LET'S GET RIGHT INTO IT, TODAY WAS DAY NUMBER TWO OF BRETT
KAVANAUGH'S SUPREME COURT CONFIRMATION HEARING.
AND LIKE YESTERDAY, IT WAS DISRUPTED BY DOZENS OF
PROTESTORS.
SO FAR CAPITOL POLICE HAVE ARRESTED MORE THAN A HUNDRED
PEOPLE, MORE THAN 100 PEOPLE ARRESTED IN WASHINGTON D.C.
AND FOR ONCE NOT ONE OF THEM WORKED FOR DONALD TRUMP.
(LAUGHTER) AMAZING.
NOW SOME OF THE PROTESTORS DRESSED IN COSTUMES RESEMBLING
HAND MAIPPEDS FROM THE HANDMAID'S TALE.
AND IT HAD AN EFFECT IT DELAYED THE HEARING FOR SIX HOURS WHILE
THE SENATE CAUGHT UP ON SEASON TWO.
(LAUGHTER) A LOT OF THEM DON'T HAVE HULU.
NOW HERE'S THE THING.
IF THESE PROTESTORS REALLY WANTED TO GET TRUMP'S ATTENTION,
THEY SHOULD HAVE JUST PUT ON NFL UNIFORMS AND TAKEN A KNEE.
IT WOULD BLOW THEIR MINDS.
NOW THIS HEARING IS SUPPOSED TO GO ON FOR ANOTHER COUPLE OF DAYS
IT IS VERY IN DEPTH.
SENATORS ARE QUESTIONING CAV KAVANAUGH ON GUNS AND ABORTION
AND WHY HE LEAKS LIKE THE FLUSTERED DAD ON EVERY SITCOM
FROM THE '90S.
(LAUGHTER) MOVING ON, ROBERT MUELLER'S
RUSSIA INVESTIGATION SLOWLY MARCHS FORWARD.
YESTERDAY IT WAS REPORTED THAT HE HAS AGREED TO ACCEPT SOME
WRITTEN ANSWERS FROM DONALD TRUMP INSTEAD OF INTERVIEWING
THE PRESIDENT IN PERSON.
PRESIDENT TRUMP REFERS PREFERS TO HANDLE HIS QUESTIONING IN
WRITING SO THAT HIS ANSWERS CAN BE MORE THOUGHTFUL, MORE
COHERENT-- (LAUGHTER)
LIKE HIS TWITTER, YOU KNOW?
BUT THIS IS HIS STORY.
THIS MARKS THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS TRUMP HAS WRITTEN
SOMETHING BY HAND THAT WASN'T A CHECK FOR A PORN STAR.
(LAUGHTER) IT'S TRUE.
NOW MUELLER'S TEAM HAS ALREADY RECEIVED SOME OF TRUMP'S
ANSWERS.
NOW I DON'T KNOW IF GETTING IT IN WRITING WAS THE BEST IDEA.
HERE'S WHAT TRUMP HAS GIVEN THEM SO FAR.
ON THIS ONE HE JUST WROTE WITCH-HUNT.
AND HE WROTE THAT IN MACARONI AND GLITTER.
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE OF HIS WRITTEN ANSWERS.
IT SAYS DO YOU INDICT ME.
CHECK YES, NO, MAYBE.
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF THIS ONE.
IT JUST SAYS TWO BIG MacS, TWO FILET O FISH, CHOCOLATE
MILKSHAKE NO COLLUSION.
AND WE HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS, A PRESCHOOL IN CHINA IS
UNDER FIRE AFTER HOLDING A WELCOME CEREMONY THAT FEATURED,
GET THIS, A POLE DANCER.
A PRESCHOOL.
DON'T BELIEVE ME, TAKE A LOOK.
>> (LAUGHTER)
THERE HAS TO BE BE A BETTER WAY TO SHOW KIDS HEADS, SHOULDERS,
KNEES AND TOES.
THERE MUST BE.
NOW OBVIOUSLY PARENTS COMPLAINED.
THEY SAID THAT PRESCHOOL SHOULD BE ABOUT HOPE AND DELIGHT AND
THE SCHOOL SAID EXACTLY.
THE NEXT TWO WOMEN ARE NAMED HOPE AND DELIGHT.
AND FINALLY, I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU A STORE HEE FROM MY
HOMELAND, TO CELEBRATE THE TOUR OF BRITAIN BY GRACE THE PEOPLE
OF DEVON IN ENG LAND CREATED THIS GIANT MOUNTAIN SIZE SKULL
TURE OF A BICYCLE.
HEAR IT IS HERE.
BUT YESTERDAY SOME OTHER PEOPLE TRANSFORMED THE BIKE INTO-- TAKE
A LOOK.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
THEY TURNED THE BIKE INTO A GIANT PENIS.
AND IN HONOR OF THE CYCLES THE TESTICLES WERE DRAMICALLY SHRUNK
FROM YEARS OF STEROID ABUSE.
BUT THIS WHOLE TOWN CAMING TO TO PUT IN THE WORK AND PLANNING TO
MAKE A GIGANTIC BEAUTIFUL BIKE SKULL TURE IN HONOR OF A
HISTORIC RACE AND ONLY IN BRITAIN WOULD TWO GUYS BE
LIKE-- I RECKON WE CAN TURN THAT INTO A PENIS.
THEY'RE GOING TO KEEP THE SCULPTURE THE WAY ST.
THE DOWN SAYS THEY STILL SUPPORT THE TOUR AND THEY REALLY LIKE
THE ORIGINAL SCULPTURE BUT THE NEW ONE, IT IS JUST WAY MORE FUN
TO RIDE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.