"GUTFELD!" IS NEXT. ♪ ♪
♪ ♪
>> Greg: YEAH!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, YES, OH,
STOP IT!
STOP AT!
WELL!
THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!
HAPPY WEDNESDAY, EVERYONE.
AND PUBLISHED AHEAD OF THE
HUNTER LAPTOP STORY IS RUSSIAN
TO SIMCO, AND BY THE WAY WHEN I
SAY THAT WE REMEMBER, I DON’T
INCLUDE THE PRESIDENT.
THE LETTER WAS CRAFTED RIGHT
AFTER "THE NEW YORK POST" HAD
PUBLISHED A PIECE ON THE LAPTOP
WHICH HUNTER HAD DROPPED OFF AT
A COMPUTER REPAIR SHOP AND THEN
ABANDONED IT LIKE IT WAS HIS
CHILD.
[LAUGHTER]
IT’S TRUE!
A BABY WITH A STRIPPER.
>> NOT THAT ANYTHING IS WRONG
WITH THAT, NO, NOT AT ALL,
TYRUS!
SO ANYWAY, I KNOW THE FEELING,
MY PARENTS DID THAT WITH ME AT
THE HIGHWAY REST STOPS.
AND I MADE SO MANY NEW FRIENDS.
THAT JOKE MAKES NO SENSE AND I
DON’T CARE.
THE HARD DRIVE CONTAINED TONS OF
STUFF CONCERNING JOE BIDEN’S BUSINESS DEALINGS AS WELL AS ALL
BUSINESS DEALINGS AS WELL AS ALL
SORTS OF SORDID OR IN KAT’S VIEW
ROMANTIC, OF HUNTER DOING DRUGS
AND AND NOT ALWAYS IN THAT
ORDER, BUT THIS LETTER SIGNED BY
50 ODD INTEL EXPERTS APPEARED TO
SAVE JO’S DAY AND BOY, DID IT.
THE STORY WAS BLACKLISTED BY
MAJOR MEDIA OUTLETS AND
SOCIAL MEDIA ALGORITHMS,
MENTIONING THE MOCK, SCORN, OR
SUSPENDED FROM TECH PLATFORMS.
I LIKE GETTING SUSPENDED FROM
THINGS, BUT NOT TECH PLATFORMS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THE REST IS HISTORY, TRUMP LOST
AND NOW WE HAVE THIS.
>> YOU KNOW, THANK YOU FOR
JOINING US AS WELL.
AND FOR FAMILIES ACROSS THE
NATION, YOU KNOW, THIS.
♪ ♪
[APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER]
♪ ♪
>> Greg: IT REMINDS ME OF
THOSE LATE-NIGHT COMMERCIALS
COMMERCIALS WITH SAD DOGS.
[LAUGHTER]
THOSE ARE ALL STUNTED DOGS, BY
THE WAY, BUT IN CASE HE CROAKS,
THEN WE ARE STUCK WITH THIS.
>> REMEMBER VENN DIAGRAMS, THOSE
THREE CIRCLES.
>> VENN DIAGRAM.
>> I LOVE VENN DIAGRAMS.
IT’S BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE AND
DIAGRAMS, THE CIRCLES, THREE
USUALLY.
>> Greg: HER VENN DIAGRAM IS
STUPID AND REALLY STUPID.
SINCE THEN OF COURSE THE LAPTOP
STORY, "THE NEW YORK POST" HAS
BEEN VINDICATED, BUT LIKE
JOE BIDEN’S PRINTER, IT TOO LATE
LATE.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS.
BUT WE HAD TO WONDER, HOW DID
THAT LETTER COME ABOUT?
WHY ARE SO-CALLED INTEL EXPERTS
SO HAPPY TO DISMISS SOMETHING
THEY DID NOT BOTHER TO
INVESTIGATE?
LAST NIGHT TO BRET BAIER, THE
HOST OF "SPECIAL REPORT" AND MY
PERSONAL MASSEUSE ACTUALLY HAD
ONE OF THE LETTER ENDORSERS ON
HIS SHOW, THE CIA OFFICER THAT
WAS A GREAT GET FOR BRIGHT, BUT
ONLY BECAUSE ANGELA LANSBURY WAS
A NO-SHOW.
[AUDIENCE REACTION]
RAP.
BUT THIS WAS HILARIOUS.
>> DAYS BEFORE THE 2020 ELECTION
YOU SIGN ONTO THE OPEN LETTER
THAT WAS PUBLISHED BY POLITICO
AND SAID WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO
SAY THAT THE ARRIVAL ON U.S.
POLITICAL SOIL EMAILS BELONG
UNTIL VICE PRESIDENTS SON HUNTER
TO HIS TIME SERVING ON THE
UKRAINIAN GAS COMPANY BURISMA
HAS ALL THE CLASSIC EARMARKS OF
A RUSSIAN INFORMATION OPERATION.
WHY DID YOU SIGN ONTO THAT?
>> BECAUSE OF WHAT IT SAYS.
IT HAS ALL THE CLASSIC EARMARKS
OF ONE OF THESE OPERATIONS.
YOU WILL NOTE ELSEWHERE IN THE
LETTER THAT IT SAYS WE DON’T
KNOW IF THIS IS A RUSSIAN
OPERATION AT ALL.
>> Greg: SO IT HAD ALL THE
CLASSIC EARMARKS, BUT IT’S NOT
LIKE WE SAID IT’S REAL!
BECAUSE WE DON’T KNOW, RIGHT?
OKAY, SO SINCE WHEN DO 50
MEMBERS OF INTELLIGENCE SUDDENLY
PUT OUT AN URGENT LETTER SAYING
WE DON’T KNOW.
WHEN DOES THAT EVER HAPPEN?
SORRY, 50 PEOPLE DON’T DO
ANYTHING URGENTLY IF THEY HAVE
MISGIVINGS.
I MEAN, THEY ACTED LIKE THEY ALL
GOT FOOD POISONING FROM THE SAME
CHIPOTLE AND WERE RACING TO FIND
A TOILET.
OTHERWISE WHEN PEOPLE AREN’T
SURE OR THEY ARE AMBIVALENT,
WHAT IS THE RUSH?
WHERE’S THE FIRE?
YOU DO NOTHING.
HE POINTS OUT EVEN THOUGH THE
AGENT CLAIMED THEY DID NOT KNOW,
JOE BIDEN USED IT EXACTLY THE
WAY THAT THE AGENTS HAD
INTENDED.
>> THERE ARE 50 FORMER NATIONAL
INTELLIGENCE FOLKS WHO SAID THAT
WHAT THIS HE IS ACCUSING ME OF
IS A RUSSIAN PLANT.
>> YOU MEAN THE LAPTOP IS NOW IN
OTHER RUSSIA, RUSSIA HOAX?
>> THIS IS WHERE --
>> UNDERSTANDING HOW YOU
CHARACTERIZE IT, BUT HE
CHARACTERIZED IT DIFFERENTLY AND
USED IT IN A DEBATE JUST DAYS
BEFORE AN ELECTION.
>> I WILL LET PRESIDENT BIDEN
SPEAK FOR HIMSELF, HE IS CAPABLE
OF DOING THAT.
>> OH, HE IS!
COULD GIVE US ONE EXAMPLE!
THAT’S LIKE SAYING I WILL LET
KERMIT THE FROG SPEAK FOR
HIMSELF.
AFTER JIM HENSON DIED.
JOE ONLY SPEAKS IF YOU FEED HIM
THE WORDS.
LIKE HE DID IN THIS PHONY
LETTER.
BUT MY FAVORITE PART IS THIS.
>> PEOPLE WHO STUDIED BRUSH AND
DISINFORMATION, INTELLIGENCE
OFFICERS WHO LOOK AT TACTICS
OVER THE LONG PERIOD OF TIME,
THIS IS A KIND OF THING THEY
LIKE TO AMPLIFY TO SOW DISCORD
WITHIN TARGET COUNTRIES.
>> Greg: YOU GET THAT?
IT’S RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION EVEN
THOUGH THE INFORMATION IS TRUE
BECAUSE THEY AMPLIFY IT.
THAT’S LIKE BEING CAUGHT IN AN
AFFAIR AND SAYING IT’S TRUE, BUT
BRINGING IT UP MAKES IT FALSE,
SO PLEASE DON’T.
THAT’S WHAT I USE.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT AT LEAST HE DID NOT KEEP
REPEATING HIMSELF.
>> IT HAS ALL THE CLASSIC
EARMARKS OF A RUSSIAN CAMPAIGN,
ALL THE CLASSIC EARMARKS OF A
RUSSIAN INFORMATION CAMPAIGN.
ALL THE CLASSIC EARMARKS OF A
RUSSIAN INFORMATION CAMPAIGN.
>> IT’S LIKE HE IS SAYING
BEETLEJUICE. HOPING THAT LORI LIGHTFOOT
HOPING THAT LORI LIGHTFOOT
ARRIVES TO RESCUE HIM.
>> Tyrus: HOWARD STERN’S
BEETLEJUICE.
>> Greg: THEN HE BLAMES THE
MEDIA AND ANYONE ELSE HE CAN
FIND.
>> IN THE WAY IT WAS
DISSEMINATED AND PROPAGATED
THROUGH THE MEDIA.
>> IT IS TRUE, AND HAD THE
CLASSIC EARMARKS BUT WAS NOT
TRUE?
>> WHAT IS NOT TRUE?
>> THAT IT WAS RUSSIAN
DISINFORMATION.
>> THAT’S NOT WHAT WE SAID IN
THE LETTER, WE DO NOT KNOW IF
THIS IS RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION.
>> IT IS ALL THE CLASSIC
EARMARKS OF A RUSSIAN
INFORMATION OPERATION.
SPEAK OF THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
AN INFORMATION CAMPAIGN AND AD
DISINFORMATION CAMPAIGN, IT’S
NOT MY FAULT THAT PEOPLE DON’T
LOOK AT THE DEFINITIONS.
>> Greg: I’M SORRY, I WAS JUST
LOOKING UP PSYCHOPATH, SO IT’S
OUR FAULT SO THAT WE DON’T KNOW
THE DIFFERENCE, DO YOU BELIEVE
THAT THIS GUY ONCE WORKED FOR AN
OUTFIT THAT HAS THE WORD
INTELLIGENCE IN IT?
I WILL AGREE WITH HIM ABOUT THE
MEDIA, THEY RAN WITH THIS
LETTER, BUT NOT THE LAPTOP LIKE
IT WAS THE TRUTH DESPITE THE
LAPTOP HAVING ENDLESS VIDEOS OF
HUNTER BIDEN’S BUTT AND OTHER
THINGS.
LOOK HOW BLURRY IT IS!
CHECK THAT [BLEEP] OUT.
GO TO A DOCTOR.
ANYWAY, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THEY
WERE EXPECTED TO DO ONCE A
LETTER LIKE THIS FROM 50 EXPERTS
GAVE HIM THE COVER THEY NEEDED,
IT GETS WORSE.
>> HE SAID PLAINLY ON A DEBATE
STAGE THAT OBVIOUSLY AFFECTED
THE DYNAMIC.
DON’T YOU THINK?
>> I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE HER
ALL NEWS MEDIA TO SHOW NUANCE
INSTEAD OF THE SOUND BITES.
>> Greg: DUDE, THERE WERE NO
SOUND BITES, THE FACTS WERE
TAKEN FROM THE LETTER THAT YOU
COROADS WHICH AGAIN YOU [BLEEP]
WITH THE PLAN ALL ALONG!
NO ONE WRITES A LETTER TO BE
IGNORED?
LIKE THE ONES I GET FROM
BRIAN KILMEADE’S LAWYER ALL THE
TIME.
SO THIS IS JUST A GLIMPSE OF WHO
WAS INVOLVED IN THIS FRAUD.
NOW MULTIPLY THIS DIMWIT BY 50,
THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS, YOU
CAN LIE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
AND THERE IS NO CONSEQUENCES.
BUT THAT’S 50 REASONS WHY YOU
HAVE TO GO VOTE AND TAKE CONTROL
OF THE HOUSE, BECAUSE EVERY
SINGLE SIGNER OF THAT LETTER
NEEDS TO BE QUESTIONED JUST LIKE
THAT.
LIKE WHO ASKED THEM TO DO THIS?
WERE THEY PAID?
DID THEY DEDUCT THAT
CONTRIBUTION FROM THEIR TAXES?
BUT I CREDIT THIS GUY FOR
SHOWING HIS FACE IN PUBLIC.
SOMETHING THAT I WISH MADONNA
WOULD STOP DOING.
[AUDIENCE REACTION]
BOTTOM LINE, THEY DID NOT KNOW
HOW TO END THIS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
BUT THE FACT IS WE WOULD NOT LET
THIS KIND OF CRAP SLIDE IN THE
WORKPLACE.
>> LISTEN, JERRY, THE REASON WE
CALLED YOU IN HERE, I DON’T
UNDERSTAND WHY YOU SPENT $950 ON
LAP DANCES.
>> I WILL ADMIT IT HAD ALL THE
CLASSIC EARMARKS OF A LAP DANCE,
BUT I DON’T THINK --
>> LEGAL SENT OVER A VIDEO FROM
FAT TONY’S HOUSE OF HOT LADIES.
SO IT’S TRUE.
BE GOOD TO FIND TRUE, YOU KNOW?
IS truTV TRUE?
HOW ABOUT TRUE DETECTIVE?
YOU REALLY THINK THAT
MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY WAS
SOLVING ALL OF THOSE MYSTERIES?
>> JUST ADMIT IT HAPPENED AND WE
CAN ALL MOVE ON.
>> WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT WAS
I WAS AT THE CLUB, AND THEN
THESE TWO BOUNCERS COME UP TO ME
AND WE START DOING JET SHOTS
LEFT AND RIGHT, I AM UP AT THE
CLUB AND THEY ARE LIKE HOW MANY
YOU GOT, BIG BOY?
AND I’M LIKE I GOT BILLS ALL
DAY, CASH MONEY, CASH MONEY.
AND THEY ARE OFFERING DANCES,
THEY COME UP TO ME AND GET IN MY
FACE AND HOP UP ON THE TABLE,
THEY ARE JUST FUN, THEY GET ALL
UP IN MY FACE.
THEY ARE GIVING ME ALL THE LOVE.
>> IT HAD ALL THE CLASSIC
EARMARKS OF A LAP DANCE.
>> YOU’RE FIRED.
>> AN EARMARK OF A FIRING?
>> REAL FIRING.
[PHONE RINGING]
[APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: WELCOME!
TONIGHT’S GUESTS, SHE WENT FROM
THE NFL TO GIVING LEFTIES HELLO,
MICHELLE TOOK FOIA!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HE IS KNOWN FOR HIS CHARITY WORK
PROVIDING JOBS FOR JAMIE MISHAP,
SCORE OF THE GREAT NEW MOVIE
"THE DADDY DAUGHTER TRIP" ROB
SCHNEIDER!
SHE’S LIKE A TWIT SLUR, SLIM,
SWEET, AND TWISTED, FOX NEWS
CONTRIBUTOR KAT TIMPF.
AND TO HIM, THE GRAND CANYON IS
JUST AN OKAY CANYON, MY MASSIVE
SIDEKICK CHAMPION TYRUS!
ROB, GREAT TO SEE YOU.
>> NICE TO SEE YOU, AND I WANT
TO JAMIE LIZZO BACK, I ALWAYS
COME BACK ONCE MORE.
>> Greg: IT’S BEEN VERY
HELPFUL, AND THE MOVIE COMES OUT
NEXT WEEK?
AT >> Rob: THIS.
>> Greg: IT IS NOT AN ADULT
FILM.
THE DADDY DAUGHTER THING IS VERY
POPULAR ON PORNHUB.
>> Tyrus: HOW DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT IT?
>> Greg: I READ ABOUT IT IN A
PIECE.
>> Rob: THIS WENT SOUTH
QUICKLY.
BUT IT’S COMING OUT IN THE
CINEMARK, THANK YOU FOR HAVING
ME.
AND CONGRATS, AND BY THE WAY, I
WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I DID NOT
WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE THE NUMBER
ONE SHOW BEFORE I APPEARED, BUT
IT DID SEEM TO WORK OUT THAT
WAY.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Greg: I WILL WAIT TO SEE IF
THIS MONSTROSITY WOULD SINK OR
SWIM, AND IT IS SWIMMING, STILL
SWIMMING, THAT’S WHAT I THINK
SWIMMING IS.
THANK YOU, CAN HE KEEP DOING
THIS?
DOESN’T MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE?
SO WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS
WHOLE WHATEVER I JUST SAID?
THIS LAPTOP AND THE STUPID
LETTER?
>> Rob: I’M AMAZED AT THE
RESTRAINT AND THE HONOR OF THOSE
NOT COMING FORWARD.
IT’S REMARKABLE.
YOU REALLY HAVE TO HAND IT TO
THEM.
THEIR INTEGRITY IS MORE THAN THE
CIA GUYS, SERIOUSLY.
>> Greg: THAT’S A GREAT POINT,
BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT THE --
SPEED LIMIT XP WHEN THEY ARE
VERY TRUSTWORTHY.
IT >> Greg: IF A TALKS THAN
SHE NOT A.
SPIN ON WHAT?
>> Greg: THAT’S WHAT MY
GRANDMOTHER SAID.
ANYWAY, WE SHOULD PROBABLY MOVE
ON, THIS WENT SOUTH QUICKLY.
>> Tyrus: HE DID THAT GREAT
DOCUMENTARY STUDYING PIMPS LIFE.
HE WAS A FOR A SECOND.
>> Rob: STILL GET THAT YELLED
TO ME.
THAT’S A HUGE BITCH.
>> Greg: MICHELLE.
>> Michelle: YES.
>> Greg: I APOLOGIZE, I THINK
HE HAS TO COVER FOR THE OTHER
GUYS.
>> Michelle: HERE’S A SENTENCE
THAT GAVE THEM COVER, WE WANT TO
EMPHASIZE THAT WE DO NOT KNOW IF
THESE EMAILS ARE FALSE.
THEY SAY THAT IN THERE, BUT THEN
THEY GO ALONG TO SAY JUST THAT
OUR EXPERIENCE MAKES US DEEPLY
SUSPICIOUS THAT THE RUSSIAN
GOVERNMENT PLAYED A SIGNIFICANT
ROLE IN THIS CASE AND SO THERE
YOU GO.
ON THE ONE HAND THEY WENT OUT OF
THEIR WAY AS YOU SAID TO LABEL
THE LETTER AND 50 PEOPLE TALKING
ABOUT RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION.
BUT WE ARE NOT SAYING THAT IT
IS, BUT BY GOSH YOU SHALL
BELIEVE US, BECAUSE WE HAVE SO
MUCH CREDIBILITY.
IT’S JUST RIDICULOUS.
I MEAN, WHAT --
>> Rob: I DID NOT SAY THAT WE
WERE LOST, I SAID THAT WE HAVE
ALL OF THE EARMARKS THAT YOU WIN
IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.
>> Michelle: RIGHT.
RIGHT.
>> Greg: IT’S TRUE, SO, KAT,
WHAT IS YOUR TAKE ON THIS?
>> Kat: PISSES ME OFF.
THAT GUY CAN GET ON
"SPECIAL REPORT" AND I CAN’T.
>> Greg: WILL STILL HOLD THAT?
>> Kat: DID HE DO A GOOD JOB?
>> Greg: NO, HE DIDN’T ANSWER.
>> Kat: I’M ALWAYS COLORFUL
ABOUT TRUSTING THESE
INTELLIGENCE GUYS, BECAUSE THEY
ARE ABLE TO GET AWAY WITH LYING
SO MUCH EASILY, THEY HAVE TO
LIVE.
IF THEY ARE QUESTION, THEY ARE
LIKE THAT’S A LOT OF SENSITIVE
INFORMATION, SO THEY DON’T HAVE
TO EXPLAIN IT.
OBVIOUSLY NOT, THERE ARE
SOMETHINGS THAT NEED TO BE KEPT
SECRET, AND THERE ARE --
THEY ARE ALWAYS LYING, BUT BASED
ON HOW HUMAN BEHAVIOR WORKS,
THESE ARE THE PEOPLE YOU SHOULD
BE QUESTIONING THE MORE TOOLS
THEY HAVE AT THEIR DISPOSAL TO
HIDE STUFF.
>> Rob: 50 PROFESSIONAL LIARS
CONFIRM THIS IS ALIVE.
>> Greg: THEY ALL CAME FROM
ONE PART OF THE CIA.
AND DEMOCRAT ADMINISTRATION, AND
THEY DID NOT ASK SPECIFICS, THEY
DID NOT JUST DO A BROAD
QUESTIONNAIRE.
>> Tyrus: WHY DO WE KEEP
HEARING NEW WORDS INVENTED FOR
[BLEEP].
EARMARKS?
WE ARE ALL JUST COOL?
IT HAS ALL THE EARMARKS TO!
MY FOLLOW-UP QUESTION WOULD BE
WHAT IS IN EARMARK IT?
I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW, MY EARS
DON’T LEAVE MARKS.
MY FINGERS DO, THIS HAS ALL THE
FINGERPRINTS OF TYPICAL DEMOCRAT
[BLEEP] IS WHAT IT COMES OUT TO.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LIKE YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING, ANY
LIAR CAN SAY ANYTHING.
AND WHEN HE DID WAS HE SAID A
BUNCH OF NOTHING.
COULD HAVE BEEN, MIGHT NOT HAVE
BEEN, NOT OUR FAULT, COULD HAVE
BEEN HER FAULT, MAYBE NOT HER
FAULT, BUT DEAFLY NOT HER FAULT,
THE PRESIDENT USED IT TO WIN AND
ELECTION, NOT HER FAULT.
ALL THE EARMARKS.
IT SO WE NEEDED TO TAKE THE WORD