by this time the rest of the mall was closed and everything was dark there was
no one around just me and him in this video we need to talk about the
truth about illymation and her abusive ex boyfriend and I'm gonna introduce you to a psychologist by the
name of Martin Seligman what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired
soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new
to my channel my channel is all about mental health and what I like to do is
pull different topics from the YouTube community to try to teach you how to
improve your mental and emotional well-being so if you're into that make
sure you subscribe and bring that notification bell but first before I
jump into the breakdown of illymations new video and introducing you to a
psychologist we are going to talk about what a lot of you have been asking about
which is my brand new book called rewire your anger so it is not out right now I
submitted it to Amazon and it'll probably be up by the morning
so make sure that you follow me on Instagram and Twitter my Instagram and
Twitter is the exact same it's on the screen right now at the rewired so
follow me because as soon as it goes up which might be later tonight it might be
in the morning don't know what it is but I will put it out there on my social
media and I will also update the description as well as the comment
section down below with the link to the book and then later this week I will be
doing an audiobook as well alright but anyways let's jump into it
so some of you have seen that I already recapped her first video a lot of you
suggested illymation to me because of what she's been talking about and yeah
with the story of her abusive ex-boyfriend so I covered part of it and
then I covered also people talking about her staying silent so go check out those
two videos they'll be linked up in the info card so I just went to the gym
watch her new video and yeah there's definitely some things that we need to
talk about and something that I'm always looking at like I was just talking to
Tristan about this I'm always like kind of checking out like human behavior
right I'm wondering about thought processes and everything like that
and so they found interesting about alienation from even her first video is
she's answering a lot of questions that she knows are gonna come at her she even
created another little character that comes up and has like these dumb
questions you have to be stupid to not see these obvious red flags I would
never let that happen to me no I wasn't stupid I was 13 but you guys like she
was ready for it and it's crazy because people are asking that in the comments
below ask that on Twitter why didn't you do this why don't you do that so she
tried to answer them as best as possible throughout that video to kind of get
ahead of the game by illymation if you ever see this video like I put
disclaimers in my videos all the time people don't pay attention to them
anyways let's start out with this clip right here before we get into the thick
of it I really want to stress this don't blame my parents for what happened to me
stranger danger got it don't know squares don't touch
him they taught me to stand up to people like Harris they even tried breaking us
up at one point because they were suspicious that this very thing was
happening and that's a whole nother story I'll have to get into later so
yeah it's important that we talk about this because there's so many questions
about like well didn't your parents teach you didn't your parents teach you
this and I had a watched your second video yet so that was even something I
was curious about but she's like my parents taught me this and like what's
important to understand is that you know in my last video I talked about how we
have to have this open dialogue with our kids and all that but like still there's
only so much we can do and there's there's a million books about this and I
need to start doing more parenting videos but let's look at substance abuse
right like I'm a recovering drug addict and alcoholic like do you guys think
that my parents didn't tell me like that drugs are bad like I asked like my
clients at the rehab I'm like did nobody tell you that heroin was bad for you
like we're taught these things so there's something else that's going on
when it comes to substance abuse a lot of times it's mental illness or trauma
or you know just other there's a bunch of different factors that I won't dive
into but you got to understand that a lot of young people are taught these
things but then there's other factors at play my parents said look you're 17
you'll be 18 in September you're going off to college soon you're becoming an
adult if you trust this guy now so can we and
hearing that knowing that gross things you
doing to me and knowing if I spoke out about it that he'd kill himself or me I
felt like I was telling my parents the biggest lie to their face but I didn't
know what else to do that clips really important because it's important like
that we understand we understand a lot of reasons I make these videos like I
hope I hope that people don't understand Durst and trauma and abuse like I hope I
can explain to a little bit better what's actually happening so what Allah
Mason was talking about right there's like that feeling of guilt so there
comes a point especially after some people are abused where without saying
something now you almost feel guilty for it right so how is she gonna tell her
parents now how are you gonna do this and I know from like the outside it's
easy to say well you shouldn't feel guilty and all these other things but
like eventually you feel guilty and then you keep quiet about it and elevation
ends up going on and talking about how she so to rationalize this whole thing
felt powerful I felt confidence I felt reassured that
I could handle his abuse that if he did try to hit me abuse me or even kill me I
could defend myself I felt at ease in our relationship seriously that's how
messed up your reasoning gets in these kinds of relationships and this is
called rationalizing so alienation I love how she's like gives you
definitions of stuff the rationalization is something that happens quite often so
working in drug and alcohol treatment I've met a ton a ton of women who turned
to substance abuse because they were in an abusive relationship and they had
children right and what happens is and you gotta understand like the psyche of
someone who's going through this abuse like these women that would rationalize
staying with a man who was physically abusive because of the kids their brain
would tell them that oh it's better for me to stay with this abusive man so the
kids have two parents like this is what happens or they'll say things like oh
how am I going to survive he pays all the bills I think that all these other
things this is why I keep telling you to get support get support find other
people who have gone through this process before alright I will link again
down in the description a ton of resources but it's our brains way of
tricking us into thinking that there's no other solution that's one of the
reasons why I would say we talk about the problem
but focus on the solution when we get stuck in the problem we start to
rationalize what we're doing like you guys like a lot of you don't understand
why drug addicts keep using drugs it's because we rationalize this I told him I
needed to be back at 12 so we could probably get going what we finally meet
in person we go on our first date and we don't even make out that's not fair
okay we can make it on the car then but after that I need you to take me back
and by the way you don't owe anyone anything
boy or girl young or old especially when they treat you like this so real quick
you go girl you go girl all right like this is so
important this is so important I made a video a long time ago about like
confessions of a former are / nice guy but like what illy Mason said right
there like you don't owe anybody a damn thing and this is such a scummy tactic
that guys use all right and like I guess you know it can happen to guys or women
all right but anyway it's like you guys let me let me explain this to you
I don't care if this person buys you a Lamborghini I don't care if they buy you
a brand-new house I don't care if they show up to your
front door with a mythical dragon you do not owe them anything okay so do not let
anybody guilt or pressure you into anything like that all right as I took
my shoes off I just felt so weird I wanted to scream to cry to tell my mom
what just happened to me with that man right there in the doorway but I was so
shocked I couldn't say anything I was so mad at myself what happened to thinking
I was stronger than him that I could and would defend myself
one of the things that people ask is like why don't you do something why
didn't she run why didn't she because Billy Mason talked about when
she finally met Harris when she met him she's like oh I could take this guy
that's how much she sort of rationalizing like if this dude tries to
do something I'm gonna fight him well when something happens and we go in to
that cortisol induced stage that's what triggers anxiety and the part of the
brain that's responsible for that is the amygdala fight flight or freeze all
right and the unfortunate part about that is we don't get to decide what our
body does all right so we don't get to decide whether we go into fight fighter
freeze mode and what happened to Ilham ation and what happens to a lot of abuse
victims is that they go into freeze mode okay one of the reasons our brain does
this is because we've evolved over tons and tons of years and some of one of the
ways to avoid getting eaten by a predator was to just stop moving so our
primal instincts kick in and sometimes we just freeze and don't do anything so
this is what really bugs me when people are like oh well why don't you put up a
fight why didn't you do this why didn't you do that and then that guilt that
alienation was talking about like her brain says well I can't tell anybody
because they'll ask like oh how did this skinny little twig boy do that to you
well it's because of the brains natural response and that's what just drives me
nuts because there's so many people who do not understand how the fricking brain
works and and they wanna accuse people of lying about these situations or
over-exaggerated he refused me or a restraining order he refused to even
investigate he threw my license back at me and said next time leave the adult
things to the adults okay sweetheart and if you go running back to your little
boyfriend don't call us and look I understand that
might be hard to believe but the fact is this is what happens in these kinds of
cases some cops are nice some cops are helpful and then some just don't see how
fatal these situations can be but it bums me out because I hear this story
all too many times about you know someone trying to report this and they
get turned down and that's what Ellie Mason was talking about oh you thought
you thought I forgot to introduce you to this guy Martin Seligman so let me
explain to you a little psychology right quick so way back in the day Martin
Seligman and his group little psychology
scientists they did a test on dogs okay so they had this thing called a shuttle
box alright so in this shuttle box you had two different sides and the dog
would be on one side and the ground was like electrical so what they would do is
they were electric they would play a sound electrocute the dog and then the
dog would jump over to the other side alright so they were training the dog
that when you get when you hear this noise you should jump over to the other
side so as after they started this priming and conditioning of the dogs
they started to electrocute both sides all right so they will play the noise
and then jump over the other side and still get
shocked so then what I did was they reverted it back to normal they didn't
electrocute the other side anymore and they would play the noise the dog would
just lay there and get shocked and the scientists alike what's up what's going
on we got some broken dogs up in here but no that's when they came up with the
idea of learned helplessness when you keep trying something and it doesn't
work you eventually give up but that's dogs what about humans
so mr. Martin Seligman came up with this new experiment so what they did was they
they got two groups of people two groups of people Group one and group two so
they put people in Group one into a room and they played this loud annoying noise
and they told the subjects that if you press this sequence of buttons the noise
goes off so Group one noise came on they press the sequence of buttons and the
noise went off group two the sound the annoying sound came on and they pressed
the sequence of buttons and nothing happened they press it again nothing
happened they did it over and over and over and over again and they left these
poor people in hair with this blaring noise going off so then they put them
into a new room both groups one and two all right but what they do with this new
room was all you had to do you didn't have to push a button
all you had to do is wave your hand and the sound would go off all right but the
people from group two and because of learned helplessness when the sound went
off they just stood there they didn't even realize that the sound would turn
off just by moving their hand and it's so important that we understand learned
helplessness because it's the reason it's the reason why so many people don't
come forward is the reason why there are people who are stuck in these situations
because they tried they tried over and over and over again but they got no
results so eventually the brain says just give up why even try I interned for
a little bit for its Alex Clark and I learned how to do story time animation
on YouTube I started posting videos in January 2018 and I gained a bit of
traction and from there I made a bunch of really good online friends and I met
them at my first VidCon in 2018 lastly like I said we end on a happy note
alienation got out of that relationship and it's awesome and I
hope you take from it like get a support group build up your self-confidence do
the hard thing that you have to do she got to a point where she said you know
what I got to cut it off of this guy but the most important thing I want you guys
to all take from this it's something that I keep telling you all in my videos
this is why we share our stories like Italy mayshen is getting millions of
views millions of views going out to men going out to women going out to young
boys young girls and telling them that you do not have to put up with this
stuff and you can leave and the red flags to look for so you don't become a
victim too so it's so awesome and that that is one
of the reasons I had this channel this is why I keep telling you guys go out
there share your story because it can inspire somebody else alright but
anyways I'm going to do another video tomorrow about something that's been
going on in the community around these videos so make sure that you're staying
tuned to that but before you leave I want to hear down in the comments below
about learned helplessness are there any situations like maybe life maybe it's
life keeping you down maybe you were applying for jobs that kept getting
turned down so you just stopped looking like can you relate to learned
helplessness alright let's talk about it down below but let's try to figure out
the solution to alright anyways that's all I got for this video if you like
this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and
bring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos and a huge thank
you to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon you're all amazing hey
and don't forget rewire your anger will be out any minute now
so make sure that you stay tuned to me over on Twitter and Instagram all right
thanks again for watching I'll see you next time