So we have a question here and I'm
so glad that it is not gender
specific because really
it is for both husbands and wives, and
that
is how to fix intimacy issues
in a relationship. And of course, we focus
at The Marriage Foundation on marriage
which means if you've been living
together for a while
if you sign the papers whatever but
marriage
is when you're under one roof. My name is
Paul Friedman, I founded The Marriage
Foundation
and we also have a free service that you
might be interested in if you're having
a particular problem and you want a
suggestion from a counselor, write in to
us.
And also by all means, subscribe to this
channel so you can learn about
our approach to marriage which is very
positive.
Our philosophy is very different from
that of western psychology
so let's get into this. How to fix
intimacy issues
in a relationship is a very
important question and it's a very
misunderstood
question because the word intimacy
is misunderstood. So let's talk about
what you want because that's
obviously important. When you're talking
about
intimacy, let's use the term
soulmate to identify
what you and your spouse are.
You are souls this is not some cool
word used for greeting cards.
You are soulmates. What does that mean?
Because some atheists don't really like
it, they use it too
but they don't like the term because it
implies something
religious. Well, marriage
is not necessarily religious. Some people
do it as a religion but it is spiritual.
What do I mean by that?
Spiritual means you can't touch it, taste
it, smell it,
etc. The five senses can't pick it up
what are we talking about love.
Love is spiritual by definition. You
can't touch
love yet don't go away.
This is really important, it is
literally the most tangible
thing any of us ever experience
is love. You've experienced it with your
spouse.
You've experienced it with your children
if you have children.
You've experienced it, I was going to say
you know with your parents but not so
much
but almost at every wedding.
Think about this because it's true
any wedding, yours included, there was a
moment
when all of a sudden you just saw, "Whoa."
It's that
love. It visits us during weddings. I
don't know why
but it does and usually,
and I know this from my own past.
We can't handle it and we can't handle
it
because our mind can't wrap around it.
It's too much so here you have
this too much. It's called love.
We recognize it for what it is
so powerful but our mind can't wrap
around it because the mind
is not infinite. The mind is kind of
material, it has its limitations.
Love has no limitation.
Love is an infinite experience. We can't
even wrap our minds around what
infinite. I can't wrap my mind around a
million
much less infinite and that's why
love is so powerful.
We gotta have it. We can't wrap our minds
around it and intimacy, real
intimacy is between us
at that level of the soul because the
soul
does experience love.
The soul indeed is
love and it's that connection between
the souls
that is true intimacy, isn't it? You
know I'm not making this up because you
have experienced this
yourself.
Now there's always a cynic in the crowd
who says
well, I'm not talking to them. I'm talking
to you.
So if you have
"intimacy issues"
What does that mean? That means
it doesn't mean you don't have good sex.
It means you're not connecting at the
level of the soul.
Listen, this is going to be hard for you
to hear
now but I'm going to say it.
Anyone in their right mind if they give
it enough
thought would rather have
love than sex
but the world has brought intimacy down
to the level of sex
because it's safe because it doesn't
have to get
transcendental. It doesn't have to like
open up
the mind to go, love is bigger than the
both of us.
So it likes bringing it down to sex,
we're not having, "Oh, well, then is this a
different question?
We are having sex issues?"
Interestingly, you could solve those
by understanding intimacy because
in marriage, it's a very
safe venue to open up.
And when I say open up, I'm not talking
like a western psychologist
who's saying dump your crap on your
spouse. Don't do that by the way,
don't do that, that is not cool.
What I am saying is open up your heart,
make your mind a tool
that your heart uses to convey
love. When you learn how to do this, it
does take some
knowledge, it does take some practice.
This is why we have books and courses
then you're able to raise
the consciousness level of your marriage
to this higher place of love.
Your marriage should be constant love
that is ever-expanding, that means that
it's better today than it was yesterday.
The happiness also,
greater happiness than yesterday and I'm
not just
talking. We've been around a long time 20
years. We have thousands upon
thousands of people who have taken our
courses, learned how to do this
and they're experiencing this and you
should too.
You should not settle for less. Marriage
isn't about going from one problem to
another. It's not about
intimacy issues.
It's not about sex issues. It's about
learning how to love unconditionally.
Learning how to communicate in that way.
Learning how to relate in that way. You
leave all this other crap behind. You're
no longer arguing
ever. Western psychologists they go,
"There's a proper way to argue."
No, there isn't. They came up with that
because they don't know how to control
their anger
which I say you need to eliminate
completely.
And I don't say it as, "Oh, you should be
able to do this."
I'm saying is you can do this. This is
well within
your ability.
I'm so tired of the western
psychological view on marriage because
it's so negative.
Marriage is amazing, it holds
two great promises and all the
subordinate promises that go under that.
The two great promises of marriage are
to experience marital
unconditional love ever
increasingly and
to be happier every single day of your
lives.
If your marriage is not doing that
and you just want to focus on sex,
you're missing it, baby. You got to get
into this the right way. You got to
understand what marriage
has to hold out for you. It's right there
in front of you and the world has
completely twisted everything around
since when has it not done that
and there's so much confusion around
marriage. Everyone who's married
should be happy like crazy happy
not because they got a new car, not
because they have
savings and they're going to have a good
retirement or their kids are doing well
in school
but because that love just
possesses you, takes over your life.
Thousands upon thousands of people have
been discovering this.
You can too. Don't go for
fixing this.
So you say, I have,
we have intimacy problems. Fine.
Use that as a wake-up call
to learn how to be married so that
your sex, it will just tuck right in.
Literally, sex is just another expression
when you know what you're doing
of love, love, love, love, that's where it's
at but you do have to learn.
So subscribe to this channel, leave a
like,
leave a comment. If you have a question, I
personally answer the questions that are
left in the comment boxes but if you
have a deeper question,
not a deeper but a different question,
write into the counselors at The
Marriage Foundation. You'll get a good
answer,
a positive answer, one that's going to
take you in the right