
that you love and accept yourself completely,
your perception of you in a relationship is
that this is gonna bring a detriment to the relationship.
I said, "So that is what we need to reframe."
And so if you think about for yourself, what are the aspects
of your circumstance that right now you're holding
as a detriment to a future relationship?
It might be your work situation
and you work super long hours.
It might be where you live or the way you like your house
or the amount of travel that you do, or it might be an STD,
or it might be whatever, there may be something going,
it might be the way your body looks or physicality.
And so so here is a powerful move that you can make to
begin attracting the right person into your life
and actually repelling the wrong person from your life.
And so the concept is this is what if
how can you reframe that idea
so that it's not actually a detriment, but it's a benefit?
What would you need to believe,
what would need to be happening
so that whatever aspect you're thinking
about actually becomes a blessing?
And I'll, and I shared this story, I said,
there was a client of mine who,
she had twin boys and she wanted to be a mom.
She didn't have a partner
she didn't wanna wait for a partner.
So she had in vitro fertilization and she had twin boys.
And then the twin boys became the paradigm for her.
This, oh, I've got a lot of baggage, was her story.
And it wasn't because she viewed her boys as baggage.
She loved her family, she loved her boys,
but a couple of guys that she dated saw that, oh,
I can't have kids with you, and you've already got kids.
That's like, that's a lot of baggage.
So they sent that message and programming to her
and then she decided to own it instead of reject it.
And so that became her perception.
And so we worked on, well,
how could you actually reframe this?
Reframing is such a powerful tool.
How would the right guy,
your partner view the two boys when you really
find the right guy?
And she was like, "Oh my gosh.
"Like he would be grateful that I have these young boys
"because maybe he loves that dad energy.
"Maybe he wants to be a dad to them.
"And that it's actually
"he's gonna view this as a blessing, like an instant family.
"And he's always wanted to have a family
"and an instant blessing
"because now our holidays are gonna be better
"and richer because the kids' energy is infused.
"And vacations bring extra joy and fun
"because these kids and energy is infused in it."
And so I said, begin holding that in mind.
She was wondering whether or not
she should say she had kids on the first date.
And of course she thought she should
because there's, you know, that's important to her.
But there was that question
about whether or not she even should.
And I said, what if you were to hold this
in such an energy that you were proud
of the circumstance that you're in to such a degree,
because on first dates
everyone always leads with their best quality, right?
So what if the frame you held
wasn't that this was a detriment,
but that it was a benefit, and not just a benefit,
but such a benefit that you were so thrilled about it
you were sharing it on the first date.
What would have to happen in you?
And so she began to embody that energy.
And on the first date, share that she had these two kids
as the energy of her was like, oh,
this is the biggest blessing ever.
And so here's what was great.
Every guy that wasn't aligned with that energy,
like ran for the hills because he was like,
I don't want the guys,
but she have ultimately met a man who was aligned
with that energy and met him quickly, frankly.
And he was like, "Oh, like that sounds amazing.
"Like I love that."
And it just bonded the two of them together.
They met, fell in love,
developed this beautiful relationship
and today they are married because of this mental move.
And so I offered that
to the woman that I was coaching at this event.
And I said, "What would it take for you not to view
"for your partner, your leg is a detriment
"but a blessing, a benefit, and a big one at that?
"How could that be a benefit?"
And she was a little bit stuck.
She was like, "Why would my rod and my leg be a benefit?
"Why, how is that adding to the relationship?"
And I had said, "Well, let me ask you this,
"what qualities have you developed
"in your character because of that situation?"
And she goes, "Oh man, I've got amazing resilience.
"I've got amazing courage.
"I've got compassion for what other people have gone through
"because of this journey with this leg."
And I said "Amazing. Interesting, huh?"
What do you think every single person wants
in a partner in their life?
They want someone who is resilient.
They want someone who is strong, because guess what?
Life is coming for you.
Like this life is tough.
There are gonna be storms, there's gonna be winds,
there's gonna be waves that shake things.
And when your world is shaking,
you want a partner who's gonna stand firm with you.
You want a partner who's gonna link elbows
and face that storm together.
There's a whole lot of people who will run
for the hills when things get tough.
And so there's gonna be a man who finds
that hugely valuable that, oh,
you've got this inner strength that's been cultivated
because of the situation you've gone through.
And people want a partner who's developed compassion,
who's developed that skill of acceptance,
who can accept themselves
and the other partner and all their idiosyncrasies.
And so imagine that this man
the person that's right for you, is gonna not
only see those qualities, but value them as such a blessing,
such a benefit that he's gonna be like, you are my woman.
What would it be like to view your leg not as a detriment
but as a blessing to such the degree
that on the first date you actually lead
with sharing what you went through
and who it's helped you become?
You're gonna scare away the wrong guys like that,
but you are gonna magnetize the right guy like that.
And she was like, "Mat,
"I've never even considered that concept.
"Thank you. This has changed my life."
That one idea changed her dating life.
And so for you, as you're thinking about your own life
and the things that you wanna share and the detriments
how do you reframe that?
What if those things could be a blessing?
What if those things end up becoming the things
that your partner values the most in you?
What in your own life right now needs to be reframed
into a blessing
or into something positive, I actually challenge you.
If you'd be willing and brave enough to share
to go brave enough to go deep and post this as a comment.
My question for you is, what aspect
about your love life would be served
by reframing it into the positive?
And what blessing would it bring to your partner's life?
Go ahead and post that below.
I hope this idea serves you,
empowers you on your journey of love.
I'm hoping your amazing love life blossoms
and comes into your life faster than you even imagined.
Thanks for watching, and I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)