What's up, beautiful people? It is your homegirl, Shameless, all up in your building.
You know the deal: school first, homework, then you can watch the video. You got to work, and then you got to reward yourself.
Anyway, I missed you guys!
I need to do this because every time I get like, real nitty-gritty, it's a voice over wih Jay Ellyiot's beats and boo-hoos.
And I am so grateful for having you guys in my life. Thank you so much.
Because of you, I am growing and discovering more of myself. And I hope that my videos are helping you out too.
I don't know about you guys, but around this time of the year we all get sentimental.
Self-reflection, you know, we take a look at what's going on in here.
I'm kind of down because I'm like 'what's the next step?'
So I'm wondering if any of you guys feel that way. Let me know, comment below.
But that's what I've been feeling just before the holidays, during the holidays. I was very lost, very like, 'what am I doing with my life, you know? I'm a slave to these numbers!'
I don't like it, so I'm checking out, guys, sorry!
I love you guys, I'm so grateful--I am not checking out.
But when I started this YouTube channel, I was living! I spent my whole life living.
I did a lot! I traveled a lot, I created with my hands a lot, I renovated, I re-upholstered my couch.
I was just doing a lot of things. A lot of stuff.
And then I started to hear buzzes of things happening online.
I never really went on YouTube unless I was searching for how to do electrical work in my ceiling lights, because I was a DIY girl.
Then I went online and then I was like, I have a lot to share because I've been doing so much stuff. So I did that.
Then the comments regarding the hair, the makeup, the clothing--all of these things started to come up.
And I went with it because I'm very open minded. I like to try things out; I'm a yes girl.
I've been doing that for a little over a year and a half. And now it's very, highly saturated online.
Everyone's on Instagram, everyone's on YouTube, everyone's on Twitter, Facebook... and it's a lot of voices.
And sometimes it's hard for me to think clearly when I have all these voices.
And I spent my whole life without those voices. The only voice that I had was this voice of negativity,
of self-doubt, of fear, of shame. Blah.
But it's just like, 'what do I want?'
It's hard for me to focus on what I want and making my efforts on that, because when you become a
YouTuber--which is what I am now, which I never intended but I'm grateful for this opportunity--was you get paid based on views, like how many views you get.
So then it becomes this game of trying to get more views. It's just a numbers game, and I don't like that.
But I guess it's how the world is operating these days. It never used to be like this.
People are getting caught up. They just want the numbers, and they're not focused on the quality.
It's just about quantity, pump--this is like mass consumerism. Like cray cray.
I think there needs to be a healthy balance.
I think those things work. But I think for me especially, I just need to focus. And it's really hard to focus when I have hundreds of thousands of voices.
But I do appreciate that. And that's not to say stop telling me what to do; that's just a sign for me to be like, 'Maya you need to do you, boo.'
And I got to check out of this social media stuff. I have to reserve it to like, once a day.
Lunch, maybe?
I was feeling down because I lost sight of what it is that I want, what was my intention, what was my purpose.
And then also comparing myself. It's really hard with social media to not compare yourself, especially when you see people are doing really well.
You're like, 'Meh!' I'm guilty of it.
But every time I see someone doing really well, I am very happy for them.
Because I know when I was doing well, it was during some sort of crisis and it was a huge blessing for me.
So when I see people doing well I try really hard not to compare myself because I don't know what that person is going through, I don't know what struggles they have.
I don't know their life before, during; so I just want to send positivity into the world.
I do love dressing up. I do enjoy playing with makeup and playing with fashion.
So I still want to do that, but there will be a lot more vlogging.
I've seen some awesome exhibits here in New York. I have been filming it so I'm going to share that with you guys here.
Those are things that inspire me; because I spent a whole year just dishing.
Filming, editing, uploading, commenting, writing back, responding.
That was my life. I kid you not. For a full year that's all I did full time. Now I'm a full time YouTuber.
That is not how I want to live my life.
So I want to get back into acting. My photography that I intend to do--because it was kind of the same deal--I was a photographer for a bunch of clients like always shooting for the client.
I don't necessarily want to do that, although I don't mind it here and there.
For myself, personally I just want to do some fine art photography. Projects for myself.
Even with the acting thing; again, if I act elsewhere it's going to be taking me away from my channel.
But I was thinking, if I could come up with a webseries concept and upload it here, then I'm still here.
So you'll still--I will still be doing the things that I love here.
I love action movies. As you can tell, I'm very like, I can't sit still!
But I want to do some sort of action web-based series. Do you guys have any ideas?
Like story lines? Concepts? Are there any writers out there? Comment below.
But yeah, that's what I can think of in terms of still doing me without abandoning you guys.
That's kind of what I envisioned.
In order to stay here on my channel, I can do that stuff here, or I do that stuff outside of here, and I just vlog. And you'll get vlogs.
But I still have a few videos that I want to wrap up.
I have my skin care, my updated winter routine--because I actually do have a routine.
I have some New York things that I have been filming.
I want to do the where you live series, but I have to like, ask a bunch of people.
I live in Harlem. I'm a Harlem girl. The Harlem heads and the BK heads, we do our own thing.
Totally different states!
But yeah, that's what happening.
Jackie! Where's Jackie?!
Jackie is home. She's bouncing between my mom and my brother and Megan's place.
Because I'm going to be in Los Angeles, California. LA.
To network! I want to act and I want to get out there.
I don't have an acting agent, so I have to get that. I have a voiceover acting agent, but I don't have an on camera agent.
So that's what I'm going to be working on.
The things that I learned in 2013 especially is to not get caught up in the hype.
Not get caught up in numbers, not get caught up in comparing, and to cut down on social media.
This is kind of getting slightly out of hand.
But the world will keep doing the world. I just need to do me and just slow my role.
What are you guys working on? Comment below let me know.
And thank you guys so much. Seriously, honestly, thank you so much.
All of this is all good. It's part of the proccess. It's part of the journey.
I don't ever believe in regrets, mistakes, any of that. I only believe in 'things happen for a reason.'
They happened because had I not gone through this, I wouldn't have learned this, I wouldn't have discovered this,
I wouldn't be who I am without going through all of those things.
So thank you guys so much. That was a lot of rambling.
The things I discovered about social media, about this year of 2013.
I have to time manage. Time manage being online. Because online is just like...
It's just like... an hour, 2 hours, 3 hours is gone.
Had I not been doing that, I could have been doing something else.
But anyways, I'm going to try to upload some techy stuff. I still have to do my color balance one. I have to do that.
I have a bunch of stuff I have to do. But I also have to do me, which is live my life outside of the 1s and 0s.
So remember to do you, be you, be you and stay true.
Be shameless. Be fearless.
Be bold. Be beautiful. Be young and restless!
Bye!