So as we bring our spring
cleaning special to a close,
Angela joins us with a different
perspective on this annual ritual.
Yes, we're doing a lot of thinking about it.
And you know, if you look at
the history of spring cleaning,
people used to heat their homes
with wood and oil and it would leave
residue on the walls and the windows.
So spring is when you would
clean all that stuff off.
So there was this whole
practical reason behind it.
But in many cultures there is a
spiritual component to it as well.
So I thought for 2022 here on new
day I would offer up a new idea.
For spring cleaning,
one that takes care of our home
and our hearts.
Let's face it,
there are some parts of the home we just
don't have the time to clean as regularly.
Or perhaps they're just overlooked.
You know those baseboards or hard to
reach areas like ceiling fixtures and
the dust that lingers can be problematic.
It contributes to allergies
and can contaminate the air.
Sometimes we don't even know
it's causing a problem.
Air reminds me of something
else we all deal with that thing
that someone did to you or said.
That you just have not let go of.
You can't really move on and deep down,
let's say you're not hoping that
they have good fortune so it ends up
being a lot like dust hanging around,
causing issues that you aren't even aware of.
Meanwhile,
mounting medical research shows
holding on to those hard feelings
is dangerous to your health.
Some call it toxic anger.
One published study found an
increase in coronary artery disease.
You see anger and hostility produced,
the stress hormone, cortisol.
That stress suppresses your immune system,
making you more prone to all
kinds of health problems.
So the big question, what do we do,
especially if what happened to you was awful,
how do you do it?
That is the big question,
but first let's make very
clear what forgiveness is.
Not Robert Enright founded the
International Forgiveness Institute.
That is a thing,
and he says forgiveness is
still very misunderstood.
They think that what's really happening
is you're caving in to another nonsense so
that with the with the really saying is.
If I forgive you, I'm going to say what
you're doing to me is OK and I'm going to
have to go back into this relationship
or back to this job and give in and die.
OK, that's not what forgiveness is.
Forgiveness grows up with justice.
That sounds very pretty,
but how do you do it?
OK, I did a lot of research on
this topic in the last week and
the common theme is that true.
Forgiveness requires us to see the
person who harmed us as human and that
can be hard depending on the offense.
To widen their story of who the
other is who hurt this person.
In other words, the one who hurt me
is more than the offences against me.
This is a human being who is faulty as I am,
who commits errors, commits,
injustices, but also might be confused.
Yeah, this is hard work.
Forgiveness may be a choice,
but it does not happen overnight.
It's a process that can take time,
but research has proven it is
definitely worth the effort for
our physical and mental health.
You know when someone harms
us or someone we love.
It has this way of changing us.
Yes, and with spring being a time of renewal,
I can think of no better ritual than
to look at the things around us.
And perhaps in us to make sure that
changes ultimately for the better you.
Wow,
you made me sit up and take notice
today in a way that I hadn't
even realized I needed to.
Yeah, so thank you for that.
Of course it's hard. I mean I go.
I've had my own feelings on this too
and I think what struck me doing
the research is how controversial
the idea of forgiveness is.
It really is when you realize it, like
what he said of it's not.
It's OK for you to do this to me,
but it I get it.
But like you said, like with the dust,
this lingering this because
there are people in my life
that I haven't quite forgiven.
And when you said that,
I realized I haven't.
Yeah, it's like it just it just sits there.
And I I what makes me feel a little
bit better is he said it isn't
like a light switch that you can
just turn it on and turn it off.
It is a process, yeah and so just
being gracious with yourself on that
depending on what you're dealing with.
But I do relate to the idea that
if I let it go and live my life and
is that letting them think it's
OK and that's the hard part. Do
you have to tell that person they're
forgiven? Or can you just forget?
Absolutely not,
and you could still expect?
Depending on what the issue is,
for a punishment to happen.
It just means that you are are
able to let it go and move through.
And see them for who they
are as as humans. When
yeah, when you say it like that,
is that kind of like having
empathy for that person?
Eventually I think so it it's you
know when I use that word empathy,
he didn't actually like say
that was the right word,
but that's kind of how I took it.
It's kind of putting
yourself in the person shoes understanding,
although sometimes it's not
perspective realizing there
right. Yeah, OK, sometimes
you can't do that in certain
situations. But how do you know
if you've forgiven someone?
Ooh, this is a good one, he said
when you can wish them well. Oh
I'm not like I'm not there.
I'm not mad I'm not God, OK I mean
and that's his opinion.
Like I said, this is controversial.
There's some people who have
others who have studied the issue,
have different perspective.
I do think depending on what the issue is,
that's something you can do right.
If it's a coworker who said something,
maybe Chris Rock can wish.
Will Smith. Well,
eventually you know, I hope I mean.
I mean, in this instance I have there's
somebody who I had a situation with I.
I'm not happy with that person still,
but I forgive her.
I just don't wanna be friends though
because she was not healthy for me.
Do you? Do you wish anything bad on her?
No gosh, no good. Yeah,
that's at least in the neutral zone.
Yeah, alright, but there are some people.
We're working, don't wish you well,
no, I'm kidding, kidding.
My goodness, this has been so fascinating.
I just in all the things actually,
that that are kind of ganking
up our minds and our souls.
I thought really spoke to oh God,
and I'm so glad you said that because
I want to mention if you want to keep
doing this work the international
forgiveness and suggests curriculum.
So if you just go online and
maybe I can get them to post
this on the new day website.
But you can go online,
they have curriculum for all
ages and you can just kind
of work through it. I love that.