[typing]
[music: "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"]
Greetings and welcome to "LGR Oddware"
where we're taking a look at
hardware and software that is odd, forgotten and obsolete and
Christmas-y,
as is the season.
And because it's December! And that means Christmas Lazy Game Reviews.
And why not include Oddware in that?
Let's take a look at some
Christmas crap!
Or tchotchkes, or junk.
I mean, Oddware is weird enough,
but this like restricted to a month [laughs] out of the year.
And that's it, right?
Without further ado, it's time for some Christmas Oddware.
Okay, first up is something that seems pretty innocuous until you think about it for more than a second.
This is a Jolly Santa
USB stick, a 16 gig stick by Patriot Memory, and
Uh, I mean, it's–
it's a jolly Santa, for one thing. It's not one of the evil Santas, and
what doesn't make any sense about this is, uh...
[laughs]
Who is gonna use this
outside of December? Are you just gonna keep using it?
I mean, like, it's a USB stick.
This is something you're gonna use all the time, right?
I mean, in theory.
"Chain included."
Really glad they pointed that out. I would not have wanted to buy this
ridiculously specific USB stick otherwise.
So, uh...
Right.
Here is the included chain.
And there's Santa Claus himself.
He's jolly
and his is 16 gigs of
space, which is... [chuckles]
You'd think that a fat Santa kinda guy would have a lot more space than 16 gigs,
but this was released a couple years ago, I think.
[laughs] I dunno what is– what is that even?
Is it like an oven mitt?
Maybe an ice cream stick or something– anyway.
Who cares?
The actual Santa, though,
where is the USB port itself?
[grunt]
What the heck?
Does is it eas– [chuckles]
I guess you just plug in his feet? What is this?
Oh, goodness!
Alright, uh, so you literally put out Santa's
uh, bowels. His intestines are just
spilled right here into data and there's his little feet!
[laughs]
You have to tear Santa in half!
[laughs]
And of course, we have the
all-important chain part.
Which is the entire reason I bought this.
And it just goes straight through Santa's head.
Just sort of pierces his skull there a little bit.
Or maybe– maybe that's just the hat.
But in that case, uh, you know, whatever. But...
[laughs and grunts]
DIE!!
And then you just plug in his feet, legs and innards
into your computer, and there you go.
[laughs] It's–
It's not the prettiest sight! You just have some feet
sticking out of your USB port. [laughs]
Next up is one that just, um...
This just confused the heck out of me when I saw it.
This is a– [laughs]
This is a Philips Cow.
[laughing] A USB powered
LED color changing
cow? I guess
cows are Christmassy?
And, um...
It's sold in the Christmas section next to a bunch of other USB things.
I mean, they have USB Christmas trees,
USB reindeer and snowmen, and then
cow
with a Santa hat, I guess.
[laughs] God...
Wha– like is this just
something they had laying around
and then they're like, "Alright."
"Well we gotta do something with all these cows we have in this warehouse."
So let's just put a silly Santa hat...
And that's it. That is the only thing, I guess, that makes this Christmassy.
It's just the cheapest cow ever.
Um, it's a little ball, really. It could be a pig.
In fact, there's a pig version of this
that's the same as the cow, it's just painted differently.
So, yeah, this is literally
a tiny little light
that goes into the cow's butthole.
What's even crazier is
as simple as that is,
uh, it comes with this massive sheet
of instructions. I mean...
Why do you need all this?
Here's how to do it! Here's the guide. Here's– you do this, this...
Literally, it says "remove product from packaging."
"Do not immerse in water. Computer must be turned on to work."
Wow, okay. So there's even
a customer support service number for getting this thing to work.
[laughs]
I got– I gotta call this.
[rotary phone dialing]
[PUR service rep] "Philips Customer Service Hotline. How may I assist you today?"
Hi, I... have a cow... man.
Um...
And I don't know how it works.
Could you enlighten me, please?
[PUR service rep] "Are you f***ing serious right now?"
"Are you f***ing with me or actually calling
about the cow?"
[laughs]
"Are you some kind of idiot?" - I kinda figured...
- [PUR service rep laughs] - Uh, thanks! Thanks for that.
Well, that should be expected.
And then you have
the cheapest USB cord I have ever seen.
I mean, this thing, it's still got hot glue and
stuff falling off of it, and there's like little shreds of
wire coming out the bottom? That does not look very safe.
At all! In fact, I think this is going to burst my computer into flames or something.
But let's give it a shot.
Well, that's what the cow does.
So next up is something that you might not really think about as Oddware,
but I do because I like these things,
and I've covered them, or at least one of the originals in the past by Tomy.
This is one of the water games.
Usually it's done by
having rings inside this little water container,
but this one has balls, and
the whole thing makes no friggin' sense.
It cost $1.92 at Walmart. [laughs]
I found it in the gardening section. [laughs]
I don't know what it was there.
That was the only place I saw them.
Alright, so here is the water game.
Now, the idea of this is very simple.
You have a little thingy here that pushes air up.
There's a tiny little pump underneath.
And then you fill it with water up here in the top.
And you try to get...
You know what? I'm not really– I'm not really sure because
[laughs] I just realized that there nothing for the–
[laughs]
Normally the rings have little things to catch themselves on.
I guess maybe you're supposed to get the balls in the baseball glove?
Or on top of the baseball bat, which...
Yeah, I don't know about you, but that reminds me of Christmas. Um...
Genuinely the only thing that makes this even slightly Christmassy is
the fact that there's a Santa in the background
and that's actually what cracks me up so much about this.
This is trying so hard
to take advantage of your Christmas dollar,
it's actually pretty admirable.
So yeah, let's go ahead and try this out.
I've got some leftover water here.
Uh, let's see...
[grunts]
Alright. All sealed up there, or at least sort of.
There's water actually leaking out a little bit, but that's, uh,
kind of par for the course for something that costs $1.92.
Uh, and yes. You just– really, you just press the button and...
[whoosh, whoosh]
[laughs]
Here's those little fart noises I was hoping for.
Uh, yeah and that's– that's it.
That's great.
Absolutely exhilarating game, this is!
Get your balls on top of the baseball bat,
and catch them in the catcher's glove!
But it's actually impossible because they don't hold anything at all,
unlike the rings game
which is kind of like a ring toss underwater.
This is just... terrible.
[gargles]
Lastly, we have
"Christmas Lights Planner."
This is a cheap piece of software by a company I've never heard of
[laughs] called Summitsoft.
This is apparently a fun way to design your holiday lighting display.
Yeah, the back isn't very descriptive, either.
It's just like, "It's as easy as 1-2-3!" [goofy laugh]
Well, it's the only reason anybody's gonna buy this is if it's easy, right?
"Know exactly what your holiday home will look like."
"Every type of light imaginable is included!"
I can imagine quite a lot of lights,
so I hope that it lives up to that.
It's also got this neat little thing. It's like, "You Going Green?"
"We can do that, too, man. We're so trendy!"
This is 2007, so government-mandated going green thing was starting to become
"it" and this supports that.
So this is still pretty modern, I suppose.
Even though it's eight years old.
Man, time flies! I hate this.
So, this is the "Christmas Lights Planner."
Apparently the third one, according to the title up here.
I guess there were two more before this somehow.
And, uh, yeah. This is actually working on Windows 10
weirdly enough.
Installer didn't work, but I figured out a way around that,
and it seems to work alright otherwise.
So, let me just jump right in here, and, uh...
Pretty much what you do is just
click this terrible stock image and...
select a picture that you've taken of your house.
I'm just gonna go ahead and do that right here. This is my house:
This was this morning.
Looking quite nice. I just had the yard mowed.
So yeah, um, from what you do here... [laughs]
You know, I don't really know. [laughs]
This– this user interface is terribly convoluted.
I mean, look at all this crap. What the heck?
What are these?
What is the– WHAT?
Alright.
So after looking at the manual, I kinda figured it out.
Basically, you have to click to place a door.
This gives you your idea of scale.
And it says, "Use scale knob."
Well, there is no scale knob.
There is a scale slider.
So you take this and make it approximately the size of the door.
This will give you a scale to, um...
your lights, once you start placing them.
Then you right-click on it and click "Delete" once you do that, which is weird.
And here we go. We have all sorts of lights.
C-9 Bulbs, C-7 Bulbs,
Mini Lights, Icicle Lights, Net Lights and Ambient Area Lights.
Oooooh!
And, let's just go as the C-7 bulbs that are classics.
I'm gonna go with some bright pink ones because this is the most
awesome,
awesome place to put bright pink lights, I gotta say.
And you just kinda click point-to-point, and
highlight your house,
uh, like my
my little apartment here
in, uh, in lights.
And you can actually make it turn nighttime by doing this, which
literally just darkens the image.
[laughs] Oh, it's nighttime, guys!
Ohhhhh. So,
that's kind of weak, actually. Um...
I though maybe it would do,
like magic or something, and
figure out what actually looks like at night. But no, it doesn't.
So there's different things you can do.
3D bulbs? I don't know what the heck that does.
You can do some sort of weird, like,
angles and stuff, like– Uh, uh, let me see. Where is that?
You know, I don't even know.
Yeah. Yeah, these. What are these?
Why are– wh-what?
There's charts for all of your lights that you place.
Let me just place some more so I can do some other things here.
Let's do some, uh, net lights.
Yeah, those are tacky as balls.
Okay...
So, I'm gonna do some right here. Oh, yes!
This looks great.
My house has never looked better.
Right– there we go.
Oh, some great lights.
And now I've got some decor.
Um, like creative displays.
Here, let's put some pumpkins
because that's
that is super
Christmas.
How about Thanksgiving? [laughs]
And, maybe some of these things.
Need 'em much, much bigger.
Yeah, like that. That's good.
Some of this.
This is great.
Then at night,
I'm going to have the most festive house on the block.
I mean, holy crap.
So here's my chart. I'm 95% net lights
I'm apparently going to need 2,448 of them and
119 C-7 pinks.
But yeah, I guess this could be kind of handy if, uh...
you have no brain
and don't wanna do anything on your own.
You can also do this. Um...
Here we go.
[music: "Angels We Have Heard On High"]
[music: "Greensleeves"]
Seriously.
[music: "O Tannenbaum"]
I'm gonna make it snow.
And now it's foggy. [laughs]
Oh, look. It's so foggy!
Isn't this the best place?
Oh, the snow is finally coming down in the background now. Just barely.
Um...
Here it is from the side.
Isn't it great?
Full preview mode, which
I think crashes the program. Um...
Yep! Yep, it crashes the program.
Well, that's just as well because screw this.
Yep, that's pretty much it for "Christmas Oddware."
I don't think I wanna take a look at any more stuff right now, but, uh...
If you did enjoy this video, then perhaps you would like to see some of my others.
I've got some linked to right here.
And of course more is coming in the future.
Oddware is a recurring segment here on LGR,
as are a lot of other things every Monday and Friday.
Also, let me know if there's any other Christmas junk that maybe you want me to
take a look at another time. Probably next year, at this point, but
especially computer-related or something. I would love to take a look at more of this crap!
You can also get in touch on Twitter and Facebook,
if you'd like to do the social stuff,
as well as support the show on Patreon
to do money things and make more of these kind of videos happen and see them early as well.
And as always, thank you very much for watching.