So in my head, I was like, OK, I'm going to accept Christ in front
everybody right now, then I'm going to go home and snort drugs until I don't
want to do them anymore and that was my way of thinking.
So I received Christ at the church.
I went home, neglected my daughter and put her in front of the TV.
I remember I grabbed $100 bill.
I always used $100 bill for some reason--
pride or something.
I chopped up my crystal meth, got it all smooth and powdery and I snorted a
big old line and I held the bill and I looked up and I said, Jesus, if you're
real like that pastor said, then you got to take these drugs from me.
Come into my life.
Come into my heart and I just got quiet.
I said, search me right now.
Search my heart and I stayed silent and I said, you know I want to quit.
You know I want to be a good dad for this kid.
She lost her mother to drugs and she's going to lose me if I don't quit.
Amen.
There's a high when you go onstage and you see all these people loving your
music and loving you and stuff and there were these girls and all these
people going--
worshipping me.
When you see all those people just going nuts for you it's like it puffs
you up inside.
You're like, I'm important.
That's where drugs can creep in and--
cocaine or whatever.
Methamphetamine's crept in and it all came from after drinking for me and
and my friends and it seems like fun in the beginning.
It's a lie because it turns around on you, starts to wear on your
personality, starts to wear on your relationships and everything is
affected by it negatively--
everything.
There was a few times where life seemed good.
My daughter Jeanne, she came into the world and it was just
such a euphoric feeling.
I thought my life could just feel like that forever.
It was like a-- it was spiritual.
I didn't know what was happening.
I just felt so much love just fill my emotions and I thought I was going to
be happy, but I just couldn't stay sober.
I didn't know how.
I hit rock bottom.
I had swore that I would never do methamphetamines again because I saw
what it did to my child's mother.
It just took her feelings away and made her leave her kid.
I just wanted her dead.
I wanted to kill her.
I thought she was the scum of the earth and how can she do drugs like
that and let the drugs win her like that?
So I never was going to do meth again.
I ended up with an every day crippling addiction to methamphetamine and
everything that I said about my ex-wife came true for me.
I sunk to the lowest gutter I could ever think of.
I would spend time with my kid and I would still be on it because I needed
it to function.
I'd get up in the morning, have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and
snort meth and then take her to school or whatever.
It was just--
I was a junkie.
I started losing my mind.
This guy would show up at my house with a gun and stuff and then I ran
out in Europe, had my drug dealer send me drugs through the mail.
Tweaked out in my hotel room, watching this package come from the US.
It's just nuts.
My life just was spinning out of control.
Jeanne had come out on one of the tours in the US.
I just remember her skipping around the house, singing one of our Korn
songs called Adidas.
All day high, dream about sex-- and I'm going, what am I doing?
I'm a junkie.
My daughter's singing, all day I dream about sex and I'm going to die.
Father?
My real estate broker Eric, he said, Brian, I don't mean to be weird with
you and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I felt the scripture
jump out at me.
I've never done this before so I don't really know how to do this, but I felt
like this would mean something to you.
It's Matthew 11:28--
come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
I remember all tweaked out, I looked up in the dictionary weary.
I looked up burdened.
I just pulled the scripture apart.
I was like, I'm weary and burdened and I need rest for my soul and--
I didn't know if it was real, but they invited me to church a couple weeks
later and I'd received Christ at the church.
I went home, neglected my daughter, got it all smooth and powdery--
Jesus, you got to take these drugs from me.
Search me right now.
Search my heart.
Father?
I felt so much fatherly love from heaven and it was like, I don't
condemn you.
I love you.
Just love, love and instantly, that love from God came in to me.
It was so powerful that the next day, I threw away all my
drugs and I quit Korn.
I was like, I'm quitting Korn and I'm going to raise my kid because my kid--
like, I got the love from God coming to me and then it came
out of me to my kid.
It changed me.
My heart was changed like that and I was like, Jeanne, daddy's going to be
home with you all the time.
I'm quitting my career and her face lit up and she's like, for me?
She felt so special and God used her to save me, to save her life later on.
My dream came true way more than I dreamt about.
I made more money.
I played bigger shows.
I mean, houses, cars.
I tried drugs, I tried sex, I tried everything to try to get pleasure out
of this life and I thought that I could fulfill my life with all this
stuff, by having my dream come true and it came true, but it didn't
fulfill it.
When Christ came in, that feeling he gives you, the gift of understanding
life, which is everything was created for Christ and by Him and we're
created to be with Him and it's the most incredible feeling because you're
where you belong and contentment is given to you in life because you don't
have to look anywhere else and you're exactly where you need to be and the
question about life is answered.
I'm Brian Head Welch and I am second.