The Cherry Tree! Who said, "I cannot tell a lie?"
Nixon? Who said "I cannot tell a lie?"
Clinton? We're back with the answer. "I cannot tell
a lie" is attributed to a young George Washington asked if he'd chopped down the cherry tree!
"Timber!" George, do you know who killed that beautiful,
little cherry tree yonder in the garden? I can't tell a lie, Pa. I did cut it with
my little hatchet.
Take that!
Uh oh!
George, somebody cut down my new cherry tree.
Father, I cannot tell a lie. I cut down the cherry tree with my hatchet.
I'd rather have a son who is truthful than a whole orchard of cherry trees.
And the story of young George and the cherry tree.
Timber!
Didst thou chop down yon cherry tree?
Couldst be!
Like I always say, "Honesty is the best policy!"
And that's why I cannot tell a lie. I cut the cherry tree. Don't make me yawn.
Admit it, it was me! You won't even cut the lawn!
True, for I cannot tell a lie. Give me a break!
My teeth are mine. That's partly true.
See how they shine! You get splinters when you chew!
True, for a cannot tell a lie! How lovely!
And remember that old story about me and that cherry tree?
Why, I didn't chop it down; I chewed it down! And that's the truth!
You must forgive me for not believing your fanciful tale . I should have known you could
never tell a lie. To recreate one of the great moments in American
history, George Washington, of course, chopping down the cherry tree. Unfortunately, Mr. Washington
is 234 years old and, of course, dead. But we were able to get another great American
to help us recreate this: Ladies and Gentlemen, Jefferson.
General, you've always been an abject (sic) lesson to every school child. They've reade
that storuy about how you said, "I cannot tell a lie. I chopped down the cherry tree."
Was it some kind of inner strength, an inner power, that kept you from lying?
Well, it's all in my new book. You can find out what really happened for $12.95.
That's strange advice from you. Strange?
Your suggesting I tell a lie. It's that blasted fable about the cherry tree again.
[Laughter].
What's your name? George Washington.
Are you the fellow that chopped down the cherry tree?
No, I ain't worked in a year and a half. What kind of talk is that from a man who chopped
down a cherry tree. And never told a lie. Listen, if they believe that cherry tree
story, they'll believe anything. Be honest, Abe. You don't buy that fairy tale
about Georgie chopping down the cherry tree, do you?
You know, "I cannot tell a lie", and all that goody goody baloney?
George Washington. I'm sick of stories of him and his damn cherry tree.
Hey, Washington, you tree killer. How 'bout some cherry pie?
Hey there, George Washington. What's up there, Thomas Jefferson?
I was just wonderin' if you had any more of that there cherry pie left?
I cannot tell a lie; I ate the whole thing! Whoa, mercy!
Father, I cannot tell a lie. I chopped down the cherry tree.
Son, I cannot tell a lie. I'm gonna whoop yo' ass!
Miss Mayonnaise, I cannot tell a lie. I cut down this cherry tree with my little hatchet.
I see. What are you doing?
You can be the father of your own country. I'm outta here!
George Washington was the first, you see, he once chopped down a cherry tree.
"Timber!"
Then there's young George Washington and that cherry tree.
Sorry, George Washington. No cherry tree for you!
George, did you chop down my cherry tree?
I cannot tell a lie, Father. It pulled a knife on me!
I am George Washington! Now, I'm gonna chop you just like I did that cherry tree!
Oh, cherry tree; you are so pretty!
Say hello, George.
Of all our founding persons, which one said, "I cannot tell a lie."
George Washington! Good, Mikey. Now let's all turn to page 112,
which gives lie to the whole cherry tree myth. He was George Washington, and she was the cherry tree.
Who was George Waqshington Carver?
The guy who chopped down the cherry tree. NO, the guy who chopped up George Washington?
Really? Wow! Touch my niece, and I'll have George Washington
chop offyour cherry tree! Taylor, remember now. You are young Washington,
and ... Alright, the hatchet. Where's the hatchet?
You don't have it? Well, who's got the hatchet? I'll go get it.
Ha, ha, I hear you're pretty handy with one of these.
I cannot tell a lie. I'm going to chop your as ...
I cannot tell a lie: you are hatchet city, man.
Ohhhh... I cannot tell a lie: 'tis tasty!
Did you chop down a cherry tree? I chopped down a cherry tree.
It is George Washington! I cannot tell a lie.
I cannot tell a lie! I cannot tell a lie: you are a worthy opponent!
I cannot tell a lie! I cannot tell a lie!
I cannot tell a lie. I cannot tell a lie.
I cannot tell a lie, folks. Kia's chopping down prices!
Hurry in! I cannot tell a lie, my ass!
I cannot tell a lie! I cannot tell a lie.
I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little cherry tree!
Do you know whose picture that is? I think Abraham Lincoln.
That's George Washington. He never told a lie in his whole life!
Dad, who's on Mt. Rushmore? Well, there's Abe Lincoln. He chopped down
the cherry tree. It's George Washington's birthday, and I cannot
tell a lie: the previous statement was false. It's February the 22nd, and I can't tell a lie!
Happy birthday, Father of our Country who
never told a lie ... I cannot tell a lie: this is a great deal!
The most famous Presidential quote of all time.
What is, " I cannot tell a lie"? No, I'm sorry.
What is, "Four score and seven years ago"? No, I'm sorry.
What is, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman"? That is correct!
[Wild applause!]