(upbeat rock playing)
In my new series, I'm learning how to survive and thrive
while sheltering in place.
Last time I talked to prepper Steven Rene,
who's an expert at fortifying the home.
RENE: This is the hardened bunker.
Does nobody want to... paint the wood?
Now I'm talking to a survivalist
who's an expert at fortifying the body,
-Pat Mac. -Bam.
I've interviewed Pat before.
He served 22-plus years in Army Special Ops,
trains police forces,
authored the book, Sentinel:
Become the Agent in Charge of Your Own Protection Detail,
and has nothing but great tips online for surviving.
It's a pandemic.
Pandemonium.
If anybody's gonna know, it's gonna be Pat.
(ringing)
Pat Mac, good to see you again.
Jordan, good to see you again, my man.
I wanted to talk to you, Pat,
because we spent some time together,
you're the most badass, prepared guy I know,
and I'm a comedian, so I know a lot of improvisers
and sketch folks, so...
Right on. Yeah. Thank you.
How do we prepare for what is going on?
Well, preparing time is over.
-Oh. -That should have been done years ago.
You know, the frantic search for toilet paper.
What's that all about anyway? Toilet paper. Why?
Well, I mean, that makes the most sense to me.
Out of all of the chaos, that I get.
But what if we didn't have water?
You know? What if the water system weren't working?
Where would you poop, then? You know?
I mean, you got to have something like this right here.
You know? So, a portable pooper.
You had that so on the ready.
I've got a bunch of, uh, bags in there.
-They're biodegradable. -Not to brag,
but I actually have a working one of those toilets at home.
And when it's not working, I just go to the gym.
I can and have talked defecation all day,
but this is about real survival tips.
Time to get our blaze on!
So, right now, we've got to embrace the suck, you know?
We've got to embrace the ass wound of this thing.
"Embrace the ass wound of this thing."
Is that Oscar Wilde?
No idea.
What should people be doing
in a situation that we're in right now?
You know, this is a great opportunity
for self-improvement.
And if you're Pat, that self-improvement means
working out with things you find lying around you.
Like whatever this is.
I came to the right place.
How does a guy like me who's stuck indoors
stay physically fit?
So, you've got to keep things interesting.
And you can't neglect the transverse plane.
The transverse plane?
You know, rotational exercises.
'Cause you got to keep your back and core strong.
So, in the transverse plane
lives life-saving and ass-kicking.
If I'm not doing this, I'm gonna kick zero ass?
That's right. Zero asses are gonna be kicked
unless you work the transverse plane.
All right, so utilize stuff that I have around the apartment?
Yeah. You got anything heavy?
Let me see. Let me see.
I got... I got books.
I got...
I got Infinite Jest and Sapiens.
Sapiens is good.
So, you could hold them out at arm's length...
and then you could do lateral raises... up and down.
Yep, there you go.
I could see a little... I could see a little bit of...
a little sweat drip forming on your forehead.
With Pat's guidance, I was able to have an intense workout
-Yah! Yah! -using common household items.
Roll it up tight, roll it up tight,
and then unroll it. Yep.
And some of my favorite De Giustis.
Do you know what to do with Cynar?
I got no idea what to do with it.
Never even heard of it.
...four, five.
One, two, three...
Assist with your legs. Assist with your legs.
Leg assist, leg assist, leg assist.
"Pegasus"?
Are you saying "Pegasus"?
That's a good start point for today.
I wouldn't recommend anything else, because I'm pretty sure
you haven't done anything in a while.
No, that's... that's very intuitive of you.
The more time I spent with Pat Mac,
the more reassured I was.
Pat emphasized that this is not a time to panic,
and we will get through it.
Don't beat yourself up if you weren't prepared.
It's-it's human to err.
But when we do, we have to learn from the past,
prepare for the future, and perform in the present.
Yeah.
Yeah! Let's do this!
-Let's do this! -Yeah! Get you some!
-Let's do this! -Don't...
-No. -Right.
Not supposed to leave the house.
In the house. Yes.
Let's do this...
-Yeah. -here.
♪ ♪