while most conservative and liberal pundits
are at each other's throats concerning guns,
Fox News host Gretchen Carlson kind of went off script.
There's no doubt that Omar Mateen
was able to kill so many people because he was firing an AR-15,
a weapon easier to buy in the state of Florida
than buying a handgun.
I'm also with the majority today taking a stand.
Can't we hold true the sanctity of the Second Amendment
while still having common sense?
By the way, Fox News employees,
swing by Buffalo Wild Wings tonight
for Gretchen Carlson's farewell party.
(laughter, shouts, whooping)
I'm telling you, there's no way Fox is keeping her
-after that, man. -(laughter)
Good for you, Gretchen. Good for you.
And to help Gretchen... you know, to help Gretchen
land a new job, we got her the MSNBC starter pact.
-(laughter) -So, here we go.
-(audience whooping) -There we go. Very nice.
-(applause) -It's all here.
Uh, the short androgynous brunette wig,
black glasses, and a Ta-Nehisi Coates book.
-Uh... let's see how she'll look -(laughter)
for her MSNBC job interview.
Oh! Nice.
Perfect! I like it!
I like it a lot.
(laughing): Very good.
Everyone should have one of those, I think.
They really should.
(chuckles)
Meanwhile, senate Democrats
are tired of just talking about guns.
They want action.
NEWSMAN:
Democrats commandeering the senate floor,
trying to force a vote to toughen up gun laws.
And so I'm gonna remain on this floor
until we get some signal, some sign...
that we can come together...
I tried that line on Halle Berry.
(laughter)
Still waiting!
So the Democrats are fighting for two amendments, right?
Expanding background checks
and preventing people on the no-fly list
from being able to buy guns.
Now, these are no-brainers, especially the no-fly list one.
In fact, it's such a no-brainer
that even someone with barely a brain agrees.
NEWSMAN:
that would ban people on the terrorist watch list
or the no-fly list from buying guns.
Yes, guys, Trump makes a good point.
But calm down-- you can hit a piano with a bat
and still get a couple of notes, all right?
-(laughter) -Bam!
Doesn't make you Rachmaninoff.
It does not, all right?
And, by the way, even the Benghazi Kid agrees.
If you are too dangerous to get on a plane,
you are too dangerous to buy a gun.
Well, I don't know, I don't know.
'Cause under that logic, then no mother (bleep) snakes
can buy any mother (bleep) guns...
(laughter, whooping)
...'cause they are not allowed on any mother (bleep) plane.
Is that your vision of America, Hillary?
Eh!
All right, so both sides agree, right?
But, you know, here's the thing, guys,
here's the thing-- when both sides agree so quickly
after being so far apart on everything,
that's when I generally get worried, okay?
So let's really think this through.
Because this country has a habit of making bad decisions
in the wake of a national crisis.
(coughs): Iraq War.
-(laughter) -Hmm?
(coughs): Patriot Act.
(clears throat)
(coughing): Japanese internment camps.
(coughing):
(laughter, applause)
Well...
Once the Olsen twins weren't in, Wilmore was out.
Okay?
But look, here's the thing, though, it's easy to say,
"Well, this person is dangerous,
they shouldn't be allowed to buy guns,"
but it isn't that simple, okay?
Anyone can be under the investigation of the FBI.
I mean, Martin Luther King was under investigation of the FBI.
John Lennon was under investigation of the FBI.
Hillary Clinton is currently under investigation of the FBI.
Right? How embarrassing would it be to have a president
who's on the no-fly list?
(laughter)
(as Hillary): Could we do the summit
at the White House instead? Oh.
Air Force One is in the shop. Yeah. All right.
And because it's the government, you know,
there's also the problem of bureaucratic error.
For instance-- this is true-- do you know who else
has been denied entry to airplanes?
Air marshals who are supposed to protect us while flying,
but who also have names too similar to someone on the list.
Like, Dave ben Laden.
(laughter)
But B-E-N Laden. Mm-hmm.
He's not Laden now.
He's
-(laughter) -Thank you very much.
See how I did that? With the "been."
-(applause) -He ain't Laden no mo'.
-(whooping, whistling) -Thank you! Thank you, lady!
That's what I'm talking about!
Whistle Lady, too.
Mm.
All right? And Whistle Lady got it, too.
-Thank you, Whistle Lady. -(laughter)
Okay. Here's my other problem with this list
of "potential" bad people.
Any of us could wind up on this thing--
and by "any of us," I mean mostly black and brown people.
Do you know what putting black people on a no-fly list
would mean to Southwest Airlines?
(laughter)
-Decimated, all right? -(laughter)
And by the way, neither the San Bernardino shooters
nor the Orlando shooter were on the no-fly list.
I'll tell you what, how about if we put all Americans
on a no-buying-assault-weapons list?
-(whooping, applause) -That's what I think should be done.
How about that list?
All right. Okay.
So to learn more about the process
by which these lists are made,
please welcome the acting deputy undersecretary
of the Homeland Security's Bureau of Regulation Management
and Lists, Dirk McDermond.
(cheering, applause)
Hi, Larry.
Okay, so, yo,
now, I have to say, I have very serious concerns
about these lists-- so how exactly do they work?
(sighs): It's a very complicated system, Larry.
-Mm-hmm. -It involves covert surveillance,
-Right. -complex equations, forensic analysis.
-It's... -Really?
Man, I'm just messing with you, man. If somebody looks guilty,
we just put 'em on a list. Come on.
See? I knew it. But... Look, you-you...
If you can just slap someone on a list
and then take away a Constitutional right,
you're depriving them of due process,
which means any American has the potential
to be on that list, right?
No, no, no, no, no, no, of course not.
There is a long list of people
who will never be put on a list, okay?
We call it the "no list" list.
We got this. We got this covered.
But, look, even the ACLU is concerned
that a lot of these lists are just like profiling.
And you'll have a list that's full of people
who look a certain way.
And by "certain way", I mean people of color.
-Completely understand your concern. -Thank you.
Look, that's why we have a long list of safeguards
to prevent those things from happening. We got...
-That's just another list. -Yeah, all right.
How do you keep all the lists straight?
I'll give you a hint: it starts with an L
and it rhymes with "cyst".
-List. -Boom, you got it.
All right, I'm still concerned. Here's the other thing--
how can people even get off this list?
-That's another problem. -Oh, you see, Larry,
that's very simple. You just have to get on
the "take me off the list" list.
-How do they do that? -Well, right now you can't do it,
'cause currently there's a bit of a waiting list.
But still, you know, you can...
Is there anything someone can do?
Can they at least call?
No, we're actually unlisted.
Of course you are, right. Okay.
So, you don't think there's anything wrong with this?
I mean, you're not even worried about people's civil liberties.
As a black man, I'm sure... I'm sure
I'm already probably, like, on seven lists.
-(coughs) 13. -What?
No, no, I... No, look, listen, I got to run.
I'm sorry, I-I'm working, like, over at Buzzfeed at night.
You know? I'm, uh, working on some lists for them.
Yeah, like, right now I got this one, you go,
-29 Reasons My Cat Can't Even. So cool. -Okay, all right.
Whatever. Dirk McDermond, everybody.
We'll be right back.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering, applause)