Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World
‘Do you believe in black magic?’
This week we’re going all spiritual for The Manitou.
'Oh no.'
Not Tony Curtis’s proudest moment but at least the moustache comes off.
The plot starts off basically as Rosemary’s tumour.
'How long have you had this?'
'About 3 days.'
Except it’s not really a tumour
‘The tumour on her neck is definitely a foetus’
and this part of the film can be genuinely disturbing
although also genuinely amusing
Tony Curtis investigates by summoning Martin Sheen from Apocalypse Now
And comes to the conclusion that the lump on Karen’s back is the reincarnation of a Native American medicine man
‘You have one hell of a problem’
So he decides to bring in another medicine man to help
‘How will we pay him?’
‘Indians have their own values’
We’ll just give him some beads.
‘Is that bad?’
And suddenly the film becomes the Exorcist.
'Hold him Mr Marcus. Hold him in the circle of charms'
They’re too late! Now Karen will die
‘Do you still think Karen can be saved?'
'According to indian lore yes’
Excuse me, what did you say earlier?
‘You might have to wait until he leaves the woman’s body'
'That would kill her’
And if he’s not killing her then where’s the harm in a reincarnated medicine man?
He’s seems nice enough. Do your impression of Moses
What’s the worst he could do?
Oh no, he’s turned the hospital into Narnia!
Ok I’m going try to put into some sort of order the various plotlines and their relative inconsistencies
and if you don’t understand it… then you’ll be exactly where I am now.
'You're right. You're right.'
So; reincarnated medicine man growing on Karen’s back.
‘Karen Tandy has something growing on her back that’s killing her’
except it doesn’t
‘She’s still alive’
When doctors try to remove it, it defends itself
except X rays harm it and it does nothing
‘We pumped him with enough xray to see through fort knox’
and once it emerges no one even suggests using X rays against it
‘I don’t see the connection’
The medicine man now summons
‘Devil, Lucifer, Satan’
No idea why but it doesn’t seem very medicine mannish to me.
‘That’s impossible’
five minutes ago you watched a 400 year old midget crawl out of someone’s back but this tips the scale!
'I know.'
The film now asks you to ignore all that’s gone before and focus on a simple magic contest;
old school Manitou...
‘Manitou or immortal spirit’
versus the Manitou of machines
‘A machine has it’s own manitou’
But the good medicine man can’t control the machines!
‘It’s white man’s magic’
Yes, all you ever need to save the world is a white man
'Alright Mr Marcus, I've had enough of this.'
and a half-naked chick with magic hands.
Boom. Job done.
‘Well maybe we’ll meet him again some day’
'What are you talking about? He's dead.'
Despite this blatant hint-dropping no sequel was ever made,
'Goodbye John Singing Rock.'
perhaps because it would be hard to take seriously a film called Manitou-two
'In cinemas this summer'
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'My god.'
'Your god won't help you.'
'Nothing in your Christian world will help.'
'Not prayers, not holy water'
'Not the weight of a 100 of your chruches'
'What about that circle of sand.'