Hi, my name is Stephanie and today I want to talk to you about the concept of
needing help and that being okay. And I'm gonna talk about this on a few different
levels. Really quick, if you want to get this shirt design for yourself, you can
go ahead and check out my merch store link, that is in the description below. So,
specifically, I want to talk about needing help and that not being wrong in
the scope of a disability, and of course, more specifically, in autism. A lot of
times, when I am advocating for autistic individuals and our right to just be
treated as human beings, and it's okay for us to be autistic and be treated
like a human being, I get told that, one, my autism isn't that bad, so I don't
really know what it's like. And there are severe cases where these children have a
terrible quality of life, where they are harmful stimming and they can't tell you
things like when their stomach hurts and they're having a tummy ache. So, to start
off, yes, I am level one autistic. That means that I need some support. I'm married,
I attend college, I do YouTube videos, I speak on panels for YouTube stuff - it
seems like I might have a semblance of a life or some sort of success. And people
look at that and they think either, you know, I'm not that autistic or I really
just don't need help. And even further, they assume that I couldn't possibly
understand what it's like for someone who has higher support needs. So, they
compared me to the child who is slamming their head on the floor and who, again,
can't say out loud with words what they need or what they're feeling and they
reassure themselves and they say, "oh, this child is experiencing autism and what
that girl has? Oh, that's nothing. She's not really that autistic, if she's even
autistic in the first place. Obviously, this child is suffering, has a
terrible quality of life, and we must get rid of this
autism." But I've volunteered with autistic children who fit that bill
and yes, it does require more work. It does require a lot more attention and
being present for those children and it is heartbreaking when they're having a
meltdown and you don't know how to help. When they have needs that they can't
share with you yet because they haven't learned quite yet how to communicate
those things. But yet these supposedly suffering children have the most
beautiful smiles and just seeing the joy on their faces when they're doing
something that they enjoy, even if it's not always what everyone else wants of
them and having a great time stimming and jumping and playing and rocking and
they're just happy. And they have this a beautiful world that they're
experiencing that, if you respect it, sometimes they let you in on and they
include you in their world and that doesn't happen often by being pushy. Just
being there and accepting who they are and being kind and treating them like a
human being, that's been the most successful way I've personally found to
be a part of their world. And to me it's, it's, it's a beautiful thing. But then I'm
told, "you possibly, you can't possibly understand, and also, they're going to
need help all their lives. Clearly, you would want to get rid of it because
they're, they're gonna need help all their lives, and even you, you might need
help all your life. Don't you want to be fixed?" Now, look, there are several nuances
to this conversation that I'm not gonna pretend that I'm going to even remotely
be able to cover in this video or represent fairly in this video. I just
want to talk about that point that people like to say, you know, they're
gonna need help or you're gonna need help your entire life or their entire
life and I feel like we need to talk about that particular thing because we
tend to treat it like help is this horrible thing that no one should ever
need to have. This concept that these children need to be made
different so they don't need help in the future, that I need to be made into a
different person so I don't need help, but I find this really hypocritical
because every single human being on this earth needs help every single day. We
need help when it comes to having counseling, having someone to talk to. It
might be as simple as having someone help you carry something, having an
assistant will help you with work, being a part of a team, having an app. There are
so many little and big things that we need help with, whether we learned how to
help ourselves in those areas and we've come off of relying on someone or we
still rely on other people to help us with. But because those things aren't
abnormal needs of help, we don't really think about them. We don't think that
about the most significant needing of help so we decide that if someone needs
help in a different way or in a different magnitude, on a different scale,
then that's a bad thing. We're not allowed to do that. But I really think
that instead of focusing so much on our deficits, I feel like we could really
improve ourselves. Instead of being like, you know what? We should fix you so you
don't need help. Maybe you should have some compassion and some kindness. And
look, I get it. There are some people who are never gonna be able to live on their
own. There are some people who are going to
need someone with them almost 24/7. Is that fun? No. Does that mean that they are
suffering? Have you asked these people? Just because someone needs help doesn't
make them worthless. It's not wrong to need help. Every single one of us needs
help at some point in some way. And for people to be, like, well, you know,
Stephanie, I don't want anyone to ever be born or act like you ever again and I'm
working really hard to eradicate people like you from existing now and from ever
existing in the future because they might need help and they
might be different. I'm sorry, what? Are people worthless because they need help?
It's confusing to me how, how people act because, for example, someone who is in a
wheelchair, they're gonna need help. But we don't say, throw them out! ... But a
lot of people feel that way about autistic children because they feel like
they're gone just because they don't know how to communicate yet. And it's
just really frustrating that we, we treat that need of help, whether of any sort of
disability, whether it's a physical disability that you can see, like not
being able to walk and needing to be in a wheelchair, or whether it's an
invisible disability. A lot of times we treat that need of other people as a bad
thing even though we were made to need each other. In fact, people tend to want
to feel needed. Obviously, this isn't the entire, you know, argument, but just, it
just irritates me that concept that people should feel like they shouldn't
need help. That they should be ashamed to need help or to ask for help. That's
really frustrating because it's okay. It's okay for people with mental issues, with
physical issues, with any other sort of issue to need help. We need people. As
much as our pride hurts, we need people. And maybe if we focus
less on deficits and fixing people and trying to make sure that the world is a
more able place, maybe we can focus on ensuring that the people who work with
people who need constant care are people with kindness and compassion, we wouldn't
have to worry so much when people have high needs. Because the truth is, it is
scary when someone has to have someone. They're at the mercy of the person they
need. That is scary, for sure. But it's not wrong and not something you should
demonize the person who needs things for. Does that make sense? We
tend to worry for people because they're basically at the mercy of this caregiver,
for example, and instead of saying that caregiver should be loving and kind and
compassionate, we say that disabled person shouldn't need them because they
could get taken advantage of. Anyway, honestly, this video was kind of
mostly a rant. Sorry about that. ... I hope that you can understand what I'm
trying to say here. Again, I'm not, I'm not bashing people who want to be able to
better communicate with their child. I'm not saying that. What I am saying is you
shouldn't shame people for needing help. Anybody. Thank you so much for watching
this. If you enjoyed it, related to it, found it, I don't, I don't even know. Just
just hit the like button if you want. Let me know your thoughts about this in the
comments below and if you like autism related content from me, I do upload it
to this channel every Thursday at 4:00 p.m. at Central Standard Time. So, go
ahead and hit that subscribe button if you're interested and I hope that you're
having a wonderful week. I'll see you in my next video. Bye!