♪♪
>>Welcome back to the National Chess Championship match.
Today's winner will go down in history
and receive a fifty thousand dollar grand prize.
>>Our first finalist comes from Reno, Nevada.
He's a Ph.D. candidate at UCLA.
Devan Albright.
[applause]
And our second finalist comes from Augusta, Maine.
She's a cute little third grader at Pinewood Elementary.
[applause]
Angela Hartforth.
>>Uh, so are you, like, a chess prodigy or something?
>>I like unicorns.
>>Is that a yes?
>>They have rainbow hair.
>>I'm uncomfortable.
>>I know as a commentator, I should be unbiased,
but I can't help but root for that sweet little girl.
>>Should Devan Albright win today,
he would take home the prize
and destroy the hopes and dreams of a child.
>>Angela makes the first move.
>>Devan advances a pawn.
>>Ooh, that is aggressive.
>>Angela sweetly moves another pawn and Devan--
Oh, looks to attack.
>>This is hard to watch.
Is it just me,
or is Devan being a little ruthless out there?
>>Against a six-year old.
>>I wonder what kind of menacing thoughts
are going through his mind right now.
>>He's probably imagining cashing
that fifty thousand dollar check and then buying all the dollies
in the city so that Angela can't have any.
>>Shame on you, Devan.
Shame on you for thinking
everything we just said you thought.
>>Okay, I can hear you.
>>Good.
>>What does this piece do?
>>Do you not know how to play?
>>Kind of.
Everybody just helps me.
>>And lets you win?
>>My dad works at the zoo, so...
>>Great.
>>Look at that sweet angel play.
No wonder they call her "Angel"-a.
>>And no wonder they call her opponent "Devan,"
which is clearly a combination of the words
"devil" and "demon."
>>And terrorist.
>>Why are you saying all this?
>>We're just very excited about Angela winning.
>>And if she doesn't win, I know where you've parked
your monster truck, and I'm going to key it.
>>It's just a truck.
>>Driven by a monster.
>>Boom!
Take your turn, Devan.
>>All right.
I'm just going to take your pawn.
>>Oh, boo.
Boo!
[crowd boos]
>>Don't boo me.
It's just a game.
>>Is that what it is?
Just a game to you, huh?
>>Does this make you feel like more of a man, Devan?
>>Go home and die, Devan.
Go die and play chess with your friend, Hitler.
>>[groans]
>>Look what I made.
>>Okay, that's not a real thing.
Is anyone going to stop this?
>>It looks like Angela has created a new strategy.
>>No, she can't do that.
>>Can she not be whatever she wants to be, Devan?
Can she not grow up to be president one day?
>>Okay, that's not what I'm saying, okay?
I'm just going to put it back.
>>But it was like the tower from Tangled.
>>No, don't cry.
[sobs]
>>How dare you!
>>GO BACK TO YOUR BLACK PIT, BEELZEBUB!
>>Okay, here.
I'll put it back on top, okay?
>>Is it my turn now?
[sighs]
>>Yes.
>>Princess smash!
>>What are you doing?
[screams]
>>Angela wins the National Chess Championship.
>>What?
No.
[crowd cheers]
>>And collects fifty thousand dollars.
>>Her name is already on the check.
>>My favorite food is mac and cheese.
[audience cheers]
[tapping]
>>And Devan will be going home with a consolation prize
of six years in a North Korean work camp.
>>What?
>>Guards, take him away.
>>No.
Hey, no.
I don't want--
>>Goodbye, Devan.
[audience cheers]
>>Hi!
Thanks for watching the sketch.
Um, don't forget to subscribe.
Uh, I like subscribes and I like comments,
I like likes and kittens and hugs,
and I like eating lipstick.
I like putting my hand in my dog's mouth
and then in my mouth and birds.
Subscribe.
[snickers]
>>Hi!
Thank you for watching the sketch.
Um, don't forget to share.
I like shares and I like comments and I like likes.
Um, I like hugs and I like kittens.
Oh, and I like eating lipstick!
And I like--
I like putting my hand in my dog's mouth 01:05:17.347,00:00:00.000 and then in my mouth.