What’s up YouTube, Breakup Brad here… I’m YouTube’s #1 breakup coach and author
of the best-selling Ex Factor guide to getting an ex back. And in this video, which I’m
going to try and keep as brief as possible, will answer a simple question: what should
you do if you feel your ex losing interest or growing cold and distant. So if you’re
hoping for a second chance with your ex, but you’re worried they’re slipping away…
keep watching!
Now, if you’re in this kind of a situation, I know how disheartening it can feel. Maybe
things started off pretty well… you applied some of the proven strategies I outline in
my Ex Factor program and here in my YouTube videos, and things seem to be progressing
fairly well… until you hit a brick wall, and feel your ex starting to lose interest.
Your ex stops texting back, stops telling you they miss you, cancels plans with you…
it’s not a good feeling.
First of all, if you’re in this kind of scenario right now… relax. Generally speaking,
it’s not necessarily a sign that all hope is lost. The first thing I recommend you do
in this situation is to take my free quiz at BreakupBrad.cmo/Quiz… the quiz will give
you a better idea of where you actually stand with your ex right now, and what you need
to do moving forward to re-engage with them and start winning them back. So, after this
video is over, go to BreakupBrad.com/Quiz and try it out for yourself.
Secondly, please understand something very important: the most problematic part of this
kind of situation, where you can sense your ex is slipping away and losing interest, is
actually how most people REACT when facing this kind of scenario. The natural instinct,
which is to panic and try to take action to stop their ex from slipping away, is guaranteed
to make things worse.
I see this almost every single day when working with coaching clients. A client’s ex will
respond less frequently to messages, stop sending positive or encouraging signals, or
grow cold and distant out of the blue. The right way to respond to this type of situation
is to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING… which is, of course, the opposite of what every fibre in
your body is telling you to do. I know you probably WANT to pick up the phone and call
your ex to ask what they’re doing or why they suddenly cancelled your plans to go for
coffee…. Fear of losing your ex makes you want to tighten your grip on the situation
and take action to stop the downward spiral.
This is where things get really dangerous, and where many people make mistakes. The last
thing you want to do if your ex suddenly seems to be backing away or losing interest is to
try and actively prevent it. You can’t show your ex that their coldness or apathy bothers
you, and you can’t show any signs of neediness or desperation. If you start texting your
ex and asking stuff like, “hey why arent you responding??” or “do you hate me or
something”, they’re going to become irritated by the pestering and they’ll clearly see
your desperation…. which in turn will destroy the progress you’ve made up to that point,
and make it more difficult to change how your ex feels about you and the possibility of
getting back together.
If you recognize that you’re in this kind of situation, here’s what you need to do:
take a deep breath, and prevent yourself from doing anything to try and change things. Don’t
contact your ex at all for at least a few days. Sometimes, depending on how far along
you are in the process of winning him or her back, you might need to avoid contact for
weeks. Pretty much ANYTHING you try to do to change how your ex feels or stop them from
growing cold and distant will have the opposite effect.
Try not to talk about the situation with your friends or family, either, if you can avoid
it. That’s especially true when it comes to mutual friends, who might tell your ex
if they hear you complaining about their sudden change of heart and lack of interest. Keep
yourself occupied and stay busy, because otherwise you’ll torture yourself by overanalyzing
and worrying about everything your ex says and does.
It’s best to try and think about your ex as little as possible while you’re in this
situation… talking about it with friends might feel good, but it actually just fixates
your thoughts on the issue and causes your fears and anxiety to get worse. I know this
is easier said than done, but try your best to focus on yourself and let go of the things
that are outside your control.
In many cases, when it comes to this kind of situation, simply ignoring your ex for
a while -- a week or two, for instance -- can solve the problem. It’s common for people
to have mixed feelings and up-and-down mood swings after a breakup, and your ex may just
be in a ‘down’ phase at the moment, hence the cold and distant behaviour. At the very
least, by ignoring your ex when you sense him or her backing away, you’re ensuring
that you don’t make matters worse.
If you still get the sense your ex is losing interest and backing away after you cut off
contact for a while, then your next step is to break the ice with something FUN and super
brief and casual… for instance, don’t re-open the lines of communication by asking
your ex if they want to talk about your breakup. Don’t say anything that might come across
as needy, boring, or require an extensive response from your ex.
Instead of making that kind of mistake, just make him or her laugh. Share a short anecdote
that happened to you over the past little while. Send a funny video you found on TikTok.
Bring up an old inside joke that your ex will probably have forgotten about. Send a link
to a viral video of your ex’s favourite celebrity doing something stupid on camera.
Whatever it you choose to send... just keep it short, upbeat, and make it sound to your
ex as though nothing is out of the ordinary. That’s the kind of thing that will make
your ex WANT to talk to you, and you can build on it from there…. Just remember not to
show any desperation or fall back into any old needy or clingy habits. Make your ex want
to talk to you and be around you, and they’ll stop backing away and start to regain interest.
If you need my help formulating a plan to re-engage with your ex and get a second chance,
please go to BreakupBrad.com/Coaching and sign up for my 1-on-1 coaching if I have a
spot available right now.
And as I mentioned earlier in this video, you should also take my free 5-minute quiz
at BreakupBrad.com/Quiz… it’ll tell you your odds of getting back together, and give
you some personalized recommendations as to how you can make that happen as quickly as
possible. I’ll put the link in the description below.
Thanks for watching, and good luck out there everyone…. See you in my next video!