have you ever hidden your success or maybe the achievements of your children from friends and
family knowing that they will simply try and cut you down to size or maybe do friends family and
colleagues ever put you down or shut you out of their lives through jealousy of your success well
today let's talk about the tall poppy syndrome and why other people may want to see you fail
if you're new to my channel i'm sue blackhurst and i bring the world of social psychology
into everyday language now if you're fascinated by human behavior and you want to know more about why
people behave the way that they do then subscribe to my channel now as my next video might be all
about you and if you're struggling with confidence and self-esteem and you feel unsure about your
purpose in life take a look at my website to find out more about who i am and what i do and
now has to be the most perfect time to download my free book how to reframe self-critical thoughts
the links are in the description box below okay so imagine the scene you're looking out over
the most beautiful field full of poppies and all glowing in the sunshine but there in the middle
is that one poppy that has grown above all the others and stands taller than all the rest
now there's hundreds of poppers in the field but your eyes are only drawn to the tallest poppy now
go with me on this because what do you think the other poppies think and feel about this tall poppy
do they all look at that one singular poppy that stands head and shoulders above all the others
and encourage it to grow even taller and stronger or do they want to simply cut it back down to size
tall puppy syndrome is that same set of emotions but it's with people because it's when that one
person stands out in the crowd making those around them feel that they want to you know bring them
back down to size but the sad thing is though that it's not envy because envy involves looking
at someone and maybe disliking them because you either want what they have or what they do
tall poppy syndrome is more about wanting to end the other person's success the expression is far
more common in australia and new zealand but the concept behind it is well known
and felt worldwide human beings have this unique ability to either make or break someone else one
day we're awarding medals and placing people on podiums and holding massive award ceremonies but
then the next day we struggle to appreciate their success and appearance or status and feeling that
they're taking all the glory we have this innate need to want to stop them from growing any further
the logic behind the name tour poppy syndrome is the same feeling of wanting to cut that singular
poppy to blend in with all the others and it's a sad part of today's social culture
whether it's school college or in work there's this real mixed view of success
school pupils want to do well but getting the top reward for grades isn't anywhere near as
cool as the one who gets the medal on sports day and we're surrounded by examples of tall
poppy syndrome all over social media because people like and comment on the pages of people
that they don't feel threatened by but the same or similar photo photo or comment from someone
seen this competition evokes this tall puppy syndrome meaning that they don't acknowledge
the post as in the back of their mind there's this tiny voice saying who do they think they are
schools and workplaces are always creating giving out awards for everything you know from good
behavior to good work but the recipients feel that they're not allowed to celebrate in style because
they're in fear of being mocked by others and therefore isolated
but in our daily lives we're all trying to do better and stand out from the crowd
but in the back of our minds we all know that there are repercussions to being successful
well the tall poppy syndrome creates two distinct consequences the first being the natural tendency
for people not to allow others to stand out from the crowd by criticizing what they do and almost
rubbishing their talent and achievements because if we stop them from growing they will never be
able to make us look smaller and the second consequence is that it teaches people to be
afraid of standing out as it places them in the firing line for rejection and being ostracized
from friends and colleagues so what they do well those who lack the confidence to challenge the
social norm will keep a low profile and they'll probably end up giving up and those who do have
the confidence will as susan geoff's quote says feel the fear and do it anyway sadly
the workplace has become a toxic environment due to the behavior as you know let's call them the
poppy cutters and studies have been conducted that show that the psychological health of women in the
workplace who are deemed to be the tallest poppy is being negatively affected by interactions with
both superiors and colleagues as this successful women experience you know some form of hostility
they feel they're being cut down due simply to their success and achievements it's also been
found that tall poppy syndrome in the workplace leads to withdrawal mental breakdown self-doubt
depression insomnia anxiety and overeating amongst many other mental health issues but the good news
is that hr professionals are now beginning to look at how tall poppy syndrome affects employee mental
health satisfaction and retention when people mock you we do tend to take it personally and to heart
and we judge ourselves negatively but in reality the issue at play is not actually criticism
it's all about projection because the poppy cutters look at the tallest poppies with feelings
of inadequacy insecurity fear jealousy and anger all of which lead to a desire to cut others down
but it's their own negative feelings that being projected onto the source of their discomfort
being the tallest poppy the syndrome however only flows in one direction because the tall poppies
have no intent or desire to make anyone else feel inferior but just knowing that the attack
isn't personal doesn't actually make dealing with people's unkind comments or behaviors any easier
so here are three pieces of advice for all those tall poppies out there number one
don't accept their feelings no matter how hard you try you cannot cut a poppy with words or actions
so remember that others are trying to cut you down with all the things that cannot touch or harm you
think of it this way if someone tries to give you a box full of you know bad things why would
you ever accept it you not only don't want it you don't actually deserve it and if you don't accept
the box it remains the property of the person who filled it so no matter how inquisitive you
are to find out you know what others think and what people are saying to you don't open
the box so if you feel you'll be introduced to anything at all that's negative simply walk away
switch off or delete it and tell yourself it was never meant to be yours in the first place
number two do what makes you happy if every person stopped the point where someone tried to cut them
down the world wouldn't have half the businesses or brands that we have today the list is actually
quite endless because every single item on every shelf or every showroom out there be online and
we know you know bricks and mortar property was once a concept and its success meant somebody
had to ignore all those who tried to cut them down so you need to carry on and do what you want to do
and as long as you're not hurting anybody else listen to those who offer genuine support but
be proud of your achievements regardless of what other people may think or how it makes them feel
and number three don't waste time fighting back
your energy is a finite resource and when it comes to haters critics and toxic people most of the
time it's just not worth your time and effort to fight back argue or even try and defend yourself
because your time is far better spent just getting on with the business of being you and creating
your great and amazing work in the world because the way it's react or perceive you and your
accomplishments is actually beyond your control so remember that the tall poppy cannot hide
so embrace who you are what you've achieved and don't look back on those trying to cut you down
you need to look up at those who have grown taller and see how much further you can personally grow
so are you one of the men and women who say that they've lost a sense of purpose
and confidence because they fear failure when in fact the majority of women have lost who they are
because they fear success self-confidence is known that you can cope with whatever
or whoever you are facing with the ability to control your own thoughts and emotions
there are ways to change and find the confidence to not only be successful but also to be happy and
there is no better time to invest in yourself than now so if you'd like to work personally with me on
my nine-week transformation program then read the testimonials in the link in the description box
below and then book a live call with me to find out what you will be able to achieve this year
i know so many names but not faces so i really do hope that we can work together very soon
thank you so much again for watching don't forget to like comment and share and if you
haven't already subscribed why not do it now do take care and i will see you all next time