It took less than a half a second for Google to come up with almost three million hits
for “paraphrasing tool.” Most of them, however, focus on paraphrasing research in
an essay or speech. Even the Oxford Dictionary focuses on the referencing of literary works.
But we’re focusing on the Language Tip of paraphrasing in an interpersonal communication
setting: While you are still trying to express someone’s meaning in your own words, the
last part of Oxford’s definition is the most applicable to us: “especially to achieve
greater clarity.” This video is focusing on paraphrasing as
a language tip, specifically the basics of what paraphrasing is & why you might use it,
the two main types of paraphrasing, and some considerations on when to paraphrase – and
when not to. Now, if you’re interested in some paraphrasing
techniques like the words you might use to paraphrase, I’ve created a second video
to help with that. What?
But for now, let’s start with what paraphrasing is and why might you use it?
It helps if you know that one of the meanings of the prefix, “para,” is “closely related”
or “closely resembling”—so, paraphrasing would mean closely related to a phrase, or
comment. Okay, in less Greek terms, a “paraphrase”
is a statement that rewords the listener’s interpretation of a message, meaning what
you are rewording is closely related to or resembling the original message—but it’s
not identical. The primary reason for paraphrasing what another
person has said is clarity: You want to make sure you really understand what someone is
communicating. This could involve validating your impression or requesting more information.
But a secondary reason may be that you are letting the other person know that they are
being heard—and that, by itself, can be powerful.
It’s important to recognize several things: First, a lot of meaning comes from what is
not said. What comes out of someone’s mouth may only be a portion of what is going on
in their head. Second, consider that many words could have
multiple meanings. There’s a Frank and Ernest comic by Bob Thaves (I can’t show it to
you as that would violate copyright) with the evil queen from the Snow White fairy tale
being asked by her magic mirror to clarify: “Do you mean ‘fair’ like ‘pretty’
or ‘fair’ like ‘evenhanded?’” And, if your goal is clarification or understanding,
it’s incompatible with judging and analyzing. These qualities (judgment and analysis) are
often communicated nonverbally. For example, if you say, “It sounds like work is getting
difficult right now,” but in a sarcastic or disdainful tone, you’ll likely end up
in an argument rather than gaining understanding of your communication partner’s meaning.
Very quickly, let me add one thing that paraphrasing is not: It’s not “parroting.”
Parroting is repeating back to your partner almost exactly what they said—not putting
it into your own words, but using their words. For example, your friend begs off going to
dinner with you with, “I’d like to go, but I can’t afford it.”
If you respond with, “You’d like to go but you can’t afford it,” you are parroting;
you are using their words and not clarifying anything. Even if you add some words to it,
“So, what I’m hearing you say is that, while you’d like to go, you can’t afford
it,” you are still parroting. If, instead, you say something like, “If
we could find a way to pay for your dinner, would you be willing to come?”
You might get a, “That would be great,” meaning that you correctly understood your
friend’s message. But you might get an answer like, “No. I mean, I can’t afford to take
time away from my work right now.” This is a good time to talk about the two
main types of paraphrasing: Paraphrasing Content and Paraphrasing Feelings.
Think about Content as factual information and Feelings as personal information.
When you are paraphrasing the content, you are checking your understanding of the denotative
meaning of the message—the words themselves. That allows the person to clarify, revise,
or verify the content of their message—just as we did in the previous example. (Sometimes,
when we hear our own words reflected back, that by itself helps us get a different understanding
of the situation we’re discussing.) It could be as simple as, “So, we meet this
Tuesday, the 30th, right? Or is next Tuesday, the 7th?”
But oftentimes we need to make sure we understand how a person is feeling – the emotions or
meanings behind the words. “Things were busy at work today” could be paraphrased
as, “Does that mean you are too tired to go to dinner tonight?” or “It sounds like
you are frustrated right now.” So, while paraphrasing content helps you understand
your partner’s ideas more clearly, when you paraphrase feelings, you are communicating
your understanding of the emotional meaning behind the message. (No surprise that it’s
harder to paraphrase feelings than content.) You’ve probably figured out by now that
a key part of paraphrasing is active listening. You need to give your full attention to not
only what they say but how they say it—considering your communication partner’s nonverbal messages
may be just as important, if not more, than the words they are using.
One last point: Paraphrasing is not always appropriate, so consider when to paraphrase.
Look at the issue: Is it complex or important enough to warrant a paraphrase? “I wonder
when dinner will be ready,” probably doesn’t require a paraphrase.
Realize that paraphrasing takes time, so if you are in a hurry, paraphrasing might not
be appropriate. Evaluate your level of concern for the issue
and, potentially, the other person. When paraphrasing, you must really be sincere.
Related, ask yourself if you are willing to focus on your partner’s message without
injecting your own judgments (verbally or nonverbally).
And, finally, could you be perhaps overusing paraphrasing? Not only does not everything
need to be paraphrased, but, if you do not normally paraphrase, your partner may get
frustrated if you start paraphrasing everything. Now that you understand the basics of what
paraphrasing is (and what it isn’t), as well as the main types of paraphrasing and
considerations relating to when to use it, it’s time to learn some of the techniques.
But, to paraphrase what I said earlier in this video, there is another video focusing
on paraphrasing techniques. I hope you find the content in both videos (this one and the
paraphrasing techniques one) helpful for you and your relationships.