(WhooPoosh)!
TOP OF DA MORNING TO YOU LADDIES
MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE
AND WELCOME TO RAT SIMULATOR
Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous,
But to me rats are very misunderstood creatures.
So I'm hoping that this time
We can get in and actually figure out
What the rats are actually thinking
Look at that cute little motherfucker up there
On top of the fridge
He's not thinking about how much food he can eat
How much disease he can spread
He's thinking about what he's gonna do in the future
As like, a career!
Right now he's just working at McDonald's.
But that's only because he gets 20% off all the food
And as a rat that's very very tempting
Umm...so let's play uhh...
Let's play normal difficulty
The life of a rat is hard
But I-I mean
I- there's no reason to debase myself like that
Look at how absolutely adorable I am
Infestation 0%
The only thing I'm infesting is uh you-your mind
Can I? How do I eat? E to pick up.
Why can I throw the burger?
Don't throw the burger eat the burger
Oh God. I'm gonna fookin' break everything.
Food eat.
How does one eat food?
*Squeak*
That's how I rat
T-you press R to rat
Fuckin' Jesus
This rat gots mad hops *Rat Hops*
I think we found the career for you
It's basketball
If I knock shit over can d-do I actually win?
Objects destroyed
Why are these things not being destroyed?
I am a rat with way too much power!
Humans can detect doors opening
or objects being destroyed
Ha ha
Sure they can but can they detect the sweet mellow sounds of rat-
Oh wait, R to eat food
Ahh
There we go
Ahhh
Just send myself over a little 'ole hamburger.
Ok, you're going to have to break this
Ok were going to have to-
*Heaving noise*
Nice
Wait is that person actually going to come through here?
I don't know
E to interact
I'm just a-
Burger-eating, vase-throwing, door-opening rat motherfucker
Choo-choo coming through it's a baller
Oh, hey dude!
"Here comes a human you can press 1 to attack the human"
I'm a freakin' badass
Game Character: I just saw something, whats that noise?
You didn't see anything
You motherfucker( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
*Laughs* Whaaaat?
Not enough poison, what the fuck did I just do?
Did I just shoot the shit out of a human with poison?
It's like I used a fucking ray gun
That was amazing
Ok I have to destroy things and I have to eat things again
Boom boom boom boom boom
There we go
Haha, see you later bitch
Okay, I can't actually go anywhere
I think I actually killed him this time
Nope (3x) You don't attack me.
Look at that, it's a fucking chair
Amazing
(Miscellaneous panicked sounds)
I'm stuck
Motherfucker
You saw nothing, except a stupid bastard clipping system
Yes, you must be seeing things
*Laughs*
You must have a wonderful evening but this is not it
Up I get
I'm eating all your food
Imma spread so much disease
Oh shit, he's coming back, oh shit he's coming back
Go that way!
Yes!
Ha ha ha
How many things do I have to destroy?
Let's try two things
And waboosh!
That didn't get destroyed!
Ooh eggs, I love eggs!
As a rat, that speaks to me
You know why we're called rats? Cause it sounds like rad!
I didn't do it, I didn't do it!
You are seeing things. You can throw objects to distract humans
I think the human's distracted by the lack of brain that's in him right now
Why're you coming over here?
Why're you coming over here? Mother fucker.
"Enter the living room"
Is that that one?
Okay, am I fast?
Ooh boy!
I'm fast, and I got mad hops!
No-one's there, shut up!
It's the cat burglar, it's the rat burglar!
It's the rat man!
*Gun noises*
What?!
I was trying to press the button to shoot them and it didn't shoot!
Fuck! Run away!
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! *Rat running*
Go rat!
How do I get rid of you?
How do I get away from you?
Not enough poison! *Ded*
I'm dead!
Goddammit
You don't see me, human!
I'm just in your sink.
It's a different human!
(Game: I must be seeing things.)
Okay, yeah, you don't see anything. Just keep on walking bitch,
I can't think of any other names, so I'm just going to keep calling everybody bitch
And generic shit like that
Come up with clever jokes!
Okay [various gun firing noises]
Yes! Poison that motherfucker!
Okay, I can't destroy that
Shit
He's back up again, you son of a dick
Okay, okay
We're fine
As long as we're down here, the giant human man will never see us
Yes, you must be tired, you must go to sleep
You must be sad that your wife left you
Okay, I just need to destroy two things
Shh, shh
Easy does it, easy does it
Aha!
Distraction!
Lesson one; throw glass
Distraction lesson two: throw another glass
Distraction level three: get stuck in a fuckin' chair
Nothing!
No one
Shut up! 3:< Leave me alone.
I-I'm going-I'm going over here.
I'm going over here
Oh it's nice-it's nice and cozy over here
Is there another human now?
Oh shit. I heard another human. Hi Fredrick.
He he. *Jack imitates a character*
Yeah, it probably was.
Probably all the fuckin' pills you've been taking
K. I need to destroy shit.
It's hard being a rat.
It's hard to move around.
MOVE!!!
Ok
*Imitates* Show yourself.
*Imitates* I know you're here somewhere.
*Still imitating* Show yourself.
*Laughs*
I love these guys.
These guys are all right
Shut up (2x)
Oh shit.
Not enough poison (2x)
RUN AWAY! (2x)
FUCK!
Cheesy.
I only need-I only need a little bit more cheese
I only need a little bit more-
Fuck!
Hey, it's this guy
Fuckin' love this guy.
*Laughs*
*Imitates the human*
Nope (2x)
You don't see anything
Fuck you (2x)
Piece of shit.
Stay dead!
I'm going over here (2x)
I'm hiding in the sink.
YOU don't see anything.
Jesus Christ that is a beefy dude.
Those are some nice jeans
But you are way to big to be fitting into them
Anyway, thank you guys so much for watching this episode
if you liked it
PUNCH that like button in the face
LIKE A BOSS
and
high fives all around
*WHIPISH*
thank you guys and will see all you dudes
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
*outro music*
Its so warm in here, my face is bright pink!