James: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE LATE
LATE SHOW."
THANKS FOR STAYING UP LATE WITH US, WE'RE SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
WE'VE GOT A FANTASTIC SHOW PLANNED FOR YOU TONIGHT.
WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH ERIC BANA, AND THEN PETE HOLMES, YOU
DON'T WANT TO MISS IT.
REGGIE, IAN, YOU'VE BOTH BEEN ON PETE HOLMES' PODCAST.
WHO DO YOU THINK HE PREFERS?
OUT OF THE TWO OF YOU.
>> REGGIE FOR SURE.
>> James: YOU THINK, WHY IS THAT?
>> I DON'T KNOW, I JUST FEEL LIKE MAYBE YOU GUYS CONNECTED ON
A DEEPER LEVEL.
HE LIKES TO TALK ABOUT SEX AND GOD. I DON'T HAVE EITHER OF
THOSE IN MY LIFE IN A BIG WAY.
>> James: WHEREAS REG HAS GOT ONE OF THOSE.
>> Reggie: YEAH, DO I HAVE ONE.
I DO HAVE ONE.
>> James: NICK, YOU USED TO PRODUCE PETE HOLMES TV SHOW,
RIGHT.
>> YEAH.
>> James: ANY ISSUES WITH SALES ON THAT SHOW?
NO I DON'T THINK WE HAD ANY ISSUES WITH SALES BUT I WAS JUST
THINKING, I WORKED WITH A LOT OF LATE NIGHT SHOWS AND THEY ALL
HAD ISSUES HERE AND THERE.
BUT THEY ALL TURNED OUT FIEB SO I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT I HAVE
BEEN SO WORRIED ABOUT.
>> James: YEAH, YEAH.
(APPLAUSE) YEAH.
THERE HE IS.
THERE, THERE HE IS.
IS HE BACK IN THE GAME.
NICK BERNSTEIN AFTER YESTERDAY.
HE WAS ALL JUST LIKE OH, I'M GOING TO GET FIRED.
AND NOW HE'S LIKE IT'S FINE.
THAT IS ABSOLUTELY THE ATTITUDE.
>> MY A OLIVE BRANCH.
>> James: HE DOESN'T NEED ARCH OLIVE BRANCH, YOU KNOW WHY?
NO ONE'S FALLS, NOBODY FALLS ON THE TRUST TREE.
YOU MIGHT HIT HIT A COUPLE OF BRANCHES.
Z BUT SOMEONE WILL CATCH YOU.
>> HUNDRED PERCENT TRUE.
>> James: YEAH.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: SHALL WE GIVE AMERICA WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN
WAITING FOR?
>> Reggie: YEAH, I MEAN AS MY MOM SAID, THAT IS WHAT SHE IS
WAITING FOR.
>> James: MOMS WITH LIKE, HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEWS, NO, WE'RE
ABOUT TO DO IT, SO WE'LL BE THERE IN, I GUESS, EIGHT HOURS.
>> IN MONTANA, REGGIE MOM WILL SEE IT IN EIGHT HOURS.
>> Reggie: YEAH, EIGHT HOURS.
SHE SAID SHE STOPPED WATCHING BILL MAKER JUST TO WATCH OUR
SHOW, SO.
>> James: THE BILL MAKER SHOW IS ON FRIDAY NIGHT ON HBO.
>> SHE HAS AN iPAD, TIME IS IRRELEVANT.
>> James: TIME IS IRRELEVANT.
DO YOU EVER FIND IT WEIRD WHEN YOUR MOM IS ON AN iPAD.
>> Reggie: IT IS.
>> James: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
>> Reggie: THE ALGORITHM.
>> James: WHEN I SEE MY MOM ON AN iPAD I'M LIKE THAT DOESN'T
LOOK RIGHT.
(LAUGHTER) >> MINE ZOOMED RIGHT PAST ME.
AT FIRST I WAS THE TECHNOLOGICAL ONE AND ONE DAY SHOWING HER HOW
TO USE IT.
AND SHE WAS LIKE THAT IS A COMPUTER.
AND THEN CUT TO THREE YEARS LATER AND SHE'S LIKE ALWAYS ON
TKS DOWNLOADING APPS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
SENDING IT TO THE TV.
I HAVE NO IDEA.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO ANY OF IT.
>> James: I'M ALWAYS AMAZED HOW PEOPLE CAN JUST CONNECT,
THEIR PHONES TO A TV.
LIKE I DON'T NEED-- I HAVE DONE IT LIKE ONCE AND IT TOOK ME AN
HOUR AND THREE PHONE CALLS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
AND CONSTANTLY, DO YOU KNOW, JUST AIR DROP IT SHALL-- WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I DON'T-- I REMEMBER THE IRST TIME I SAW ANYBODY AIR DROP
SOMETHING TO A SCREEN, IT WAS BEN WINSTON AT OUR HOUSE, TRYING
TO SHOW ME A THING ON THE COMPUTER, I WILL SEND IT TO THE
V.
AND I WAS LIKE-- YEAH, YEAH, OKAY.
AND THEN IT WAS LIKE ON THE TV.
AND HE'S LIKE PUT IN A FOUR DIGIT CODE AND I WAS LIKE HOW
DID YOU DO THAT, HE SAID I AIR DROPPED IT AND HONESTLY, COHAVE
BEEN SPEAKING CHINESE.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT.
>> YOU HAVE A LOT OF BLAZERS WITH T-SHIRT, SO YOU COULD SEE
HIM BEING ABLE TO DO THAT PRETTY EASY.
KNOWING HOW TO AIR DROP TO A TV IS A BIG BLAZER AND T-SHIRT KIND
OF THING TO DO.
>> James: I WOULD SAY YES, IN THE DAYTIME AND PRETION YOU
SAY IN THE DAYTIME.
IF YOU ARE A BLAZER T-SHIRT IN THE EVENING, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU ARE DOING.
LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW.
BUT IF YOU ARE WEARING THAT MID DATE, MIDDAY, YOU CAN VEN
MOVEMENT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO VENMO.
HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO VEN MORKS I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
VENMO.
SOMEONE SAID TO ME CAN I VENMO ME THE MONEY, I WENT SURE, I
WENT OUT TO THE RESTAURANT, WALKED DOWN TO AN ATM.
GOT THE CASH OUT AND WENT THERE YOU GO, THERE IS THE VEN
MOVEMENT CUZ I HONESTLY, I GENUINELY DON'T KNOW HOW TO HOW
TO DO IT.
>> THIS IS NOT SURPRISING.
>> James: YES.
I'M ABSOLUTELY.
>> I CAN WRITE YOU A CHECK.
>> James: I'M SORT OF HAPPY WITH THAT, I'M OKAY WITH THAT.
I DON'T HAVE INTRER NET-- INTERNET BANKING.
I DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE CLOUD.
I LOVE HOW WE CALL IT A CLOUD.
I WILL SEND IT TO THE CLOUD.
A CLOUD?
THERE IS A HARD TRIEF IN UTAH.
THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE SENDING IT.
CALLING SOMETHING THE CLOUD IS THE BEST PIECE OF SORT OF
ADVERTISING EVER.
IF IT WAS CALLED THE HARD DRIVE IN UTAH, NONE OF US WOULD SEND
IT THERE.
WELL, IT'S THAT TIMES IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS.
AND THERE'S SOME BIG NEWS OUT OF NEW YORK INVOLVING DONALD TRUMP.
LAST NIGHT, THE NEW YORK STATE ATTORNEY GENERAL'S OFFICE
ANNOUNCED THAT IT IS NOW PURSUING A CRIMINAL
INVESTIGATION OF THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION.
BUT THIS IS A HUGE DEAL.
AT LEAST I THINK IT IS, I HAVE NO IDEA.
I ALSO THOUGHT THE MULTIPLE IMPEACHMENTS WERE A HUGE DEAL AT
THE TIME.
CRIMINAL CHARGES AGAINST DONALD TRUMP.
IT'S JUST LIKE THAT OLD SAYING, CRIME DOESN'T PAY, EXCEPT FOR
THE FIRST SEVENTY-FOUR YEARS OR SO OF YOUR LIFE, PROBABLY LONGER
DEPENDING ON APPEALS.
BUT THE INVESTIGATION DOESN'T STOP WITH THE FORMER PRESIDENT.
BECAUSE THEY'RE PART OF THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION, CRIMINAL
CHARGES COULD ALSO BE BROUGHT AGAINST IVANKA, DONALD JUNIOR,
AND ERIC.
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, IT'S NICE TO SEE HIM LEAVE SOMETHING TO HIS
CHILDREN.
IT'S VERY SERIOUS, THOUGH.
THEY'RE SAYING IT'S POSSIBLE ERIC TRUMP COULD BE TRIED AS AN
ADULT.
MEANWHILE, TODAY, JOE BIDEN GAVE HIS FIRST COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS
AS PRESIDENT.
HE SPOKE TO THE GRADUATING CLASS AT THE UNITED STATES COAST GUARD
ACADEMY.
FIRST IT WAS TRAINS, YESTERDAY IT WAS TRUCKS, TODAY IT'S BOATS.
THIS GUY IS TRULY LIVING HIS BEST LIFE.
BUT BIDEN'S SPEECH WAS HISTORIC.
IT WAS THE FIRST TIME A FORMAL COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS EVER
INCLUDED THE PHRASE, MUMBO JUMBO.
THERE WAS AN ODD MOMENT WHERE HE THOUGHT HE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN
APPLAUSE AND HE DIDN'T, HAVE A LOOK.
I CAN ALWAYS TELL WITH THE FAMILY HOW THE COAST GUARD IS
LIKE THE HARD NUBBING LEASE IS FORMED AROUND THE NAVY IN TIMES
OF WAR.
YOU ARE A REALLY DUL CLASS, COME ON, MAN, IS THE SUN GETTING TO
YOU?
I WOULD THINK YOU WOULD HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY WHEN I SAY THAT
ABOUT THE NAVY TO CLAP.
>> Reggie: DAMN.
>> James: I DO KNOW HOW HE FEELS.
MOOFING ON IN, A BREAK THROUGH STUDY SCIENTISTS HAVE JUST
ANSWERED ONE OF NATURE'S BIGGEST QUESTIONS, THEY ESTIMATED THE
TOTAL NUMBER OF BIRDS ON THE PLANET, WHAT DO YOU THINK,
REGGIE, HOW MANY BEARDS ARE OUT THERE IN TOTAL WHAT DO YOU
RECKON.
>> Reggie: GOD, LET ME THINK.
THAT'S PRETTY SIMPLE.
I WOULD SAY ABOUT FIFTY-- YEAH, ABOUT 62 MILLION.
>> James: 62 MILLION BIRDS.
>> Reggie: OKAY, 2 BILLION.
>> James: THAT WAS A JUMP, YOU ARE GO WILL 2 BILLION.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
>> James: PETE, WHAT DO YOU RECKON.
>> I WOULD GO 7 BILLION.
>> James: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, SUSAN.
>> MAYBE 7 BILLION AND 1.
>> James: SO THIS ISN'T "THE PRICE IS RIGHT."
NO ONE IS GOING HOME WITH A TOASTER.
IT'S NOT-- >> James: WELL, YOU'RE ALL WRONG
BECAUSE THE TOTAL NUMBER OF BIRDS ON THE PLANET IS, FIFTY
BILLION.
THAT'S SO MANY BIRDS.
OR MAYBE IT ISN'T, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY BIRDS THERE ARE
SUPPOSED TO BE.
THERE'S NO WAY THERE'S EXACTLY FIFTY BILLION.
THEY HAD TO HAVE ROUNDED THAT NUMBER UP OR DOWN.
IF YOU'RE GOING TO COUNT THEM, TELL US THE ACTUAL (BLEEP)
NUMBER.
BUT I'LL SAY THIS, IF THERE EVER WAS A BIRD UPRISING, I THINK I
COULD PERSONALLY HANDLE SIXTEEN BIRDS.
THAT IS MY LIMIT, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
>> YOU BRAB TWO OF THEM, TIE THEMING TO LIKE NUMB CHUCKS, ARE
YOU TAKING OUT 50, 60 BIRDS.
>> James: I KNOW, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE GOT THE RESOURCES
TO GET THE BIRDS, I'M JUST TALKING ON MY OWN.
JUST-- (LAUGHTER)
I THINK I'VE NOT THAT FOR 16, THAT IS IT.
>> IF IT IS GEESE, THAT NUMBER DROPS TO 2, MAYBE THREE.
>> James: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WE WERE INCLUDING GEESE.
I DON'T KNOW THAT I COULD TAKE A SINGLE GOOSE.
I'M NOT EVEN GETTING IN ON SWANS.
>> Reggie: NO, NO, NO.
>> James: ALL YOU EVER GOT TOLD AS A KID WAS A SWAN COULD
BREAK YOUR ARM.
>> Reggie: THAT'S TRUE, I HEARD THAT TOO.
>> James: LIKE A SWAN OH, DON'T GO NEAR IT, YOU WILL BREAK
YOUR ARM, BREAK YOUR ARM, THAT SWAN.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BIRD?
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING THAT.
>> James: I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST DID, BUT I DID.
>> YOU KNOW, IF I AM HAVING A DOWN DAY, IT SAY RAVEN, IF I'M
HAVING FUN THAT DAY, IT IS A SCARLETT MA KAW.
>> James: NICE, VERY NICE.
>> WHAT WHA ABOUT YOU, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BIRD.
>> Reggie: ARE YOU ALLOWED TO SAY?
>> James: I'M TRYING TO-- (LAUGHTER).
>> James: WELL, I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW IF THERE ARE ANY
SALES.
I DON'T KNOW-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT BIRDS ADVERTISED.
IT IS DIFFICULT TO PITCH IN ON A BIRD.
I MEAN IF IT CAN'T BE A PEACOCK.
CUZ THAT-- CAN'T BE THAT.
DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT ABOUT IT, IF YOU SAY IT IS A PEACOCK HERE,
HE WILL GET UP AND WALK OUT, HE WILL NEVER BE HERE AGAIN, WHAT
THE POINT.
I KNOW IT'S COMMON, I KNOW IT MAY BE EVEN PREDICTABLE BUT A
LITTLE ROBIN RED BREAST.
>> OH.
>> James: YEAH, THAT'S MEAN, LITTLE ROBIN RED BREAST.
>> I DON'T WANT TO GET TOO DEEP IN HERE.
BUT I WANT TO CHANGE MY ANSWERMENT DO I HAVE A FAVORITE
BIRD AND I FORGOT IT.
>> James: GO ON.
>> I LOVE A PIGEON.
>> James: I LOVE PIGEONSK ALTHOUGH, HERE IS SOMETHING
WEIRD, THINK ABOUT IT, YOU NEVER, EVER, EVER SEE A BABY
RIDGEON.
DO YOU?
YOU NEVER ARE OUT, YOU NEVER SEE A TBROWP OF BIG PIGEONS AND A
BABY PIGEON.
YOU NEVER SEE-- WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?
HONESTLY, HAS ANYONE HERE EVER SEEN A BABY PIGEON.
>> NO.
>> Reggie: NO.
>> James: NO, WHY IS THAT?
>> DAMN, MAN, I DON'T KNOW.
>> James: I'M GOING TO GOOGLE IT.
>> YEAH, THEY ARE PROBABLY JUST IN THE NEST UNTIL THEY ARE YOUNG
ADULTS.
>> Reggie: OR THEY ARE SIN THENNITY.
>> James: GOOGLED IT, WHY DO YOU NEVER SEE A BABY PIGEON.
>> I ACTUALLY NO.
>> James: OH DO YOU.
>> I DO,.
>> James: GO ON.
>> GO AHEAD.
>> BECAUSE AFTER 40 DAYS A PIGEON IS FULL SIZE.
>> James: WOW, WELL DONE, BEN.
(APPLAUSE).
>> James: WOW.
I THINK ARE YOU RIGHT, 40 DAYS, THEY HANG OUT AND THEY ARE FULLY
FORMED.
I GIVE YOU 42 YEARS, STILL NOT FULLY FORMED.
I WOULD LIKE US TO DO A SHOW FROM A PIGEON'S NEST.
A WEEK OF SHOWS FROM A PIGEON'S NEST AND WE GO FROM DAY 36 TO 40
AND THEN JUST LET THEM GO.
GO BACK A YEAR LATER, AND COME BACK WITH A LITTLE NOTE, I WISH
WE GO BACK TO THAT, HOMING PIGEONS.
>>ER IN'S STILL AROUND.
>> James: I WILL TAKE THAT OVER A TEXT MESSAGE EVERY DAY OF
THE WEEK.
>> James: AND THIS IS AN ODD STORY, AN AUSTRALIA WOMAN HAS
GONE VIRAL ON TIKTOK AFTER CLAIMING THAT SHE WOKE UP WITH
AN IRISH ACCENT FOLLOWING TONS IL SURGERY HERE SHE IS WITH HER
NEW ACCENT.
>> I TOOK A SHOWER.
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I WAS TALKING IN AN IRISH ACCENT AND I
THOUGHT INITIALLY THAT THAT WAS JUST SOMETHING I WAS JUST
HEARING, THAT THIS CAN'T BE REAL.
AND NOW I CAN'T SHAKE IT.
>> James: LET'S BE HONEST, IT'S NOT A GREAT IRISH ACCENT.
IF ANYTHING IT'S AN IRISH-ISH ACCENT.
IF SHE'S FAKING IT, YOU GOTTA RESPECT HER DEDICATION.
THAT'S A KATE WINSLET IN "MARE OF EASTTOWN" LEVEL OF
COMMITMENT.
I LIKE IT.
NEXT TIME I GO SEE THE DOCTOR, I'M GOING TO TELL THEM TO GIVE
ME THE SAOIRSE RONAN.
MAY THE ROAD RISE UP TO MEET YOU SO IT WILL.
IAN, WHAT NEW ACCENT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUDDENLY WAKE UP WITH?
>> WHATEVER SAM ELLIOTT'S ACCENT IS, I WOULD LOVE TO WAKE UP WITH
THAT.
>> James: GIVE ME THAT, WHAT DOES HE SOUND LIKE.
>> SAM ELLIOTT, HE IS THE GUY THAT KIND OF TALKS LIKE THIS.
EVERYTHING YOU SAY SOUNDS LIKE IT'S MANLY, MASCULINE, COULD YOU
LIKE, I'M GOING TO GO TO BED AROUND 7:30 AFTER I DRINK SLEEPY
TIME TEA, WATCH HALF AN EPISODE OF PLANET EARTH.
>> I'M GETTING A PEDICURE TOMORROW.
>> ME AND THE BOYS ARE GOING OUT TOMORROW TO GET FRO YO, PEDICURE
S.
AND IF IT IS ROSE:00, [BLEEP] IT IS ROSE A CLOCK.
>> James: AND DJ KHALED IS NOW GETTING TOO THE SELF-CARE
BUSINESS, IS HE LAUNCHING A TBIEDED MEDITATION SERIES WHICH
WILL THAT RATE HIMSELF IS LOOK OUT FOR THE HOT NEW SINGLE
TRANSCEND ENTAL MEDITATION FEATURING PITBULL, HE RES
RELEASED THE FIRST ONE, HAVE A LISTEN.
>> DJ KHALED.
>> James.
>> ANOTHER ONE.
>> James: WHO WOULD BE THE BEST PERSON IN HERE TO DO A
GUIDED MEDITATION.
>> REGGIE WATTS, HI, HOW ARE YOU.
TAKE TWO DEEP BREATHES OUT.
>> James: BREATHES OUT.
>> Reggie: TAKE THREE MORE BREATHES OUT.
NOW, IMAGINE YOURSELF INSIDE OF A PIGEON.
BREATHE IN NOW, SORRY ABOUT THAT, I FORGOT ABOUT THAT.
>> James: THAT ACTUALLY MADE ME QUITE LIGHT-HEADED.
FOR AWHILE I WAS IN A PANICKED SITUATION ABOUT 12 YEARS AGO, A
FRIEND OF MINE WAS GOING JUST BREATHE, DEEP BREATHE, DEEP
BREATHES AND HE SAID TO ME, IN THROUGH THE MOUTH, OUT THROUGH
THE NOSE, IN THROUGH THE MOUTH OUT THROUGH THE NOSE WHICH IS
OBVIOUSLY WRONG BUT AT THE TIME THAT IS ALL I HEARD SO I WAS
GOING-- .
(LAUGHTER) AND DID EVERYBODY SEE-- OH,
DANG,-- AND DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS?
GOOGLE JUST UNVEILED A MAGIC WINDOW THAT CAN LET PEOPLE CHAT
VIRTUALLY IN LIFELIKE 3-D.
IT'S CALLED PROJECT STARLINE.
IT USES MULTIPLE CAMERAS AND SENSORS TO CREATE A LIFE-SIZED,
THREE-DIMENSIONAL MODEL OF THE PERSON YOU'RE TALKING TO.
HAVE A LOOK AT THIS: >> OH MY GOSH.
>> YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
SO IT'S FACETIME.
BUT IT'S PRETTY AMAZING TECHNOLOGY.
NOW IT'LL FEEL LIKE THE OTHER PERSON IS ACTUALLY THERE WITH
YOU WHEN YOU TELL THEM YOU'RE ON MUTE.
I LIKE THAT THEY PROMOTE IT WITH SEPARATED, AS IF THIS WON'T BE
USED EXCLUSIVELY FOR PORNOGRAPHY .
AN FINALLY DUNKIN' DONUTS TEAMED UP WITH A PAINT TO CREATE PINK
AND ORANGE INTERIOR HOUSE PAINT JUST LIKE THE DUNKIN' LOGO.
A PLACE TO MAKE YOUR PLACE LOOK LIKE'S DUNKIN' DONUTS TO
GUARANTEE WILL YOU NEVER GET FULL KUS TODAY OF THE KIDS.
YOU SHOULD BE WARNED, I BOUGHT A FEW CANS OF THIS DUNKIN' PAINT,
I TELL YOU WHAT, IT TASTES LIKE [BLEEP].
NOT TO BE OUTDONE, ARBIES IS ALSO ENTERING THE WORLD OF HOME
GOODS BY RELEASING THIS LINE OF LOOSE MEAT BED SHEETS.