My son calls me boomer all the time and everything I do,
he says "Boomer, boomer."
And I looked it up. I'm not a boomer.
Are you not? Are you Generation X?
No, I think I should be, I'm right on the line
between a boomer and Gen X and I don't like it.
I think the line runs right through like 1963,
which is when I'm born.
And so I think of a boomer
as someone who was at Woodstock, okay?
And I was pooping my diapers at Woodstock.
I mean, I was 30, but...
(chuckles) Get it, folks?
But I mean, I don't, I think of boomers
as people that were saying,
"Yeah, I'm going off to see Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young.
I'll be back later and then I'm gonna join the Manson cult."
To me, that's a boomer, okay?
I'm seeing here that the boomers 1946 to '64.
Why?
[Matt] So technically you are a boomer.
But why?
But listen, I'm so soundly in the middle
of the Generation X generation that I can let you in,
but you have to be asked in like a vampire.
So you got to start being nice to me and you know.
Can I be a Gen X-er, please?
Is there a test?
Yeah, there's a bit of a test.
Okay, well, I don't like,
you admit I did get screwed a little bit on the timing.
I think '64 is going way too late for boomers,
because how can a boomer encompass someone who was born
just as World War II was ending and me?
That's ridiculous.
Who came of age, you know, watching Scooby-Doo cartoons.
That's insane. That's way too wide.
I know, but yet there is a divide between you and me.
Look, I'm wearing flannel, like a grunge guy.
Everything about you says grunge.
(Matt and David laughing)
Everything, everything about you says,
I just remember you were there in '91 in Seattle.
I remember when it was all going down.
You can see you in the background a lot.
(Matt laughing)
I was in Whittier listening to Wilson Phillips.
(Conan laughing)
It's so funny. Whenever I hear Whittier, I think of Nixon.
You know, you grew up blocks from Nixon's house
and I just love that you used to listen to Wilson Phillips
with an aging Richard Nixon.
(Matt laughing)
When he'd come over your house,
"Hello, is Matt here?"
Yes, former president Nixon. He's in the basement.
"Is he listening to Wilson Phillips?"
Yes, he is listening to Wilson Phillips.
"I'd very much like to join him down there.
I think this is quite a trio."
"Are you a Carnie or a Chynna?"
"I like Chynna. Good God, the gams on that lady.
Are we taping this, by the way?"
First podcast.
That was the first podcast ever.
You could argue was the Nixon tapes.
That's the first podcast.
Yeah.
Yeah, do you remember
when you listened to the Nixon tapes?
I don't, 'cause I wasn't alive, I was a Generation X.
I know you're a Generation X-er, but they're called tapes
and you can listen to them later on.
I know.
Yeah, yeah.
So you're probably unfamiliar with anything.
I'll tell you about Glenn Miller someday.
There's actually a way to listen to that music,
even though you weren't alive at the time,
but you know, think about it.
The Nixon tapes really are the first podcast
and it would have been very funny if he had done it.
If you were listening to it and you heard him doing ads,
taking a break to do ads.
Just an ad in the middle.
Yeah.
So Nixon's in the oval office
and he's talking to Haldeman and Ehrlichman
and he's like, "Gotta get these bastards.
We gotta get them where it hurts.
How much money would it cost
to break into the Watergate Hotel?"
Well, we could, we have a team that would do it
and it would cost about this much.
"Well, we could get that money.
Yeah, we could get that money, yeah.
Well, just hang on just a second here.
That just puts me in mind,
I'm looking at a photograph here of my lovely wife, Pat,
and I'm thinking, wouldn't it be nice
if this is photograph was on glass?
(Matt and David laughing)
Wouldn't it be something?
Well, I'm gonna tell you it can be, Fracture Prints.
With Fracture Prints, you'll get
this wonderful picture of Pat or one of the Eisenhower boys
or your dog, Checkers.
You can have it on glass, so that when Pat Boone
comes by the oval office to swap stories,
you can show him pictures and they're on glass,
preserved for all time.
Anyway, fracture.
Anyway, back to you, Ehrlichman, Haldeman.
How do we get these fuckers?
We've got to get in there and we've gotta get,
we've gotta get those goddamn Pentagon Papers back.
There's gotta be a way to store papers
and I'll tell you one thing.
If you want to keep track of papers,
you'll need the right software to do it.
And that software...
I don't even, I wish Conan was a better improviser
and could come up with a fucking company.
(Matt laughing)
What is it, Matt?
What's a good software company?"
QuickBooks.
"There you go, QuickBooks. Oh yeah, QuickBooks software.
That way you can keep track.
You can get the Pentagon Papers that Daniel Ellsberg stole.
And you can get them and you can keep them on Quicken.
You can also keep track of all your slush funds
what their accounting app,
and this enables you to then take that money
and you can send it to those Cubans right away
without having to put it through the mail.
Anyway, back to the podcast.
Today's episode, we're gonna get those fuckers.
Those fuckers, we're going to hit them and hit them hard!"
I swear to God, I can do nine hours of Nixon's podcast.
Just keeps going.
Please, if you liked Nixon's podcast riff,
please encourage me to do it some more,
because I've never been happier.
(Matt and Conan laughing)