You might find this kind of surprising, but one of the most powerful things that you can do to
get back together with your ex is to actually move on. This is a bit counterintuitive. So
please stay tuned through to the end of this video because I'm gonna lay it all out for you. And,
um, I think you might find it really enlightening and really useful. Hey,
there it's Clay with modernlove.life, moving on from your ex in order to get them back. Now,
you might be thinking, okay, how is this gonna work? Is this gonna be about, you know,
dating someone else so that they feel jealous and then they think that you're moving on and then
they knock off whatever silly mind games they're doing. And they, you know, confess their undying
love for you and come crawling back to you over broken shards of glass or something like that.
Because, you know, as, as we all know, we want the people that we actually care
the most about and love the most in life to come crawling over broken shards of glass,
right? That's how much we love them, that we, we want to see them inflicted bodily harm on
themselves. What I'm talking about is more of a, of an energetic dynamic here, because moving on,
isn't just about dating someone else. That's what someone might do if they had moved on. But it
doesn't mean that you're moving on. If you're doing that, you know, it's like if you were a
professional athlete, you might get a really nice pair of athletic shoes. But just because you have
a nice pair of athletic shoes, doesn't mean that you're a professional athlete, just because you're
dating someone doesn't mean that you've actually moved on. That goes both ways, both for you and
for them, what I want you to do is instead focus on letting go of attachment to outcome.
It can manifest itself as things like looking for validation from them,
looking for signs that they're interested in. You maybe it looks like you calling them too often or
texting them too often. Maybe it looks like, you know, begging and pleading. Maybe it looks
like you walking on eggshells around them. Maybe it looks like you overthinking how to respond to
certain text messages. It could look like all sorts of different things, but it shows up.
And even it, it could even show up in nonphysical ways too, right? Like maybe, you know, not to do
all this stuff. So you just sort of like, hold it all in, but you're still feeling that attachment
to outcome. You're still feeling that energy of looking for validation. And the thing is,
is that that energy's gonna go out there and they're going to be able to detect it in some way.
It's not to say that they're psychic or anything like that. I mean, I don't know maybe they are,
but it's not to say that they are that way. It's just that we often have this
way of feeling other people's energy. You can have a conversation with someone
and, you know, maybe the person is happy or sad or whatever in that moment, but you get the sense
that persons sort of like default emotional state is one of happiness or one of sadness or one of
disappointment, because whether or not you are putting on a good show, putting on a great act,
your default emotional state is going to be shining through. And if you're just feeling,
You know, depressed and sad cuz of this breakup, or if you're just looking for confirmation of this
and that, cuz you know, you're overly anxious or something like that, then that's going to
shine through when it comes to moving on. What I want you to do is not just get a date on Tinder
or something, but to actually move on emotionally from the attachment to outcome that you may feel
about this relationship or this partner or this breakup. And what that really means
is learning how to sit with yourself and learning how to sit with all of these uncomfortable
feelings that you might have feelings of, I don't know, rejection of abandonment,
if I'm not good enough of, of uh, you know, Hey, maybe that, that thing that mom or dad told me
that I was unworthy of love or something, maybe that's true means sitting with those feelings
and processing them and integrating them and ordering to be at peace with them,
not stuffing 'em away in a little dark box somewhere and pretending that they don't exist
or putting on a great show and pretending like you're always happy, right?
You ever been around one of those people? Oh, I'm always happy. Everything's always great in
my life. Like you don't feel any connection to them, right? Cuz you know, they're inauthentic.
That's why I wanna encourage you to be authentic, to be transparent, to be vulnerable. You know,
again, I think I mentioned this a few videos back, but I think we're at a place in our, you know,
collective society where I think we've all accepted that, you know, Hey, uh, it's okay to be
vulnerable, being, being vulnerable doesn't mean you're weak. And so I want to encourage you to do
that. You know, granted might be easier said than done, cuz it can be scary to , you know,
put your, put yourself out there. But I think we all at least are at the point where we
understand that it doesn't make you weak to, to, to share what's going on with you, right.
To share your experiences or your feelings or anything like that. You know, maybe that was
something from a, uh, an older era. But I think we're past that. And by the way,
if I'm totally wrong on that, you and you think that being vulnerable means being weak, you know,
just, just Google something about vulnerability and you'll probably be brought to speed on that.
Just look for Brene brown or something. What we want to do is we wanna let go,
wanna, we wanna teach ourselves, we wanna teach our subconscious that it's okay to feel whatever
it's feeling and that we are going to be okay. No matter what happens, even if the worst case
scenario comes true, even if you know the thing we were anxious about happens, even if, oh my God, we
are unworthy of love. Even if we are disappointed again, even if there is a rebound relationship,
even if the thing just goes totally sideways. Now again, you don't have to love it. You
Don't have, have to celebrate it or anything. You know, I told you this story probably a
million times by now about how my mom had her heart attack back in. Well it's kind of iffy,
but it was end of may early June. I had to go through this process of letting go.
I had to go through this process of letting go of attachment to outcome. Obviously I had
a preference in the whole matter. I wanted my mom to live and I wanted her to have a
closer relationship with, with my, you know, four year old daughter before she, you know,
eventually passes on to whatever's next for her. Um, and all that. Like I had a preference
so you don't have to be like totally emotionally dead inside. That's not what, that's not what
being detached from outcome means. It's not like, Hey mom, sorry to hear about your health problems.
Best of luck. I feel nothing. I feel nothing. No, that's not what detached outcome is.
that's Hey, I have a lot of emotional issues and should probably go see a psychologist because
I have issues with vulnerability and feeling and I'm emotionally unavailable and I
no being detached from outcome is a deep, emotional sense that you're gonna be okay,
no matter what happens, you are going to be okay, no matter what happens, you're gonna
be able to handle it. You can have a preference, but you're gonna be able to be okay. Things can be
hard. You can have feelings, but you're gonna be able to be okay. And when you learn that
deep down, not just mentally, like you might be getting from this video, but when you
have the experience of it, that's when you can really let go and move on emotionally.
And when you do that, there's a lot of freedom that comes from it. All of these things that we
think we can't allow ourselves to experience like, you know, Hey, what if my mom dies that that's
gonna be too much for me to handle. I'm not gonna be able to handle it. Those start to go away.
And now all this energy that you have trying to resist something like, Hey,
what if they move on first? What if they, what if they, what if they never loved me at all?
What if our whole relationship was a lie? All of that starts to come down and now you have
the space to potentially be okay with that. Again, you can have your preference, you can
have your preference, but you're okay with it. You know, you're gonna be okay, no matter what.
And when that happens, all of that energy, you put into resisting the emotion that energy comes
back. And there's not all of this pushing energy. There's not all of this. Like, Hey,
I have to make sure that things look a certain way, energy. That's when you've really moved on.
And when there's not that pushing energy, that resisting energy anymore, that's when
the dynamic between you and them actually starts to shift for the better. And as it
does start to shift for the better, then it becomes a lot easier to, to
Connect, becomes a lot easier to bond. It becomes a lot easier to, to get close to one another
becomes a lot easier to rebuild the trust. And that's what it means to get your X back by moving
on now, uh, just to, just to tie up the story here, cause I'm, I've told this story so much. I
often forget to tie up the loose ends, but my mom, at least as of right now seems to be doing okay.
Um, yes, she did have a heart attack. Yes. I did have to spend like a week in, uh, in,
in, in the town that she lives in, uh, dealing with all of that and going to hospitals and blah,
blah, blah. But it's all looks like it's gonna be okay. At least for now. Um, it's been a powerful,
emotionally growing experience for me to, to have to learn how to let go.
But yeah, she she's doing okay. And then also, um, if you do want to go on this emotional journey,
you might be interested in our commit program. It's, it's honestly our highest level of service
you're gonna get really good taken care of by, by me and our team. Um, you know, it's not just me,
it's also coach Francis and Fiona. If you happen to know who those two people are,
they are amazing people on our team, as well as all the other amazing, beautiful people that are
also in the commit program. It's application only because we're gonna be working so close with you.
We really wanna make sure that only people with the right sort of mindset are in that group.
So if you are interested, please go ahead and apply over at modernlove.life/commit. What's
gonna happen is we're gonna ask you to fill out a little application questionnaire, nothing crazy.
And then, um, you know, you can have a little call with, uh, with us and if it seems like
we're a good fit to work together, we'll go ahead and, uh, make that happen. And if not,
we'll just, you know, point you in the right direction by giving you some resources to,
to help you take whatever the right step might be for you. But you can find that again,
overmodernlove.life/commit, or you can just go to the link down below in the description box once
again. Thank you so much for watching this video. Please take care and I'll talk to you next time.