foreign [Music] Wildflower season is upon us and the hillsides are swathed in white
and gold and blue I had a day off from work so I took an audiobook out to the meadow next
to my home and listened to fairy tales while putting flowers in my hair and imagining far-off
kingdoms and castles I got quite caught up in my Daydreams and found that in no time
at all it was noon and time to get ready for a dinner with my family that evening I don't
get to enjoy a lazy day too often but it makes it that much more special when it comes around
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I just had to take a moment to stop and appreciate the wildflowers right now it is so abundant
and I feel like this is the gift that we get for waiting out the winter you know the winter
was so long this year and to get such incredible beauty and abundance in Return of that long
cold weight is so beautiful and I just couldn't be happier right now foreign
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In this video, I wanted to share a dream I had as a young college student I wanted to
be a successful scholar and spend days writing endless essays in the dusty corner of a respected
University I ended up achieving a version of that dream I got a scholarship and was
encouraged to enter a masters and PhD program from a professor I greatly admired I could
see a future career in my mind's eye but something changed I realized the academic pressure I
was putting on myself was masking a deep lack of fulfillment I was pursuing this degree
simply because I was good at it never stopping to ask myself if I actually enjoyed it
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I concluded I'd simply gotten it wrong I needed a new dream to work towards a goal so my goal
became being an editor for a magazine and a Bookseller these dreams seemed a lot more
reasonable and soon I was working for three different magazines running a school publication
and later worked at a bookstore full-time even though I had once again achieved my dreams
I was still struggling to feel at peace
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perhaps what I was missing was a good relationship with more friends the perfect place to live
maybe I needed a new dream altogether perhaps if I just had everything lined up in life
just so things would be different there was something much deeper that was off something
that was following me everywhere it took a long time to admit to myself that I was searching
for peace and achievements when instead I needed to love and accept myself as a soul
and nothing else my achievements could only be a temporary Band-Aid over my wounds and
that was just it I was carrying my hurts and pains and worries everywhere I went and I
had to heal those things first if I was ever going to find a renewed zest for life so I
moved to a small town started working at a local school selling my art at farmers markets
and even started this channel it wasn't my dream but I decided that my new dream was
to heal and to find that sense of achievement Within Myself no degrees relationships or
impressive resumes needed simply trying to be kinder sitting with myself growing a feeling
that is somewhere between fleeting joy and sadness a sort of quiet peace and contentment
with who I am I've now achieved a lot of dreams I never thought I could I can now enjoy them
fully knowing that they aren't the reason I'm happy I don't need to make videos to make
me happy I don't even need to be able to run through a field of wildflowers or spend evenings
painting to find peace and joy my legs could stop working and my eyesight could fail me
and that's why there's something much deeper that needs to guide me my abilities are accomplishments
don't make up the core of what makes my light shine and I hope the same for you that you
can find a source of Your Inner Light that is not rooted in anything physical of this
world not even your physical self something far deeper and perhaps harder to understand
but once you're open to it absolute Magic I find this light source and what exactly
it is to be a bit different for everyone but you'll know it once you find it like a kindred
spirit coming into your life familiar and true like coming home after many years of
looking for happiness and things that are impermanent and unpredictable foreign
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foreign on fixing some things in this room and there is a ladder set up and my cat is
just dedicated to going up and down the ladder again and again and again and she's she's
very noisy
mavi [Music] stop it my
it is so hard to film sometimes as you can probably tell I've fallen in love with this
dress the version that is in red I really really love as well you saw me wearing it
at the beginning of this video I as I promised a couple videos ago I wanted to find some
more sustainable clothing options to share with you that are similar to the style I often
wear as I wear a lot of secondhand you know clothing from Brands I wouldn't normally support
I did want to share with you a brand I would actually support and one that I hope to in
the future invest in several dresses to wear for years and years to come the brand is called
Sunday floor I'm hoping I'm saying that correctly but yes it's made of a sustainable linen and
it it's just beautiful beautiful designs and I've really enjoyed these two that I've been
wearing and so I will leave a link down below to it if you are interested at all the topic
of this video you know is one I've touched on before but I did want to share how my dreams
and my goals for the future have changed so drastically over the years you know and how
I have achieved a lot of goals I have and how every time it has especially when I was
younger surprised me that the feeling of gratification of achieving that goal was so fleeting you
know I I was not able to create that lasting sense of being proud of myself and who I am
because I think I was trying to connect that pride in who I am to accomplishments um and
that just wasn't a sustainable source for me in terms of appreciating myself and valuing
who I am I really had to learn how to Value myself as a human being you know without any
accomplishments by by just being who I am and trying to be a little bit better than
I was the day before and and that has had much more lasting impact when you Embrace
that journey of trying to be a better person maybe connecting with your spirituality or
any form of that that you know works for you it is transformative because it makes you
realize that there is no such thing as a truly ordinary life it doesn't matter what you've
accomplished or what you look like or you know what your life looks like to other people
it's about who you are and who you might be trying to be and become and a big part of
that for me is connecting more to my spirit and how I can connect with other people through
that awareness that we are all here together and we're all interconnected of course there
were things about my goals and situations in the past that made it really hard to find
that sense of peace peace and fulfillment I remember at one point I was living in an
apartment that was not legally rented out to me and it was infested with rats I had
some roommates that were fighting all the time and screaming at each other and it was
such a difficult environment to find a sense of peace and I definitely had to work towards
finding a way to move past that phase of my life and find a new place to live and of course
it was much easier to find that sense of fulfillment once I was able to leave that situation because
it was affecting me so much but I know that facing challenges in the future I see now
how important it is to stay positive and hopeful you will develop such an incredible strength
that it doesn't matter what life throws at you you're going to be able to find a way
to get through it particularly when you're not a hundred percent reliant on external
things to find that sense of peace sometimes it will be really hard to find that source
of light especially when you are going through a really difficult time but I like to think
that's when it's just as important and I know for sure it is in those dark times that we're
often most ready to change and develop who we are and to make big decisions and even
just within that there's always something we can gain from those difficult times at
least that has been my experience so far I have memories that I've just wanted to erase
from my mind for so long getting to a place where I can accept them and start to try to
see things that I gained from working through experiences like that and appreciating those
and that all those things make up who I am and I hope you as well can go to this week
feeling a little deeper sense of appreciation for who you are and how far you've come I
hope you share with me below your own stories and your words of encouragement to each other
it is always so inspiring I'm sending you much much love and I will see you very soon
goodbye
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