Hey there. This is clay with modern love.life. And in this video, we're going to be talking about
four secret thoughts. Your ex has about you when they are changing their mind about you. Now,
as we've talked about in previous videos on this channel, um, as your ex and you interact more,
and if you're, you know, hopefully following the things that we talk about in these videos here,
you're having good interactions with one another. You're starting to repair
the emotional connection between the two of you. And you might be wondering like, okay,
is this starting to turn around here? Are they starting to get closer to me? Now? You should
have a good inclination that this is happening because you're having positive interactions,
but what's actually going on in their mind as they're going through this process of changing
their mind about you. The first thing that they might be thinking is, is it actually safe to make
a big change and get back together? After a breakup, people will make
changes in their life. You know, they might end up in a rebound relationship that might
move somewhere new. They might tell all their friends and family that the two of you broke up
and that you're a terrible dirt bag and all that sort of stuff. Having to go back on these sorts of
things and make changes that bring the two of you closer together, again, canceling risky for them
up until we get to what we call the crisis point. Your ex is really interacting with you in a sort
of theoretical hypothetical sort of sense. What would it be like to talk again? I don't know.
Maybe, maybe it'd be cool. Maybe weird. Maybe we just fight. Like we always do. I don't know.
There's no harm in just having a phone call or there's no harm in just meeting up.
We just see what happens. But as we start to get into crisis point, that's where this
goes from hypothetical or theoretical to, oh my goodness. I actually have feelings for you. What
am I going to do about it? And so this is where they have to confront the reality that they may
need to make some real changes. You know, if they ended up in a rebound relationship, they
might need to actually think about like, oh no, I have some feelings for my ex. Does that mean that
I need to break up with the rebound or, oh no, it looks like we might be getting back together.
How are my friends and family going to take this? And so this can cause them to freeze
up. This is where a lot of the, the confusing behavior at crisis point comes from. By the way,
if you have no idea what I'm talking about, when I'm saying crisis point, uh, check out this video
series over here on the five stages your ex goes through and getting back together.
Um, a lot of people have said, this has been really super helpful for them
in terms of helping them to understand what their ex his emotional journey is. And to help
them understand some of the confusing behavior. So you might want to check it out. We've been
talking about this for, you know, years and years, but big can help you. So check it out
if you need to. But anyway, uh, the second thing your ex might be thinking in this whole process is
building off of that. Well, other people think, well, other people, little thing, if we get back
together, you know, we had this relationship, it fell apart. Maybe it was, you know, like one of
those crazy relationships, we were fighting all the time. And they knew that that, that we were
this like volatile couple, or maybe after the breakup, you know, I, as your hypothetical ex,
I went and I told all of our friends and family that like, you know, yeah, we broke up.
Yeah, you cheated, you lied. You're this terrible person or something like that. And then if they
find out we're seeing each other again, what are they going to say? Are they going to look down
on me? Are they going to judge me? Are they going to make me feel bad about all of this? This is a
major concern that a lot of people have is how are other people going to see me? And that's why it's
really, really important that you and your ex get on the same team and let them know explicitly that
like, Hey, yeah, that can be a concern, but just to make it clear, you know, it's not going to be
you alone versus everyone out there, unless you want it to be that way. We can do this together.
We can go and we can talk to them together. We can go and talk to your folks together.
We can go and do this together. So you're not alone that we're actually a team through all of
this. This is where a lot of that same team stuff that we've talked about in previous videos comes
into play, you know, being on the same team as vitally important when it comes to, uh, creating
that connection, uh, with your acts and helping them to feel like they're not in this all alone,
especially when it comes to what they might perceive as, you know, high stakes kinds of things
like telling friends and family that the two of you are back together again, or, um, ending the
rebound relationship or something. But basically they're looking for some degree of certainty
that if they make this move things, aren't going to fall apart. Again, this brings us into thing,
number three, which is that they, they want to know that this is going to work again.
They're probably thinking like, what if this doesn't work out again? Like, what if
I tell all my friends and family that we're getting back together again,
maybe, maybe there's a little bit of Hm. And hall and all that, but maybe they'll
eventually get over it and they'll support us. But then, then what happens if like a month or
two down the road we break up again? Are we just going to be that, that hot mess? That's like,
oh yeah, they're always breaking up and getting back together again. It's just that crazy hot
mess couple. Or what happens if I broke up with you and I got into this rebound relationship,
and then I break up with a rebound relationship to get back together with you, and then things don't
work out again. What happens if I end the rebound relationship to get back together with you?
And you're like, whoa, Hey, why did you do that? I was just having fun here. I wasn't serious about
this. These are some major concerns that your ex is going to have as they're changing their mind
about you. They want to know what happens if this doesn't work out. What if we don't work out again,
this is why it's really, really important to get on the same team to build up that emotional
connection. As we've talked about before, to actually clear the communication between the two
of you, so that you can set yourself up to have some of these more meaningful, more significant
conversations here. As we move forward here, as we get into this last one, here, please go
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already, please leave a comment down below letting me know what sort of videos you'd like to see me
make next. Okay. If it's a good topic and it seems like it might be useful for, you know, many people
will probably go ahead and make that video as we move forward here, a thing, number four,
that your ex thinks as the changing their mind about you is can I trust that this is really going
to work this time? Now, this is where a lot of that stuff that we've talked about before in terms
of the triangle of commitment, really come into play. If the two of you can be on the same team,
if the two of you can communicate clearly. And if the two of you have built trust over time,
by going through those five stages of getting back together,
then they should have a very clear sense that this is going to work out this time. They might still
have some concerns, some, some specific things that could be concerning about their situation,
about what they're going through about all of that. That's fine. You can talk about that as
you're having the commitment, collaboration talk. What we really want to do is we want to make sure
that that triangle of commitment is kept tight and aligned through this process. So just keep looking
at that triangle of commitment, looking for where it might be out of alignment, and then do what you
can do to bring it back into alignment. Okay? Your ex is probably going to be feeling alone in a lot
of this. And if we can just get on the same team, then a lot of these things become irrelevant.
Okay. So once again, a lot of the concerns that they're having are, is it safe
to make a big change and get back together? What are other people going to think? What if we don't
work out again? And can I really trust that things are going to work out this time? If you kind of
read between the lines on all of this, you know, there's this sense that like, oh my goodness,
I'm alone in all of this. Oh my goodness. I have to figure this out. Well, there's a lot
of risk in this. What if, what if, what, what's this going to mean for me if this doesn't work
out? And so there's a lot of kind of like, Hey, I'm isolated, I'm alone. I don't know if I can
trust you all of that sort of stuff. So if we can just preemptively address all of this by working
on that triangle of commitment, then a lot of these concerns become non-issues whatsoever.
And the emotional connection that you're building up is just going to naturally and organically flow
into a great, uh, reconciliation between the two of you. And if that is something that you
want some help with, we do have our communication course called effortless connection. You can find
that over@modernlove.life slash E C that's modern love.life/e as an effortless C as in connection.
Um, and there's also a link for it down below in the description box, but this is how we go
through that triangle of commitment. And we bring it back into alignment by specifically focusing
on things such as getting on the same team. So check that out. If that's something that seems
interesting for you. Um, but once again, if you liked this video, please like the video subscribe
and leave a comment down below as well to letting me know what sorts of videos you'd like to see me
make in the future. But anyway, thanks so much take care. And I'll talk to you.