You can take my bed, Squiddy old buddy.
Well, uh, maybe it won't be so bad
staying here, after all.
Sleep tight. Don't let the sand mites bite.
But if they do just let me know and I'll smash 'em.
[groaning, sniffing]
[sighing]
[snoring]
[grumbling]
Oh, a leaky rock?
Oh, you Titanic twit, get down from there!
I'll smash 'em for ya, Squidward!
Squidward? Where are you?
In your navel.
[grunting]
[gasping]
[giggling] That tickles.
Mm, I feel... needy.
Slaves, fetcheth me some nourishment.
Only the freshest, oh, spooky one.
A grape, fresh from the vine, your ghostliness.
Mm mm mm.
A banana, peeled to your liking, your incorporealness.
One watermelon, fresh from the manure field,
your spookiness.
Art thou not pleased?
Enough of that!
I want something else to eat now!
Something that's very difficult to find.
What do you hunger for, master?
Whatever you want we'll find it. We'll find it.
Cherry pie. Where'd you get that?
I found it.
Well, go find it again.
Now you'll see how a real.. outdoorsman does it.
Here we are, my remote controlled self-assembling tent.
Watch and learn.
That was great, Squidward. But how do you get inside?
Yeah, it's all crushy looking.
It isn't put up yet, you idiots.
[groaning] Huh?
Customization.
Genius.
[grunting]
He's tenderizing the ground.
Of course.
[grumbling]
Write that down. Write that down!
[grunting] Huh?
Voila.
But what could compare
to just lying out under the stars?
[cheering, applauding]
Well, I have worked up an appetite
as big as all outdoors. Time for a little grub.
I suppose you two are going to stew up
some twigs and rocks, right?
[laughing] Nope. We got something even better.
Marshmallows.
Mmm. Just like the astronauts eat.
Patrick to SpongeBob. Patrick to SpongeBob.
Do you read me? Over.
SpongeBob to Patrick, I read you. Over.
Patrick to SpongeBob, I like going...
Over.
SpongeBob to Patrick, me too.
SpongeBob to Patrick, help yourself. Over.
Yummy.
[shattering]
Patrick to SpongeBob, the deliciousness has landed.
Well, you two astronauts can eat marshmallows,
I'm going to have a can of Swedish barnacle balls
just as soon as I can get my can opener.
Squidward, did you take a can opener
when you hiked out here?
Why would I bother? We're ten feet from my house.
But this is the wilderness.
It just doesn't seem to fit the camping spirit.
Pretty wienie.
All right, all right. Give me a marshmallow.
[shrieking]
Let me escort you to my place, my good sir.
We'll need to start with personal grooming
for your grownup makeover.
[snapping] Sounds good to me.
We may have to find you some new clothes as well.
New clothes?
To go along with your new beard,
which makes you look very distinguished.
Distinguished.
Alright. Distinguished.
Yeah. [chuckles]
Excuse me. Grown-ups do not high-five.
Oh, right.
[laughing]
So, um, what do you guys think? Sweet duds, huh, Patrick?
They sure are.
[clearing throat]
For a baby.
Well played, Patrick. Well played.
I'll take your hat and cane, sir.
Why certainly.
Enjoy your evening, gentlemen.
Oh!
[humming]
Oh, no.
Appetizers.
Oh, boy! Eats!
Yum! Yum! Yum!
And we also have milk and cookies.
Oh! Are those chocolate chip cookies?
- Can I have- - Patrick!
I'm sure you'd rather have
some tetrazzini we grown-ups ordered, right?
Duh, yeah, Squidward.
I'm frankly shocked they serve such elementary fare here.
Indeed.
And my personal favorite piece is this lovely statue
from the Reef-aissance Era-
- Boring. - Boring?
Oh, ah, no. I said "flooring".
The flooring compliments the artwork here exquisitely!
Okay, one Krabby Patty and one room with cheese.
Oh, and can I get cheese on the Krabby Patty, too?
Patrick, you only live 400 yards away.
Why do you want to check into a hotel?
Sometimes I just need to get away from it all.
[ringing] Wow, this hotel has everything!
Gimme that! Now sign the register.
I didn't know there would be a test.
I didn't study! [crying]
Patrick, all you have to do is write your name.
Oh, okay.
Do you mind?!
Don't look!
Done!
Close enough. Here's your room key.
I'll need some help with my bags.
How can you have bags?!
You just found out this is a hotel!
This is a hotel?
[groaning] SpongeBob!
Yes, Squidward?
Take Patrick and his bags to his room.
What about my Krabby Patty?
And bring him a Krabby Patty.
Squidward, you can take Patrick's bags up to his room.
SpongeBob, you go make the Krabby Patty.
Oh, Mr. Krabs!
What's the matter? Afraid of a little manual labor?
"I'm Squidward and I have to work for a living.
Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo."
Fine. Let's go, Patrick.
[grunting]
This elevator is for guests only.
Take the employee elevator.
[screeching]
[dinging]
[grumbling]
What's in these bags, rocks?
Hey, these are rocks!
Why is your suitcase full of rocks?
I don't tell you how to live your life!
Well, here's your room.
Wow.
Enjoy your stay.
Squidward, wait!
Keep up the good work
and there'll be more where that came from.
Your Krabby Patty, sir.
Hey, Squidward. Cool rock.
Hold on a second, SpongeBob.
Here you are, my good man.
Why, thank you, Patrick!
There's plenty more where that came from,
my good friend.
You know how hard Tic-Tac-Toe is?
And how it always takes so long to play?
Uh-huh.
Yeah! Well, I made it easier, and faster.
[sighing] I know I'm gonna hate myself
for saying this, but... whadda you got?
It's called... Tic-Tac!
You start with two lines that are crossed
and then the first person puts an "X"
and then the next person puts an- uh... uh...
"O"?
Oh yeah, an O, and the first person
to get two in a row draws a line through them
and says TIC-TAC!
YOU START!
- Tic-Tac. - Uh... best two out of four?
Tic... and... Tac.
I should've gone with my first idea, "Tic."
Squidward I got a new game!
It's called Rock! Paper! Butter!
Butter invent a different game! [laughing]
Squidward, I got it. Who's rope is longer? You-
Aw... you played this before.
The one sure fire thing to make your best day ever
the best day ever.
Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing,
jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing,
jellyfishing, jellyfishing.
This is Jellyfish Fields where wild jellyfish roam
just waiting to be captured.
[buzzing]
No, no, Squid, over here.
I know you're eager, but you don't even have your net.
Patrick, fix him up
while I find him a good specimen.
Firmly grasp it in your hand.
Firmly grasp it.
Firmly grasp it!
[groaning]
That oughta do it.
[buzzing]
There's one in position.
Ready... set... go!
[cheering]
So what are we gonna do tonight, best friend?
Well, I was gonna practice my clarinet solo.
Clarinet? I love music.
Ah, who needs 'em?
They're no fun anyway. Right, Gary?
Gary?
[knocking]
Squidward will be performing his version
of solitude in E minor.
Yeah, E minor, alright, yeah!
[snoring]
Looks like number six has this race all wrapped up,
ladies and gentlemen.
Come on, Snelly! It's all you, baby!
Oh, Gary, I'm sorry.
What didn't you just say I was pushing you too hard?
[meowing]
You did? Oh, Gary, why didn't you tell me I wasn't listening?!
[meowing] You did?
Oh, Gary! Oh! Gary!
[meowing]
What?
Gary?
[purring]
Oh.
Awe.
[chuckles] My, oh, my.
Folks, I have never seen anything quite like this.
It seems Snelly, the leader, just went back to comfort Gary.
Looks like you and I are in-laws. Eh, Squidward?
But that's impossible. If Smelly didn't win, then...
And the winner is Rocky!
[whistle blowing, crying]
[cheering]
I can't believe it.
My purebred, which cost me $1,700,
lost to a rock.
Don't worry, Squidward,
I know how much you wanted to win,
so I had the trophy engraved to you.
Gosh, Patrick, thanks.
"The 1st Place Snail Racing Cup Presented to Squidward...
Tortellini?! Will I ever win?
[screeching]
Uh, yeah. [imitating screech]
Now if you'll excuse me.
What shall I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey,
the soup, the canned meat?
Why don't you ask... the Magic Conch, Squidward?
Oh, yeah, like that'll happen.
Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.
[gasping]
Squidward, are you questioning
the authority of the Magic Conch?
The conch is the one who gave us this banquet!
This copyrighted conch is the cornerstone
of our organization.
[whispering] Maybe he's not a brother.
[chuckles] Hey, you guys have it all wrong.
I love this, uh, piece of plastic.
Uh, hello there. Magic Conch, uh, I was wondering...
uh, should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?
Neither.
Oh, then how about the soup?
I don't think so.
Could I have anything to eat?
No.
No?! What do you mean no?! I'm starving here!
Here, let me try!
Magic Conch, could Squidward have
some of this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?
No.
Hmm... Could I have this yummy, delicious,
super-terrific sandwich?
Yes.
All right!
[burping] Sorry, Squidward.
Give me that! Could I have something to eat?!
No.
-Could I have something to eat?! - No.
Can't you say anything else but no?!
Try asking again.
Can I have something to eat?
No.
[groaning, grumbling]
Squidward, are you all right?
[grumbling]
Maybe we should ask the shell if he's okay.
Hello? Anyone there? Hello? Hello?!
[gasping]
[buzzing]
Do you folks need some help?
[gasping] I'm saved!
You don't know how happy I am to see you!
I have been stranded out here for weeks
with these two barnacle heads and their Magic Conch Shell!
Magic... Conch Shell? You mean like this?
The Magic Conch! A club member!
[screeching]