(fun jazz music)
- Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen.
It's very nice to be here.
- It really is, isn't it?
- Yes.
(audience laughing)
- Well, tell me, what are we going to do tonight?
- I thought we'd do the ventriloquist bit.
- You don't know anything about ventriloquism.
- Doesn't matter.
Have you got the dummy and the stool, please?
Thank you. - Where do you want it, sir?
- Just there, that's fine.
Lovely.
What's your name? - It's Ed Sullivan.
- You said that without moving your lips!
- Yes.
(audience laughing) - Marvelous!
Thank you very much.
Lovely. (laughs)
Right. - No, no, no, you don't-
No, no that's wrong!
- Oh, is it?
Oh, I've never done it before! (laughs)
That's it.
- You're siting on the stool and you put him on your lap.
- Oh, all right.
- Incidentally, how much does he weigh?
- 32 pounds.
- He used to weigh 38 pounds,
but he's been devalued.
- Yeah. (audience laughing)
(dummy yelps) - Right.
Are you ready? - Yeah.
- Hello, Charlie, how are you?
I'm very well, thank you!
(audience laughing)
- (laughs) And what are you going to do
for us tonight, Charlie?
Well, first of all,
I thought I'd come on and tell a few jokes,
take me jacket off and- - Hey, wait a minute!
I can see your lips moving!
- Yeah, I know, it's me who's doing it for him.
(audience laughing)
He can't do it, he's wood!
He can do nothing!
- You're not supposed to move your lips!
Ventriloquists don't move their lips.
When the dummy talks, you keep your mouth shut.
- Oh, right.
Hello, Charlie, how are you?
(dummy's mouth tapping) (audience laughing)
Are you really?
(dummy's mouth taps)
And what are you gonna do for us tonight, Charlie?
(Dummy's mouth tapping) (audience laughing)
(laughs) Not in front of the ladies and gentlemen,
you're not! (audience laughing)
If I can't- - He's not saying anything!
(audience laughing)
- You told me to keep me mouth shut!
(audience laughing) - You keep your mouth shut,
but you still talk!
- How can you do that?
- You ever seen a ventriloquist?
- I'm never allowed, I'm never allowed to look.
- Out of the corner of your mouth you talk!
It's a special technique.
- Well, do it, show me. - Well, sure.
(audience laughing)
- Are you all right?
- Fine, fine, fine! (audience laughing)
- You're not trying to get off with me, are you?
- No, I'd never do that! (audience laughing)
Loud and clear.
Hello, Charlie, how are you?
I'm very well, thank you!
(audience laughing)
- Who came on then?
Somebody came on then. (audience laughing)
- It was me, I was doing it!
- Do it again!
- Okay. - It was great!
- You liked it? - Yeah.
Now watch him, he's good.
- Hey. (audience laughing)
Hello Charlie, how are you?
I'm very well, thank you!
(hand smacks)
- That's frightening!
He's got a talking thumb!
- No! (audience laughing)
(had smacking) - Now, come on!
- What?
- Let's see you do it, right now!
And we don't wanna see your lips moving.
- Nothing will move.
- Everybody's watching. - All right,
nothing will, I promise you.
Hello Charlie, how are you?
(mumbles) (audience laughing)
Are you really?
(mumbles)
And what are you going to do for us tonight, Charlie?
(mumbles)
(mumbles) (audience laughing)
That's a hard one, that.
I didn't think I'd get that one out!
That's hard to say, that!
- I can't understand a word he's saying!
It's all garbled!
- Garbled, garbled?
- Garbled! (laughs)
What is he, foreign or something?
- No he's not foreign!
He's English, he is!
I made him, and they take the nationality of the father.
I'm English, so he's English.
His mother was a pole.
- [In Unison] His mother was a pole! (laughing)
(audience laughing)
- Sorry! (laughs) (audience laughing)
- You know- - What?
- I can help you with this.
- How, how?
- I can make him into a big star.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
Great! - You know what I'm gonna do?
- No. - I'm gonna go
behind the curtain- - Oh, me neck!
- Sorry! What? (audience laughing)
- I'm gonna go behind the curtain there
and I'm gonna do the talking.
- Oh, yes.
- While I'm talking, I want you to manipulate the dummy
and everybody will think it's you!
- A knockout! - You don't have to worry
about moving your lips.
- Don't worry! - Just ask the questions,
I'll come up with the funnies.
- Great. - Right.
- (laughs) Are you ready? - Yeah.
- Hello Charlie! - I'm very well, thank you!
- How are you?
(audience laughing)
That was a bit quick. - Bit quick?
- Yeah, slow it down then.
Hello, Charlie! - Very well, thank you!
- How you (mumbles)- (audience laughing)
- What's happened?
- It's too fast!
- I'll give you two in. - Two in.
- One.
- Two.
Hello Charlie, how are ya?
- I'm very well, thank you.
- Great, and what are you
going do for us tonight?
- Well, I don't know really,
I haven't decided.
I might do some singing, then again,
I might do some dancing.
I know what I'll do!
I'll do a scene from Shakespeare.
"To be or not to be, that is the question.
"Whether it is nobler in the mind-"
(audience laughing) (dummy's mouth tapping)
(audience applauding)
What are you doing?
- What, what?
- I finished hours ago!
- I didn't know you were gonna say all that!
I've gotta catch up now, haven't I?
Or not to be? (dummy's mouth tapping)
- Look, it's not gonna work!
I can only see the back of his head,
I can't synchronize with his lips.
- I'll turn his flaming head 'round,
does that make any difference?
(audience laughing)
- It's all right for me, but it's no good for the audience!
- Don't worry about them.
They're only here 'cause it's free!
(audience laughing)
- No, no, it's no good.
You've gotta turn his head 'round
so they can see properly!
- Me thumb!
- What? (audience laughing)
- Oh, me thumb!
You fool!
I'll have a thumb that long tomorrow!
(audience laughing)
- Yes, I get emotionally involved.
- Well- - Has he got a good finish?
How's he gonna get off?
- I'll leave him and go.
- You can't-
Can he tell a funny story?
- He doesn't do jokes!
He doesn't lower himself.
- All right, well can he dance?
- He's got a bad leg.
How can he dance with a leg like that?
(audience laughing) - Well, what does he do then?
- He sings! - Sings?
- Yes. - What's his favorite song?
- "When You're Smiling". - "When You're Smiling"?
- Yeah. - All right.
Let's hear that, it's one of my favorites too.
- Are you ready? - Yes.
(mumbles)
(audience laughing)
- When you're smiling!
- Can I put me hand up the back of your coat?
- No! - Oh,
well, sit on me lap.
- [In Unison] The whole world-
- How'd you get that high?
(man without glasses laughing)
- [In Unison] Smile with-
- You! (audience laughing)
- That's it folks, goodnight!
Thank you very much!
(audience applauding) (celebratory music)