this is a special segment we've never done this before just for YouTube we're
gonna do this but I can't work I can't hide I didn't I have a million things to
ask you about you of course everybody knows you were like a kid with Larry
David you guys went to camp together. We were born in the same hospital room three days apart
then he whipped me with his mother's umbilical well he never liked me we have
a love-hate relationship do you do do you really I see on the show as your
relation I come look we fight all the time because I have to share everything
that's on my that's what I do cause my look I had a good family but they were
in their own world so I need like people and strangers Know Who I am Larry you
you can't get one personal thing you like you need to be a coal miner to go
down there and figure something out so I you know he gets upset when I talk
about personal things. he does? about your own personal experiences? Here's Larry David
people always say is he really that eccentric yes he's a genius to me is like the
Norman Lear of this generation he's a he's an amazing writer and a great
performer yeah however so and I owe him a lot I owe him a lot you know you
know 2000 he came over and said, "you want to play yourself?" I went yes but so here's
what happened I take him out to dinner it's about a year ago and he loves the
Yankees and I buy a Mickey Mantle cufflinks a very important eight-by-ten
picture of the Yankees when they won one of the World Series and we meet at a
restaurant I and I write him a letter how much he meant to me
I put the things down there and I come back and we were only there for five
minutes and he I swear to God he does this gotta
go he gets up leaves the gifts I said where
are you going he says I my meter is running out in the car my meter is
running and not to make it worse when they call because you want to have
dinner he's nuts yeah he said what time you want to have dinner he says 442 p.m.
I said 442 it just had a hero sandwich it says all right that we're on the
phone for an hour 518 is like an airport controller 611 712 so then I go to the
restaurant cuz you know he has bread I mean I'm not broke but I have
bread I could treat him yeah now I go to the restaurant some
highfalutin place in Beverly Hills and I get there an hour early we first have
dinner at 6:01 I get there at 5:01 I tell the maitre d here's my credit card
I'm treating mr. David okay he says oh no he'll kill us you can't I mean look
I'm not chopped liver I've been doing this for 50 years
I just dribbled could you see it I did yeah it's gone now so on is it on
YouTube red or on YouTube drip? It'll be on both. At 70 you never know what's gonna
happen I don't call my answering machine how are you gonna play poker I can't my
tongue fell out and... do you really still have an answering machine? No! And I don't call
anybody before a show never I never call any I forgot it forget the Larry David story
I love him... but when you get older you know crap happens like this morning I tried
to go to bed and I couldn't sleep and I counted sheep but I only had six of
them and they all had hip replacement. So they were banging into the fence!
My wife says what's wrong and I said well
my sheep are dying and I it's just unbearable-- She's lucky lady she really is she
look I'm not sure she does love she has no but you know what's happening yeah I
I'm calm and I know it doesn't seem that way but I was a basket case and when I
got sober I got calmer and calmer now she's morphed into me she's a basket case now and
I can't take it anymore so now she's actually too neurotic for you now she's
mrs. Richard Lewis but now she's more nuts than I oh that's no good I can't
take and we have a dog I finally had a dog. I love dogs so much I never had a
dog I wanted 50 60 years of age I mean if the door was five nine in heels my
marriage would be in trouble the dog never argues I say you want to
watch a Trufaut movie? You want to watch a Kubrick movie? She goes [dog noises] and I'm
like her drug dealer I love feeding her you know when my wife leaves she's
twelve point five pounds when she comes home she's a hundred and eighteen pounds
you give the dog people food? Because I don't do drugs anymore so I'm like her drug
dealer, I like to give her - I know how she feels
I gave her the food and she eats it and she goes, "more again!" it's never enough she's
a drug addict yeah they will go until they explode. she's a treat addict okay you
take your dog on the road when you go? no it's no good but here's the thing that I
I thought I was a pardon me a hip guy I you know I'm a hipster yeah I don't know
you know what that means but I'm a hipster all I know is now that I have a
dog I'm a child I'm like ruder I'm like I'm a fool I'm gonna turn into one of
those people you know here's what I do this happened before I came to the show
my wife says walk the dog and feed her then she before she left for a business
meeting and I and she goes, "how did it go?" I never thought in my whole life I'd say
four poops and a pee! What the hell happened to me? Jack Kerouac is dead!
and then she says did you see it come out she said yes I
said but one is still there and she said well take it out I go I'm not touching
that! so I put on gloves like Frankenstein and I do it and then she kisses me I
love her I'm gonna marry I think it's a bestiality yeah it is it's illegal
that's you can't you can't do we can't marry a dog not if you if that ever
happens though California will be the first state to allow
so Richard-- that wasn't a fake laugh by the way thank you you ever see when
people come on your show and they want to be like on on YouTube you know you
know I used to have a lot of anxiety I still do yeah you can feel it. I don't have
thank you very much I don't have these that poor disease that people have but I
used to when I used to go out on dates I would be so panicked that that it
wouldn't work out that I would have all this bent up you know pent up rather
anxiety right so I would try to get it all out right before she would see me do
it so let's say you were my date okay I'd say oh my god look at that couple
then I go hey hey and then she turn around she didn't see that. Then I would be
like a great lover after that because I got the crazies crap out of the way.
you had to be in her presence to do it. Does this discussion have any bearing on the
English language I think it all has a bearing on English language on YouTube
and what in Sweden? you know by the way I know you gotta end soon but the act you had this terrific
actor from Sweden two nights ago the kid who's in It-- yeah he's doing It so I had a
breakup with a woman when it first came out I won't mention her name I love to
but but she she'll be angry okay and we broke up
because we saw It and I freaked out and every night I'd wake up because I had
these nightmares and I'd go wake up she goes what's wrong ago there's a pronoun
in the basement
Alright, I've had enough of this. Richard Lewis, everybody! Richard you're on tour right now!
where can people have the opportunity to
see you live and in person? You don't want to put I'm with Artie Lange and
Coco Beach and then I'm and Caroline's and then I'm in Philly and then I'm in
Chicago I'm playing the Roxy here in LA in December that'll be cool. I would
love to come to that. I haven't done a gig in LA in ten years well that would be great at
the Roxy too! With Todd Snider who is one of the most brilliant singers from
Nashville so anyway who cares? Thanks for having me.
Richard Lewis. Well we won't be right back, we're on YouTube - watch the next video I guess!